Tag: humor

Minimalist Challenge Day 5

Five items for day 5:

Odds and ends–a dot to dot book, a deviled egg dish, an art book, a bottle for oils, and a cosmetics bag. The only thing these items have in common is that they must go.

I’m always baffled by the items I’ve thought worthy of purchasing. That egg dish is ugly beyond imagining, but it was on clearance. The oils bottle might’ve been a gift. I’m fairly certain I bought the art book at a thrift shop, along with the cosmetics bag. I have nary a clue about the dot to dot book. Truly, a mind boggler.

I’m feeling lighter by the day.

Peace, people!

Minimalist Challenge Day 4

Arts and crafts are not my thing, but for some reason there are a great many doodads and thingamajigs scattered about Doright Manor that would be found in one’s local crafts store. Since today is day four of the minimalist challenge and I had exactly four rolls of ribbon, I thought it the perfect day to rid myself of them.

Four rolls of ribbon that I’ve never used, but that are not brand new. Hence, I believe I might’ve purchased these at a garage sale thinking that I’d create something cute or use them to make a gift prettier. Instead, they’ve crouched, hidden among all my other lonely arts and crafts items, waiting with baited breath for me to notice them. Alas, they were relegated to a spot in my home where cobwebs dwell.

Goodbye ribbon. May you go to a good home where you’ll serve some greater purpose.

Peace, people.

Who Is This Man?

Have you ever looked at your spouse and thought, “What the hell?” Maybe he or she has done something so out of character that you are briefly taken aback. Perhaps they’ve said something that makes you question your entire relationship.

Several years ago Studly Doright and I were seated at a booth in a restaurant in Champaign, Illinois. When the waiter took our drink order, Studly said, “I’ll have a gin and tonic.”

I almost fell out of my chair. You see, Studly rarely drinks, and when he does, he drinks beer. I felt like I was in an episode of The Twilight Zone. Who was this guy sitting across from me and what had he done with my Studly? I was as close to having an out of body experience as I’ve ever been.

When our drinks arrived at the table I watched carefully as he took one sip, then another. Studly was actually drinking a gin and tonic. What other secrets was he keeping?

The gin and tonic period lasted roughly one summer. I bought limes and good gin and became a regular little bartender. Then abruptly Studly ended his affair with the drink and I watched the limes shrivel. Life was back to normal. I was the drinker and Studly was the sober one.

So for several years now, there have been no surprises. Until today, when I opened up a shopping bag from a local department store and discovered this:

A purple shirt. Studly, my guy who sticks to blacks and grays and greens, bought a purple shirt. Again, I feel like I’m in The Twilight Zone. What’s next? Will he begin reading the classics? Will he start quoting Shakespeare? I’m shaken to my core. God help us.

Peace, people.

Minimalist Challenge Day 3

None of these things is just like the others.

A ball of twine, an empty souvenir cup, and a fake flower are leaving my life today. I believe the cup and the flower have been taking up space at Doright Manor for four years, having come into my possession on an anniversary trip to the beach.

As for the ball of twine, I haven’t a clue. Had I planned on tying Studly Doright up for sexy shenanigans? Was I going to truss a turkey? It’s a mystery that I doubt will ever be solved.

Some things are better left to the imagination.

Peace, people!

Minimalist Challenge Day 2

Today I have to rid myself of two items in keeping with the rules of the minimalist challenge group I’ve joined on Facebook. Yesterday I had planned to take a green bath rug that didn’t match anything I owned and hadn’t been used in years to a charity run thrift shop, but someone in the group said she needed the rug, so I’m sending it to her.

For today I’m cleansing my home of this container of unsharpened colored pencils and a random piece of purple gingham fabric. I bought the pencils a couple of years ago unaware that they weren’t pre-sharpened. I don’t own a sharpener and don’t plan on buying one. Okay, that makes me an idiot, I know. As for the fabric, I have absolutely no idea why it was in my arts and crafts supply box. Aliens? The GOP? Who knows?

Technically I suppose I could count the pencils individually and use them later in the challenge, say, on the 48th day of February (!) or so. But they were sold as a set and thus count as one item.

