Category: Commentary

What’s Your Function?

In the latter part of my fifth decade on this earth I learn of the existence of Functional Water. I sincerely hope I haven’t fallen prey to the non-functional variety of H2O all these years.  
And I don’t even want to dwell on the ramifications of New Age Beverages. Do such drinks strike yoga poses when no one’s observing them? Are they into transcendental meditation?

I must explore this grocery aisle again one day soon. The secret to inner peace undoubtedly lies on 6b somewhere between the mundane offerings of bottled tea and soft drinks. Ommmmm.

Peace and functionality, people!

Call Me Delusional

I’m constantly amazed that I’m not incredibly hot. 

  
If it weren’t for mirrors I could remain oblivious.

  
At least I’m talented…

  
And compassionate.

  

How Short Is It?

My new haircut is so short…

…that it was completely dry before I stepped out of the shower.

…that the North Carolina potty police would eye me suspiciously were I to use the loo there.

…that polite children under the age of five will call me “sir.”

…that Dumbo is jealous of my ear size.

…that I’m thankful for my DD breasts.

…that having a cuter face would be nice.

…that I like it, while at the same time it needs to grow a bit before I love it.

  
No makeup, just me. Look at those freckles!!! Where’s my medal for bravery?

Peace, people.

I’m a Traveller

I seldom buy recorded music, but recently I purchased a cd by country singer Chris Stapleton. Seriously, this is good stuff. If you like your music with an infusion of whisky, I highly recommend Chris. 

http://youtu.be/4zAThXFOy2c
I don’t think there’s a bad cut on the cd. Tennessee Whisky is my favorite, though. Won’t you pour a glass of your favorite beverage and join me? Care to dance?

What Do They Know That I Don’t?

There’s a trip to Disney World in my near future. I’m meeting my niece CB and her family in Orlando to join in on their fun for a couple of days. 

No matter how old and decrepit I get, Disney World will always be one of my favorite places on earth. When I’m too ancient to walk I hope they’ll just wheel me around the parks like a load of ripe cabbages. 

I’ve been to the Magic Kingdom and its satellite parks on more than one occasion, and the one thing I have yet to perfect is the carrying of money/tickets/lip gloss/sunscreen, etc. I need something that will allow me to stow all of the above without impeding my ability to spiral upside down multiple times on Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster.

Someone suggested a fanny pack, that ridiculously non-glamorous fashion faux pas from the 80’s. So being the rabid fashionista I am, I immediately googled “cute fanny packs.” Surprisingly, there are some nifty designs, but this suggestion also came up in my search:

  
Attends? Really? Do they know something I don’t? Just in case, I sense a shopping trip in my future.

 Peace and continence, people.

 

Art in the Park

A couple of weeks ago I shrugged off my nagging back pain to attend the LeMoyne Chain of Parks Arts Festival in downtown Tallahassee.
  

The day was gorgeous, seemingly made for enjoying the arts and soaking in the sun. Here are just a few of the photos I snapped that afternoon.   
    
   
Art was everywhere, and much of it was for sale. It’s not often that I wish to be wealthy, but that day I did. 

I love functional art and these handcrafted sinks by Indikoi Sinks fit that category beautifully.   
   
Check them out online at www.indikoisinks.com

Then look at these gorgeous designs from Aquatic Impressions! 

   

Here’s how they’re made:
 

I purchased a cutting board.

  
   
Hanging around with famous folks.

 
I really want this bicycle to decorate my courtyard area. Of course I also want a dinosaur and a Buddha and maybe a 30 foot tall bacon sculpture.

  
This was created from an actual leaf. 


    
    
    
  
 

Bragging Rights

  
Bragging Rights:

Shampoo empty. Check.

Conditioner empty. Check.

Same day. 

Same time.

Boom!

Frog Talk And Wonder Woman

Studly Doright is still snoring. I’m sitting on the screened in porch, sipping my coffee and waiting for the sun to rise. It’ll be at least another half hour before the lake gets any rays, and the darkness is deep. I wouldn’t venture out past the back door just yet; although, I imagine Wonder Woman wouldn’t be afraid of the dark.

The frogs are busy. They don’t croak. They click and clack and chirp. Some sound like those pendulum desk toys with metal balls bouncing off one another faster and faster, louder and louder, until they suddenly cease as if a large hand has intervened in the laws of physics.

When the amphibians’ chatter ends, birds begin tentatively singing their morning songs. Some contribute lilting melodies while others sound vaguely like annoying car alarms. Where is the giant’s hand?

The sky has begun to lighten and the squirrels are dancing in the dry leaves as my cat Patches attends to their every move. I imagine in her dreams she chases them down and gives them a good scolding. 

  
I really don’t want to move from this spot, but even Wonder Woman has work to do.

  
Peace, and good morning, people!

Shell Game

While giving the cats their treats this morning I looked out the window next to their respective bowls and saw this critter:

  
I wanted to get a closer look, so I threw some jeans and a t-shirt on and hurried outside hoping he hadn’t had time to hide. A turtle can be surprisingly fast.

Of course the closer I got to this guy the further in he drew his head.

   
    
   
Until finally all I could see was the very tip of his nose. He didn’t trust this giantess. Can you blame him?

In other nature news, one of our magnolia trees is working overtime.

  
I have to confess that until I had a magnolia I had no idea what they looked like. The blossoms are super-sized, and the leaves look like they’ve been sprayed with Pledge. And they make a terrific mess on the forest floor. The flower on the left appears to be ready to blossom at any moment. 

Studly Doright has begun working on the beautification of our front entryway. We have quite a bit of work to do and no clear idea of how we want to decorate this area. I’m not a gardener, so I’m not entertaining  thoughts of planting anything, except maybe a few container plants. Suggestions are welcome.

  
   
The neighbors across the road have been busy clearing trees out of their front yard. Like a little kid, I love watching the work being done.

  
Every now and then I pinch myself. How did I manage to end up in such a lush paradise with a lake in my backyard? There are more trees in my neighborhood than within the city limits of my beloved hometown in the dusty Texas panhandle. 

I hope you’re where you want to be this morning.