Tag: humor

Infield Fly

I understand the infield fly rule, though I doubt my knowledge will ever come into play at a cocktail hour or any other

Social event. Hey, I’d say, Did you know that if there are fewer than two outs, and runners on first and second, or first,

Second, and third, and a fly ball is hit that can easily be fielded by any member of the infield, the batter is out even

If the ball is not caught? What kind of nonsense is that? My partner in conversation will ask. Exactly, I’ll say!

Furthermore, runners advance at their own risk! With age I’ve come to realize that the rule protects the team on offense,

Even though it results in one out. What genius devised the infield fly rule? Surely he deserves a statue or a drink in his honor.

Try as I might I cannot figure a way to make this rule pertinent to my life, as I swing and miss one more time.

Chicago, Here I Come!

I’m flying to Chicago out of Panama City Beach on Friday afternoon. Once in the Windy City I’ll meet up with my daughter and our middle granddaughter for a weekend of shopping, dining, and Les Misérables-ing.

In preparation for the trip I’ve been listening to the Les Misérables soundtrack, because one never knows when they’ll need someone to fill in for a cast member. I probably don’t look much like Jean Valjean, but I could sing his part in a pinch. And Cosette’s role? I’m ready to don her dress and belt out her lyrics. Just in case.

My tastebuds are already anticipating a Chicago-style pizza, as I recall the ghosts of pizzas past. There’s simply nothing better than a deep dish pepperoni. Mmmmm. Can you smell it? I can. Now all I have to do is convince my daughter and her daughter that we need to head downtown for dinner Friday night!

Of course, Friday will be my daughter’s thirty-somethingth birthday. I’ll let her choose dinner on Friday, but Saturday is pizza for sure. Am I excited? Duh!!! And the best part? Getting to see my family! I’m packed and ready. Let the party begin.

Marriage

Studly Doright and I were watching some network entertainment show last night. The hosts were talking about a celebrity couple whose marriage was in its third year. Apparently, the couple planned to share their secrets to a long and happy marriage.

“Three years!” I snorted. “If they’re still together in 38 years, maybe I’ll listen to what they have to say.”

“You’ll be dead by then,” said Studly.

Well, there is that nagging bit of reality. Damn his wicked insight.

Peace, and good marriages, people!

Kayaking

Studly Doright and I took a quick trip to Amelia Island for the weekend. I didn’t have much time to write a regular post, but here we are at the midway point of a kayaking trip on the island.

We had a great time exploring Egan’s Estuary with our guide, Amber, from Amelia Island Kayak Excursions. If you ever find yourself in the area, we highly recommend this kayaking tour company. I’d give it two thumbs up, but I’m having difficulty raising my thumbs right now.

Peace, people!

Meetup

Since moving to the Tallahassee area over four years ago, I haven’t connected to many other women. Most days I’m fine enjoying my own company, but sometimes I get lonely.

My blogging friend, The Happy Quitter at https://nonsmokingladybug.wordpress.com/ inspired me to connect with others as she had through the Meetup app, so on Thursday evening I did just that and met members of the Tallahassee Women’s Social Meetup at the Wine Loft.

I’m not going to lie, I was a nervous ninny before connecting with these women I’d never met before, but Studly Doright sent me off with a kiss and an admonition against talking too loudly–something I do when I’m nervous. I’m not sure I was successful in keeping my decibels down, but I don’t recall anyone recoiling in disgust, or covering both ears, so maybe I was within reasonable levels.

The group of women was friendly and diverse. I enjoyed sipping wine and visiting for a couple of hours, and I’m looking forward to the next time I’m able to join them. Maybe my nerves will have calmed and I can listen more than I talk.

I’ll write more later, but for now I must prepare for an adventure. Sorry to be so cryptic, but I’m not even sure what it entails.

Peace, people!

Wait for It…

I’ve done a great deal of waiting the past few weeks. I’ve waited for hurricanes to choose a path, for a generator to arrive, for someone to come measure one of our spare bedrooms for carpet after our water heater went kaput and leaked water all over said bedroom.

I’ve waited for a new hot water heater to be installed, and for the trash collection crew to come pick up the soggy carpeting and old water heater and the box the new one came in. I’m still waiting on the trash guys–they’d promised that all of the unsightly detritus would be picked up no later than last Saturday. We’re now officially closer to next Saturday than to last Saturday.

Yesterday I waited in vain for the guy we hired to paint the spare bedroom before the new carpet arrives. He was supposed to come first thing this morning, but he still hadn’t arrived by 4:30 pm, so I’m still waiting.

