Call Me

Call me, she urged, then felt her skin flush red. Had she really batted her eyelashes coquettishly?

Out of character, out of her league, but her outrageously raging hormones won the day. Even now, 

Decades later, she cringes at the memory. Hoping at least that he’s forgotten her flirtatious 

Demeanor. Maybe someday she can laugh at her fumbling, mumbling attempt at seduction. 

Oh girl, she laments, Whatever possessed you? Age brings wisdom, but ponders regrets.

Ludwig Stutz, “Flirtation in the Garden.”

Breath Mints and Poop Emojis

Wednesday mid-morning I was bumming around the house. Boredom set in. I knew that if I didn’t get out of the house as soon as possible I’d be reduced to watching crappy morning tv shows and snacking, neither of which are healthy hobbies.

So, I threw on a pair of denim capris and my favorite blue tshirt and headed to my go to boredom beating destination: Walmart. The best thing about Walmart is that you can have a good time even if you don’t spend a dime. That should be their slogan. Walmart: Have a Good Time Without Spending a Dime! Ok, I guess advertising isn’t my thing. 

Since I didn’t have anything in particular to shop for I wandered around in circles for awhile, picking up a new water dish for my cats, a couple of really cheap picture frames ($1.59 folks!), and some breath mints. Bitches never have enough breath mints. (I’ve been dying to type that phrase. I have no idea why.)

As usual Walmart had its amusing moments. Did you know that bean bag chairs in the shape of the 💩 (poop) emoji exist? Me neither! But look:

As bean bag chairs go, it was small. Child-sized. What kind of parent buys a poop emoji bean bag chair for their child? An awesome one, for sure.

As luck would have it I saw this hanging out beside the checkout line, right next to the small packages of Cheet-Os and Doritos. This made me giggle out loud.

Can’t you just picture Trump skulking around the White House in the middle of the night? He’s wielding a baseball bat as Ivanka cowers in fear behind him. 

“Are you sure you heard a noise,” he asks his beloved daughter/acting First Lady.

“Yes, father, it sounded like it was coming from the press room.”

The two peer into the murky space and what do they see? Big Bird and Elmo busily texting Putin. Yes, that’s why Trump really wants to defund NPR and PBS! Damned muppet spies! 

The fearless leader whacks both of them with the bat and Ivanka assists in removing all traces of their bloody deaths. Russian spies gone for good.

See, I told you Walmart is a great boredom beater! Now, go have an awesome day.

Peace, people!

Snapshot #130

Several years ago I spent a couple of weeks visiting my sister-in-law and her husband in Jamaica. I took hundreds of photos and then promptly lost my digital camera a couple of weeks after my return home. Fortunately I’d uploaded a few to my computer. This is one of them. I call it, “Welcome to Jamaica, Mon!”

Twenty Years after Trump

My thoughts exactly.

A lot from Lydia

Think about the future, twenty years from now

Political chaos over, the planet survives somehow

Will democrats and republicans continue to subsist?

With fundamentally divergent ideologies of which both resist

A rainbow in the fog, a blazing fire in the rain

We are part of the same story, when we’re hurt we all feel pain

Peace and health for those we love, it’s our universal goal

No one wants to see a future where a dystopian world unfolds

This territory of confusion, with wars that loom ahead

Waged by selfish shortsightedness, can we have a do-over instead?

This particular war was started with attacks against our own

In the distant future we’ll see clearly all we should have known

We sit back and watch protections that had been put in place

Eliminated under false pretense by a man with an orange face

He isn’t doing us a favor, although that’s…

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