I Don’t Wanna Be Wrong

College football is in full swing right now, and Studly Doright and I watched games most of the afternoon and into the late evening. After one successful short pass from the quarterback to a wide receiver the commentator said, “That little shuffle pass has been effective against this defense this year.”

Studly turned to me and asked, “Is it shuttle pass or shuffle pass?”

As the self-proclaimed word expert in our home I declared that it had to be shuttle. I reasoned that the QB was shuttling the pass along. Studly disagreed. He believed the word was shuffle because it was as if the passer was shuffling a card to the receiver.

We argued back and forth until I googled the topic. I’m happy to say that Studly was wrong. But sad to say that I, too, was incorrect. The term is shovel pass because the hand motion involved mimics the movement of a shovel being wielded.

Well, fine. I don’t agree with the decision, but I can’t be right all the time. That would be annoying.

Peace, people!

Chiefs vs. Buccaneers

Super Bowl Sunday is my favorite day of the year. Even if I’m not emotionally invested in either of the teams that have earned a spot in the NFL’s championship I look forward to the big game day, and this year I have warm and fuzzy feelings for both teams.

Studly Doright and I live in Florida—home to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, so it’d be nice to have fans of the home team sporting championship t-shirts for the next year. In fact, if they win I know what I’m getting Studly Doright for Valentine’s Day.

But, Patrick Mahomes is the star quarterback for Kansas City. He’s a Texas Tech alum, and my loyalties were given to Texas Tech before I even left the womb. It doesn’t hurt that Patrick’s adorable either.

The Chiefs have their work cut out for them today. They’ll play in Tampa Bay giving the Buccaneers home field advantage. And then there’s the Bucs QB, Tom Brady, who even if you hate him is indisputably the greatest quarterback of all time.

That’s Brady, on the left, when he still played for the New England Patriots and #15 Pat Mahomes, on the right.

I refuse to make a prediction for the game since my guesses always seem to jinx the team I’m rooting for, but may the cutest quarterback win.

Peace, people!

Football Hangover

At Doright Manor we go to bed early. Studly Doright, my husband of 44.5 years, hasn’t retired yet and he rises early each day to get a jump on things before the rest of the work force shows up,

Last night, though, we stayed up to watch the Tampa Bay/New Orleans playoff game, and didn’t get to bed until ten eastern time. Basically that’s midnight in our world, and now I have a football hangover; although, perhaps it’s a true hangover given all the wine I drank while watching not only the late game, but also the earlier game between Kansas City and Cleveland.

Two great games featuring four of the best quarterbacks in the league were impossible for us to turn off. I have the luxury of sleeping in and staying home and working on a sequel to Mayhem at the Happy Valley Motor Inn and Resort, while poor Studly had to get up early to reattach himself to the old grindstone.

It’s a good thing he’s married to me—I can nap for both of us this afternoon. He has no idea what I sacrifice for him. I’d better nap for twice as long just to be on the safe side.

My favorite quarterback, Patrick Mahomes, suffered a concussion in last night’s game, but his backup, Chad Henne saved the day.

Peace, people!

We’re Watching the Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl Among Others

My husband, aka Studly Doright, is closely following all of the college football bowl games this year. He and a group of coworkers entered into a pool in which they each ranked the 37 college football games. If a team he picked wins its game, Studly gets to add the number of points according to how he ranked them.

For example, he ranked Wyoming #27, so when they defeated Central Michigan he racked up 27 points. A couple of games have come down to the last possession. He predicted both of those incorrectly. Today, though, his teams came through and he’s feeling optimistic with 321 points.

The winner of the pool gets nothing except bragging rights, and the joy of saying the name of the bowl game out loud. There are the Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl, the Nova Home Loans Arizona Bowl, and the Cheribundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl among others. I can’t make this stuff up, folks.

