Best of 2019 Top Five Countdown, Number Two

I underwent a major lifestyle change this year. After decades of eating whatever the hell I wanted my 63-year-old digestive system exclaimed, “¡No más!”

I’m still eating (mostly) vegan, but this post chronicles the beginning. And guess what?! I’m at my lowest weight in ten years and I feel great! More on this in the future.

Peace, people!

It’s Not Easy Eating Green

Following a plant based diet doesn’t exactly make one mean, but it does make one a bit difficult at meal times. I try so hard not to be all vegan-ish, but my brain now knows that my stomach is going to rebel if I don’t carefully monitor what goes into my mouth.

Our recent vacation to Tennessee was tough in terms of diet. The first two days we were in Bristol I tried to go with the flow and eat like an omnivore. My body did not like me very much; though, and reacted in ways I won’t detail here. I got everything under control by eating strictly vegan for the remainder of the trip. Yes, I might’ve been a tad difficult, but my digestive tract thanked me.

It’s time for me to accept that I operate much better on a plant-based diet. I’m going to stop fighting it and embrace the change.

Peace, people.

Caffeine-free Me

On May 2nd of this year I came down with some malady that rendered me miserable. I awakened in the middle of the night with a fever and chills, and for four weeks I suffered from the kind of bloating, gas, and diarrhea I can only refer to as “Shock and Ewww!!!”

We still aren’t completely sure what was going on; although, the doctor I finally was able to see concurred with my self-diagnosis of diverticulitis. I’ve had a few tests done, and none of the them were conclusive. And now at the end of July, I’m still dealing with a few digestive issues. There’s nothing too awful going on, but to use a favorite euphemism, I always feel like I need to drop a kid off at the pool. 🤭

This illness hasn’t been all bad. I’ve radically changed my diet, doing away with caffeinated drinks and cutting way down on alcohol. Since May 2, I might’ve had three glasses of wine and a couple of beers. I’ve also cut out carbonated drinks and spicy foods. I do miss my Mexican foods and diet Dr. Peppers most of all. I’ve lost 14 lbs., and other than the above mentioned symptoms, I feel good. Being caffeine-free means I’m sleeping better and I have fewer headaches, too.

We aren’t totally through trying to get to the bottom of the problem. Once this summer is behind us, I’ll make an appointment with a gastroenterologist and see if he/she can make heads or tails of my situation. I count three puns in this paragraph. That might be a new record for me.

I didn’t create the meme pictured below. The lack of an apostrophe in “its” really bugs me, but the photo cracked me up.

A Little Help, Please

I’m trying to come up with something for dinner that has no calories. 

Tempting, but Studly Doright doesn’t like to hear me (or anyone else) crunch their food.

How about settling for LOW calorie instead of NO calorie:

I wonder if the fruit slices and garnish are figured in the caloric total, because I’m certainly going to eat those, as well.

If I could find a way to ungain the weight I’ve repeatedly lost over the years I’d be the skinny woman I know lives somewhere inside me.

She’s a noisy broad. 


Revulsion Therapy Diet

Revulsion therapy revealed to be
The secret to losing weight
No exercise or counting calories
Just eat while watching GOP debates.

It’s hard to keep one’s appetite
Or to hold one’s food in check
While Cruz prays like a Pharisee
And Trump spews racist rhetoric.

Bush’s bemused befuddlement
Plays havoc with digestion
Still Carson’s sonorous delivery
Works exactly like L-Tryptophan.

One caveat for those who choose
To suffer through this hell
Not only will pounds melt away
Your sanity might, as well.

Losing Weight


Weigh in scheduled for
11:30 a.m.
Jenny Craig awaits.
Still in bed at 9:05 trying to
Decide if I will weigh less
By doing nothing productive
Before my appointment, or
If I should arise and run
Frantically around exercising
Enough to make up for the
Non-exercise I did all week.
Questions arise:
Which non-activity
Burns more calories?
Not riding a stationary bike or
Not walking for two miles?
Opting for option #2 I slip back
Beneath the covers and
Dream of key lime pound cake.


Peace, People!