Learning to Sleep Again

I overthink everything, even managing to overthink my tendency to overthink. Lately I’ve been overthinking about my inability to sleep. Granted, I do sleep better now than I did a couple of years ago, but there are still many nights when my brain refuses to shut off, nights when I feel like I have twice as many arms as a normal human and none of them can find a comfortable position in relation to my head or torso or legs.

As I engaged in overthinking I realized that part of the problem stemmed from the acres of clothing I seem to wear to bed. My simple nightshirt magically turns into a parachute-sized garment around midnight, and no matter how I turn or twist or reorient my body, it bunches up beneath me. Plus, my pajama bottoms ratchet up to my knees causing my calves to rub together and causing all sorts of unpleasant irritations. 

I liken my dilemma to that of the princess and the pea. No matter how small the annoyance, it becomes a boulder as I ache for sleep. 

I tried sleeping in the nude, but none of my body parts like touching each other. They need their own space, little divas that they are. Ideally, I should be allowed to sleep like a starfish taking up the entire bed; however, Studly Doright wouldn’t have a spot, and since he pays the rent I can’t very well shoo him away.

And honestly, I’m a side sleeper. Fetal position works best, but again, those darned body parts come into play. What I need is a mummy wrap. But then I’d get too hot, or I’d have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I can picture me in the throes of a hot flash or doing the potty dance, trying to unwind my wrappings as quickly as possible, and ultimately failing. 

So today I bought a sleep bra, and tonight I’m going to pair it with a pair of yoga pants. There’ll be no excess material to speak of, and just maybe I can prevent my arms from coming into contact with each other. I wonder how a straight jacket might work? 

Anyway, wish me luck. Better yet, wish me sleep. 

Peace, people.

Self Discovery

  

Stepping out of my comfort zone this morning, I attended a judiciary committee meeting of the Florida House of Representatives. The committee was debating a bill that would allow citizens to open carry handguns in our state, and I was there to voice my opposition to the bill.

As it turned out my voice was never heard, and that is probably for the best. It was evident from the outset that a majority of members on the committee had already given their loyalties to the powerful gun lobby. 

As I left the hearing I whispered to the young man lobbying against the bill, “I don’t know how you keep your sanity in these situations.”

He smiled and patted my little hand. “I’m used to it now,” he said.

I’m not certain I could ever get used to it–  the lawyer-ese and thinly veiled barbs. I’m afraid I do not have the restraint necessary to keep from calling someone a “doo doo head” when he clearly is a doo doo head. 

I discovered today that I would make a lousy legislator. Thank goodness.

Peace, people!

On Hold

Five minutes have passed
From secretary’s request,
“May I place you on hold?”
Before I can respond, the
Fatal click is sounded. My
Ears are now bombarded
With exhortations to stay
On course. My call will be
Answered in a manner so
Timely, so polite that any
Inconvenience should be
Promptly forgiven, voices
Say interspersed with the
Absolute worst Muzak in
History. Now ten minutes
Of my life have been spent
Holding this device to my
Ear. At least the view out
My window provides calm.

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