I’m dating myself when I say I remember when the games were simply the Cotton Bowl, the Sugar Bowl, and the Orange Bowl. At least the Rose Bowl has maintained its original name, even though the corporate sponsor, Northwestern Mutual, has tagged its name into the end.

The four playoff games leading up to the national championship are scored separately. It’ll be interesting to see how Studly fares in this friendly competition. He’ll never be able to say Cheribundi with a straight face.

Below, a screen shot of the CapitalOne Orange Bowl:

Patches is even into the game:

Peace, people!

Put Her In, Coach

Inside the locker room at USA High

Coach Stern: Well team, I’ve got some bad news. Barry’s dad got a promotion and his family’s moving to Hawaii.

(Assembled team gasps.)

Running Back: But, Coach, he’s our quarterback! We can’t win without Barry! 

Noseguard: He’s brought us back from so many deficits. We’re doomed!

Coach Stern: Settle down everyone. I know we’re all gonna miss Barry. He’s probably the best QB we’ve had here at USA High, and he’ll be a tough act to follow.

Fullback: So, Coach, who ya got in mind to wear the quarterback’s jersey? We’ve got a couple of big games coming up. All the scouts are gonna be there.

Coach Stern: As it happens, I have two prospects in mind.

(Team members make random noises of curiosity.)

Coach Stern: One’s a seasoned player. She’s never been the quarterback, but she backed one up for years. And she’s studied every aspect of the game. Smart as hell to boot. 

Right Tackle: A chick!? Is she tough enough? Does she have the stamina to lead us?

Coach Stern: She’s got stamina like you wouldn’t believe. Almost impossible to knock down. If she were a guy she’d have been quarterback years ago.

Punter: She’s still a girl!

(Team makes assorted grumbling noises.)

Coach Stern: I thought some of you might say that, so here’s the story on the other prospect. He’s never played a single down. Heck, he tried to give our game plans to the crosstown rivals.

(Team makes angry noises.)

Safety: You mean he sold us out to Russkie Prep? 

Coach Stern: Yep. That’s exactly what he did. And he groped a couple of our cheerleaders without their permission.

Safety: Anything else?

Coach Stern: Well, he is real unpredictable, and we aren’t even sure if he’ll study the playbook. He’s a sore loser, too, as far as we can tell. Never takes responsibility for anything.

Wide Receiver: So why is he even under consideration?

Coach Stern: Well, he’s a guy. And he brags a lot. 

Tailback: Do we get a vote on this Coach?

Coach Stern: Damned straight, you do. So vote. Vote wisely. The school’s reputation depends on it.

Left Tackle: It’s a no brainer Coach. I’m with her.

(Sounds of unanimous agreement, like”Hell yes!” “Damned straight!)

College Football Bowl Games That Should Exist, but Don’t

At this time of year our great country is immersed in college bowl season. I’m a football fan, so bowl games are an essential piece of my holiday puzzle. 

As I typed this I was watching Notre Dame and Ohio State slug it out in the Battlefrog Fiesta Bowl and asking myself a few questions. First, when did Tostitos brand tortilla chips stop sponsoring this bowl game? Tostitos and Fiesta Bowl went together like, well, chips and salsa. Second, who or what on earth is Battlefrog*?

I remember when college bowl games didn’t need corporate sponsors. We simply had the Rose Bowl, Orange Bowl, Sugar Bowl, and Cotton Bowl. That remained the status quo through most of my childhood, but then the number of bowl games proliferated: Tangerine Bowl, Independence Bowl, Sun Bowl, Citrus Bowl, Peach Bowl, and on and on, ad nauseum.

  
Corporations smelling big money began gobbling up sponsorships right and left. Some, like GoDaddy and Belk, even invented their own bowl games. If the sponsorships remained static from year to year they’d be easier to keep track of, but as in the aforementioned Battlefrog Fiesta Bowl, nee Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, the names often change.
  