I can check some of the things off my list, though:

  • Generator arrived today 10/9/17. It was supposed to have been here no later than 9/24/17.
  • The carpet measurer came on time and gave me an estimate that Studly can live with.
  • The new water heater is installed and working like a charm, thanks to Studly Doright.

That just leaves the painter and the trash pick up and then maybe we’ll be back to normal. Oh, wait, then I’ll be at the mercy of the carpet layers.

This post might sound like one long complaint. Honestly, it’s just a recitation. I don’t mind waiting too much, and when I think of all those folks in coastal Texas, Puerto Rico, south Florida, and now California, having to wait on vital survival type services I know just how fortunate I am. I have electricity and hot water, plenty of food, and a place to rest my head. No waiting necessary.

What are you waiting on?

Peace, people!

Battle of the Sexes

Every now and then it’s good to remember that even though women are still fighting battles to control our own bodies we have come a very long way on the road to equality. The film Battle of the Sexes starring Emma Stone and Steve Carell as tennis stars, Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs, provides viewers with some pointed reminders of just how far we’ve progressed, and who we should thank for that progress.

I remember watching the hype leading up to the big match between King and Riggs, as well as sitting glued to the tv to view their epic match from start to finish. I was 16 when Riggs and King faced off on the court. My family made a big deal of the match and my dad said from the beginning he thought Billie Jean would beat Bobby Riggs. Is it any wonder why Daddy was my hero?

The movie recreates the vibe of the 70’s perfectly: The hair, the clothing, the music, the misogyny. Carell and Stone are wonderful in their roles. I give this film 10 thumbs up. Yes. Ten. I’m not much of a movie reviewer, but I know what I like.

Peace, people!

A Certainty

One thing I know for sure: Doright Manor won’t win the “Curb Appeal” award this week.

Debris from our recent water heater failure along with branches that littered the yard after Hurricane Irma have rendered the front of our property an unsightly mess. I’ve called the trash removal service three times now. The neighbors are beginning to circle the house with pitchforks. I’m beginning to wonder if we can hang black crepe paper on the mess and pretend we’ve decorated for Halloween.

Meanwhile, across the street, all is well.

I hope you all have a wonderful, debris-free weekend.

Peace, people.

Birthday Debriefing

As my faithful followers know, yesterday I celebrated my 61st birthday. It was a good day, but it got off to a rocky start. Rather than go into the painful details, I’ll just give you the bullet points.

  1. Due to the possibility of a hurricane hitting our area we cancelled plans for a weekend visit to Amelia Island.
  2. We’ll still have to pay for half the price of the room we cancelled because the hurricane didn’t enter into the picture until past the cancellation deadline. Thanks booking.com. Grrrr.
  3. My favorite convenience store was out of diet Dr. Pepper, so I had to do without my must have caffeinated beverage. To coffee drinkers, that would be like starting your day without coffee.
  4. Whole Foods couldn’t make me an iced chai latte because their chai delivery was late.
  5. The damned hurricane changed direction. I don’t want it to impact anyone, but since we cancelled our reservation and still have to pay for one night, how dare it not hit here?
  6. I had lunch at a table by myself while watching various groups of women engaged in pleasant social discourse. Dammit! It was my birthday.
  7. All became right with the world when I enjoyed a spa treatment at Aveda.
  8. Studly Doright lost his golf match, but played well.
  9. I received tons of birthday greetings.
  10. I don’t know how to make the bullets stop.
  11. Please help.
  12. Guess I’ll just say, Thank You for Reading. If you made it this far, you might need to get a life.
  13. Peace, people.

The big kid is me way back in the day. The cute kiddo is my adorable cousin on her first birthday. The man is my beloved Grandaddy.

Shipping Label Humor

Today, October 5, 2017, is my 61st birthday. Yay me! According to my youngest grandchild who is five, I am an old lady. Funny, I don’t feel old. In fact, I feel fairly wonderful.

Yesterday I received a beautiful basket of gourmet delicacies from my son and daughter-in-law. I mean this is the mother of all baskets:

Apples, pears, cheeses and crackers, cookies, and a bottle of wine. It’s gorgeous and I’m going to try to be a good girl and share with Studly Doright.

One of the best things about the basket, though, was the label on the box it arrived in. I laughed for ten minutes:

“Do not deliver to an intoxicated person,” it says. I told the FedEx lady it was a darned good thing she’d come before 5 p.m.

Happy birthday to me!