Pardon Me, Ma’am

Monday was a day for misadventures. I chronicled the first of a trio of missteps in yesterday’s post: https://nananoyz5forme.com/2019/09/10/shoe-saga/

To save you from needing to read the link, here’s the short version: I left a shoe store wearing two different color shoes, and did not notice until the store called to inform me. I returned to the store, decided on an actual pair of shoes, and voila! See, I’m not always overly verbose.

After I left the shoe store I had a couple of hours to kill before meeting a friend to see the IT sequel. I ambled around Whole Foods for a bit and enjoyed an iced coffee on their patio. I still had more than enough time to drive to the mall where the theater is located and to shop at the Belk department store there before my friend arrived.

Since my shoe incident earlier in the day I steered clear of Belk’s shoe department, instead looking at fall dresses and blouses. I tried a couple of items on, but ultimately decided I’d spent enough money for one day. I walked out into the mall and was standing outside the theater reading movie posters when I heard a rather strident female voice calling, “Ma’am! Pardon me, Ma’am!”

Not thinking I was the ma’am being addressed I still looked over my shoulder to see who was being hollered at and who was doing the hollering. The hollerer was a clerk from Belk. And yes, as she ran up towards where I lingered in front of the poster for Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, I realized I was indeed the ma’am in question.

When she reached me she came to a sudden stop and got this funny look on her face. “Oh,” said the woman. “It’s a bow. We thought, well, we thought you’d worn a shirt out of the store and that your bow was a tag.”

“You thought I’d shoplifted?” I asked.

“Well, it did look like tags dangling down your back as you left the store.”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or be outraged. I could just imagine the clerks watching surreptitiously as I took blouses into the dressing room and then as I wandered through the store. The clerk muttered an apology and we parted ways.

My friend and I watched IT Chapter 2 in IMAX. I screamed loudly at least once, but it was a cathartic scream, resulting in giggles. Afterwards we had dinner and great conversation at a seafood place. She and I parted ways fairly early and headed to our respective homes.

I’d planned to stop by CVS on my way home, but instead decided to just hop on the interstate and save any more shopping for the next day. The entrance to I-10 west is literally less than two hundred yards from the seafood place, but I’d called Studly Doright as I left the restaurant and was so engrossed in hearing about his day that I got on the interstate going east.

So I had to drive three miles on I-10 east, exit onto Thomasville Road and immediately get on I-10 west. Fortunately traffic was nearly non-existent, and I’d only added ten minutes or so to my drive. Still, I felt like a complete idiot.

In one day I’d managed to walk out of a store wearing a mismatched pair of brand new shoes, been suspected of incompetent shoplifting, screamed like a little kid in a movie theater, and driven the opposite direction in my attempt to get home.

I had a glass of wine when I finally reached Doright Manor. And I slept in late on Tuesday morning. Surely, if I restrict the number of hours I’m awake I’ll have fewer opportunities to screw up.

Peace, people.

College Football Bowl Games That Should Exist, but Don’t

At this time of year our great country is immersed in college bowl season. I’m a football fan, so bowl games are an essential piece of my holiday puzzle. 

As I typed this I was watching Notre Dame and Ohio State slug it out in the Battlefrog Fiesta Bowl and asking myself a few questions. First, when did Tostitos brand tortilla chips stop sponsoring this bowl game? Tostitos and Fiesta Bowl went together like, well, chips and salsa. Second, who or what on earth is Battlefrog*?

I remember when college bowl games didn’t need corporate sponsors. We simply had the Rose Bowl, Orange Bowl, Sugar Bowl, and Cotton Bowl. That remained the status quo through most of my childhood, but then the number of bowl games proliferated: Tangerine Bowl, Independence Bowl, Sun Bowl, Citrus Bowl, Peach Bowl, and on and on, ad nauseum.

  
Corporations smelling big money began gobbling up sponsorships right and left. Some, like GoDaddy and Belk, even invented their own bowl games. If the sponsorships remained static from year to year they’d be easier to keep track of, but as in the aforementioned Battlefrog Fiesta Bowl, nee Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, the names often change.
  

This year we can watch the Goodyear Cotton Bowl, the Capital One Orange Bowl, and the Allstate Sugar Bowl. Only the Rose Bowl, tastefully presented by Northwestern Mutual, has remained above the fray. I was rooting for the Iowa Hawkeyes in that offering. It didn’t go well. 
I do have one suggestion for future bowl game sponsorship: The corporation’s name/product should fit the bowl game being sponsored. Therefore, I present the following combinations for your consideration:Liquid Plumr Toilet Bowl

Kellogs Cereal Bowl

Martha Stewart’s Decorative Bowl
Chiquita Banana Fruit Bowl
Hawaiian Punch Bowl

Pineapple Express Bong Bowl

Orville Redenbacher’s Popcorn Bowl

Krispy Kreme Dessert Bowl
Peace, people!

*Battlefrog is a televised college competition series, according to Google.