This year we can watch the Goodyear Cotton Bowl, the Capital One Orange Bowl, and the Allstate Sugar Bowl. Only the Rose Bowl, tastefully presented by Northwestern Mutual, has remained above the fray. I was rooting for the Iowa Hawkeyes in that offering. It didn’t go well. 
I do have one suggestion for future bowl game sponsorship: The corporation’s name/product should fit the bowl game being sponsored. Therefore, I present the following combinations for your consideration:Liquid Plumr Toilet Bowl

Kellogs Cereal Bowl

Martha Stewart’s Decorative Bowl
Chiquita Banana Fruit Bowl
Hawaiian Punch Bowl

Pineapple Express Bong Bowl

Orville Redenbacher’s Popcorn Bowl

Krispy Kreme Dessert Bowl
Peace, people!

*Battlefrog is a televised college competition series, according to Google.

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team

Disclaimer: I have the natural grace of a boulder.

Binge watching the series Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team might lead to delusions of grandeur, or a case of severe depression. I didn’t intend to binge watch, but after one episode I had grown fond of a couple of the rookie wannabes. 

Before long I was standing in front of the television shaking my imaginary pompoms and tossing my hair to the music. I’m quite good when nobody’s watching.

Then I was sobbing uncontrollably when Melissa H. a small town girl from somewhere in Idaho, failed to make the team, and had to return to the Midwest, a victim of shattered dreams all because her kicks weren’t quite high enough.

Maybe it’s time to take my antidepressant.

  
Peace, people!

Celebrity Sightings

Almost every person I know has had a close encounter with a celebrity. Studly Doright once met Patrick Swayze. According to Studly, Mr. Swayze was short of stature. I think Studly was trying to negate the star’s charms.

I almost met Jamie Fox in a back hallway of Caesar’s Palace, but my friends hustled me away before I did something embarrassing. 

Other than that my biggest celebrity encounter was the time Dallas Cowboy greats Walt Garrison and Bob Lilly flew into Floydada, Texas, to campaign for some forgettable politician. 

The men autographed a football for me. I was 12 at the time and promised to never let that football out of my sight. Somehow my younger brothers found it and left it outside where the autographs faded to nothing.

I also met the Cowsills family rock group at a restaurant in Levelland, Texas. You may laugh, but that was a big deal to me. My friend, LA should have hustled me away before I embarrassed myself. I did end up with autographs from John and Barry (eeeee!) as well as two buttons and and a nickel in exchange for my green ink pen. That Barry (may he rest in peace) was a shrewd horse trader.

What brought up this topic today? I’m sitting in the outside dining area of Gordo’s Restaurant (where one can get lei’d every Friday night) certain that US representative Gwen Graham is seated a table away from me. I really wish a friend was here to hustle me away. “Hey Gwen! I voted for you!”

Peace, People!

Autumn on Tap

Written in response to the Daily Post’s daily prompt: Turn, Turn, Turn. Which season do you look forward to most?

Serve me a large mug of Autumn:
Oranges, golds, yellows, and
Browns
Fires on crisp October
Evenings.
Sweaters, hoodies, woolen
Socks
Broken-in blue jeans and a
Soft blue barn coat–
Flannel lined.
High school football,
After game party
Hay rack rides
S’mores cooked to perfection.
Delicious chill in the air
Tailor-made for cuddling.
Trick-or-treating and
Jack-o’lanterns
Hot apple ciders and chocolate
With marshmallows.
Fill my mug again.

  

Is Studly Actually a Famous Football Player? You Decide

Studly Doright believes with his whole heart that he and Brett Favre could be twins.

Studly:

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Brett:

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Now, if I squint, I might mistake Brett for Studly’s second cousin’s great uncle’s youngest son. Otherwise, I just don’t see the resemblance.

But, you can weigh in. If he gets enough “yes” votes I’ll get up and make his breakfast on Saturday morning.

But wait, Studly said I needed to use this photo of Brett:

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Personally, I think this view comes closest to resembling my guy:

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