Saginaw, Michigan, now has a drive through funeral home. Seriously. I heard this on NPR. Now, instead of having to go into the funeral home one has the option of pulling up to a curtained window at the mortuary and pressing a button to view the deceased while appropriate music plays from an overhead speaker.
According to the proprietor the drive through is aimed at those who have a fear of funeral homes. I have a fear of colonoscopies. Could my next one be done as a drive through procedure? Many people fear the dentist’s office. How about drive through root canals? Drive through proctologist, anyone?
I hate to be a stickler for protocol, but it seems like actually getting out of one’s car and going in to view a deceased friend or loved one is the very least one could do to show respect. The drive through option is more about voyeurism than anything.
“Dang, Aunt Lou sure looks good through my double-tinted window.”
“Is that a mole on her chin or bug juice on the window?”
When I pass on (I.e. die, kick the bucket, cast off this mortal coil, start pushing up daisies, breathe my last, expire, etc.) I want to be cremated, so I doubt that anyone would drive through just to view my urn. However, if they’d let folks view the bonfire, well that might draw a few spectators. We could throw in some sparklers and make it a big party! Heck, I wouldn’t even mind if sticks and marshmallows were available just as long as folks show up.
I have a real fear that since we’ve moved all over the country that upon my demise no one except a few family members will attend my funeral. I don’t know why this bothers me, since death itself is something I do not fear. So, if my funeral becomes a big party maybe it will attract a crowd. I hope everyone sings “Thanks for the Memories,” “Thank God and Greyhound She’s Gone,” and “Happy.” Then I want them to sit around the crematory bonfire and roast their marshmallows. Is that too much to ask?