Tag: bad poetry

The New Year Approacheth

As the final few hours of 2016 tick away, Studly is yawning and I’m in my p.j.s.

Invitations? We had a few, but decided on spending a quiet night for two.

We’ll watch college football until 10 or so, then off to our bed we’ll gladly go.

At midnight I’ll give Studly a kiss; he’ll mumble I love you and return to his bliss.

The ball will drop in New York City, while my man and I snore along with our kitties.

Happy New Year to all, may this one be great, however you choose to celebrate.

Peace, people.

At a Loss for Words

I turned to Studly Doright a few minutes ago and said, “I’ve got nothing. No blog ideas. No inspiration.”

He grunted. So here’s a post about grunts.

     “Grunting Muse”

Honey can you help me?

Ungh?

I need an idea now.

Mmmph.

Anything on your mind?

Hunh?

Something with some zow?

Ergh!

You’ve been so very helpful!

Whuh?

With all your clever sounds.

Hmmm!

My muse you’ve been, as usual.

Shhsh!

Your wisdom knows no bounds.

Harrumph

Peace, people!

Constipation of the Brain

waning
words
scant
thoughts
rotten
rhymes
a clear
case
of
constipated
brain.

Doctor prescribes three glasses of rich red wine and says, “Write something brilliant tonight. You’ll be hungover in the morning.”

  

Birdsong Expert

Listening to the forest come to life is educational, and now my interest is beyond recreational.

I’ve become quite an expert in identifying birds by the sounds of their trills, now to put it in words.

There are the “Birdy Birdy” birds ’cause that’s what they say and the “Cheery Cheery” birds beckoning play.

One I’ve dubbed “Whistler’s Mum” for its lilting melodies, and another the “Car Alarm.” So annoying. Stop please!

“Dog Call” is the perfect name for one feathered friend, while “Scolder” seems anxious to point out my sins.

One poses a question, I call it, “Say What?” Just one tree over “Look at Me”
thinks he’s so hot.

Surely the experts on nature will soon call to consult me in matters of bird life, et. al.

  
Peace people!

When God Speaks

https://www.facebook.com/leslie.h.noyes/posts/10207965981321722

When God speaks I hear
Love others as yourself
Judge not
Fear not

When some hear God
They say He wants them to
Run for office
Exclude others
Discriminate

I really doubt that’s
God talking.

Time Travel

mastering the art of traveling through time took less skill than anticipated.

even so, i lifted weights, jogged for hours,
and deeply meditated.

finally i prepared to leap into the fourth dimension

engaged the machine and catapulted in a westerly direction

behold, i left at 1 p.m. eastern and arrived at 12:30 p.m. central

thus proving for once that time travel is somewhat preferential.

of course on my return to feathered nest the hour I did give back

So naught was gained on this fair day; my methods sorely did lack.

Sheet Conceit

snobbery is not my thing
until it comes to sheets
thread count, deep pockets
all the criteria to meet
yet a rift has arisen
in the sheet that was fitted
and three holes slice through
where they should be knitted
but quality bedding
is priced rather dear
so pieces i’ll
buy here and there
though i swear i can’t sleep
on mismatching linens
my sensibilities
they do offend.

Mind your own

I found a strange appendage, long and large and warty

Hanging ’round my business, sorting dirty laundry.

“Who goes there?” I cried, fearing some loathsome beast. 

Don’t mind me, the creature smiled, I’m having a great feast.

You do know, it continued, your life is quite a mess,

Of politics, and feelings hurt, and choices, not the best

When at your age you should be content to sip your lemonade.

Your hair, your style–too bold, and your ways, unstaid.

Slow down, you’re old; and your actions too frenetic.

And face it, girl you should by now be feeling apologetic.

Why waste what time you’ve got on earth writing all the time,

When sad to say you haven’t gained the necessary skill of rhyme.

The creature paused to take a breath, and finally I saw

It was just a pathetic nose above a gaping maw.

“Scat, you boogery old snot locker,” I said.

“Keep out of my business. Worry over yours, instead. 

And like any good bully, away that nose did skulk

To lick his wounds and have himself a good self-righteous sulk.

Peace, people!

 

Ares

Red,

Inhospitable,

Waterless,

Sand full,

Storm-ridden,

Planetary 

Neighbor.

Visible,

Identifiable 

Even to an 

Untrained eye,

225 million

Kilometers

Distant.

Yes, I’d go

In a heartbeat.

Explore placid

Acidalia Planitia,

Marth Crater’s

Western edge, and

Ares Vallis. 

Alas, I am

Old.

Not astronaut

Material.

Perhaps, though,

In twenty years

Or so, 

Top-rate

Extended care

Facilities for

Elderly 

Dreamers

Might open up

On distant

Mars.

Sign me up.

  
Peace, people!

Revulsion Therapy Diet

Revulsion therapy revealed to be
The secret to losing weight
No exercise or counting calories
Just eat while watching GOP debates.

It’s hard to keep one’s appetite
Or to hold one’s food in check
While Cruz prays like a Pharisee
And Trump spews racist rhetoric.

Bush’s bemused befuddlement
Plays havoc with digestion
Still Carson’s sonorous delivery
Works exactly like L-Tryptophan.

One caveat for those who choose
To suffer through this hell
Not only will pounds melt away
Your sanity might, as well.