The Pessimistic Optimist

The pessimistic optimist believes

That the glass is half full

Of some noxious liquid.

That the grass is always greener

But the fertilizer

Is toxic

That the shiny silver lining

Is mostly worthless strands of tinsel

This, friend, is a day in the life of someone

Who counts her chickens

Before the eggs have even

Been laid.

Keeping Busy

The worst times are those

When I’m caught off guard

As I’m drifting into sleep

Or the first moments upon waking

When my primitive brain latches onto

An ugly hunger that needs slaking,

Baking ideas like malformed cookies

Question mark-shaped dough

And I force myself to move

In action there is solace;

If I’m busy, I don’t think

I Worried

That the Chicago airport would confound him.

That we wouldn’t make it into the virtual queue for a Star Wars ride at Disney’s Hollywood Studios.

I worried he’d think our family suite at the Art of Animation would be too childish, or that hanging out with his Nana wouldn’t be cool.

I worried I wouldn’t be able to keep up with my 18-year-old grandson for all the fun.

I worried about lots of stuff, but I forgot to worry about cancer.

Weird how I always seem to worry about the wrong things.

Some day Garrett and I are going to keep our vacation plans.

In Black and White

My mother reclined on the sand, long legs extended

Shying away from the camera

Water droplets drying on her black one-piece bathing suit

Her cigarette held just so

While we kids splashed about in ice cold water

She was beautiful, but never knew it

No one ever told her; I believe they thought she understood

But she never did.

Peace, people

At the K & N

Maybe seventeen, the carhop, her pregnant belly preceding her, waddled up to the driver’s side door.

She carried two root beer floats and an order of fries on a tray that she hooked onto a window rolled halfway down. She brushed away droplets of sweat dotting her forehead.

I was pregnant, too. Barely older than the carhop. The float was a craving. The fries an after thought.

We made eye contact, the waitress and I. My place in the passenger seat somehow granting me special dispensation.

I felt superior, there with my husband. I made judgements over greasy fries and root beer soaked ice cream.

Every now and again I wonder how her story played out. A right turn here. A detour there. She’d be my age, or thereabouts.

I hope her life’s been good.

The Cowboy

I danced one night with a cowboy

He asked; I said yes, even though my friends were whining to go

I remember the smell of him, like new leather and spice,

The feel of his crisp white shirt and my hand in his,

And the way he held me close, like I was fragile and precious.

He asked if he could take me home, but I was spoken for already, so I thanked him for the dance

And went on my way.

Mars

I hear Mars is beautiful tonight in some parts of the world

The trees here where I live obstruct my view of the late summer sky, so I can only imagine.

It’s the only thing I miss from our days living on the plains, where I could look up and say,

“See, there’s Venus or Mars or Jupiter.” Once for a week the three lined up and I

Sat outside with the smell from a neighbor’s wood-burning fireplace my best companion,

That and the off again, on again lightning bugs, playing peekaboo in the bushes.

The webbed lawn chair’s plastic, scratchy against my pajama-clad legs,

A glass of Merlot, sipped slowly, once empty, the sign I should give up the watch

Leaving the celestial trio to their own devices for another night.

A Journey

In the first sentence our boat leaves the dock, into an ocean of words.

As captain and navigator I decide: East or west? North or south?

Who will dine with me at the captain’s table this night? Who will tumble over the rail?

Will there be secrets and intrigue, murder and mayhem? Or an affair to remember?

How turbulent will the seas grow? How contrary the winds?

I’ll brook no mutiny; my crew fears, no, respects me even as they mutter behind my back:

She has no idea how to bring this boat into port. We’re doomed to wander through eternity.

I fear they’re right, but still I hold the course and dance when the band starts to play.