Minimalist Challenge

I joined a minimalist challenge group on Facebook. Our goal is to declutter our lives by getting rid of a specific number of items every day in February. On day one, we have to get rid of one item, on day two, two items, and so on. By the end of February each participant will have discarded a total of 424 items. I think. I might’ve forgotten to carry a two in one or more of my calculations. I know there’s a formula that might’ve made the process simpler, but my algebra days are far behind me.

Participants can send items to the trash bin, donate them, or give them to friends as gifts. Additionally, no items that are merely “wants” can be purchased during the month unless an additional four items per want are discarded. There are other rules, but these are the main ones.

Frankly, I’m not sure I have what it takes to complete this challenge. I can see that the first 10 to 15 days will be fairly easy. Just sitting in my recliner next to an end table stacked with papers, magazines, and coupons I can see at least two dozen items that need new homes. I guess if I get stumped for items to dispose of I can send Studly off to live with the gypsies.

Wish me luck. You may all be sick of this before the month is over. I’ll try not to be too obnoxious. Who am I kidding? Obnoxious is my middle name.

Peace, people!

Item #1: a green bath rug is headed to a nearby charity-run thrift store.

Looking for a Whatsit

Yesterday I posted about the Happy Painter, aka Janie Roberts, and her shop out at The House of Plywood in Tallahassee’s Railroad Square Art Park. I was specifically looking for a replacement for this piece:

This was the crowning glory of a decorative candle holder my eldest sister-in-law, Lyn, had given me four years ago as a housewarming gift. It fit atop this piece,

and enjoyed a place of prominence on my dining room table. Upon presenting me with the gift Lyn had made just for me, she advised me to avoid picking it up by the top. For three and a half years I was so careful to follow her advice, but one day I moved it without thinking and you see the results above.

I’d tried to describe to Janie at The Happy Painter just what it was I was looking for–a sconce, a globe, a whatsit, but until I took the piece in she wasn’t sure exactly what I meant. The minute she saw it she sent me to another vendor, Chip, who has a wonderful lamp shop in Railroad Square. I’ll do a whole piece on Chip’s shop one of these days. I’m not even sure of the name of the place, but he found me a possible replacement for a reasonable price.

Now I just have to break out the old glass and affix this new whatsit to the wrought iron piece. I’ll get Studly Doright to help me with that. There’ll likely be less bloodshed that way.

So what is the proper name for this? Is it a sconce? A globe? A whatsit?

Happy Painter Art and Furniture Studio

On Friday I had two appointments in Tallahassee and a big stretch of time between the two. Rather than return to Doright Manor after appointment number one I had lunch at a cafe and then treated myself to a Lemon Cooler cookie from the Cake Shop. Yum! Even then I still had over two hours to kill before appointment number two, so I drove out to Railroad Square Art Park.

Railroad Square is a fun place with all sorts of shops ranging from the relatively bland (a construction company) to the bohemian (an herbalist), and there’s even a great brewery called “Proof.”

Lately I’ve been on a mission to find a couple of specific items, so I went to the fabulously named House of Plywood.

The House of Plywood is an artisans’ craft mall with unique shops lining the breezeway. I’d wandered in before, but today I got no farther than artist Janie Lou Roberts’s shop.

Janie remembered me and what I was in search of from my previous visit several weeks before! For someone like me who can scarcely remember what my husband looks like on a day to day basis (I make him wear a name tag to cut down on the awkwardness), her recall was astounding, and a bit flattering. (Note to self: Really TRY to remember what Studly Doright looks like.)

Janie and I discussed the object I was looking for (I’ll post about this object tomorrow) and she made some more suggestions as to where I might find one. Then I took time to look around Janie’s shop–“The Happy Painter and Furniture Studio.”

Janie paints happy paintings. I didn’t take pictures because I wasn’t thinking. That’s not uncommon in my life. But Janie’s paintings are vivid and engaging. She painted one of a pair of sunflowers that made me think of a sunshiny, floral American Gothic. I could find it on her page, but this is her profile picture from Janie’s Facebook page:

Here another of Janie from Facebook:

In addition to happy paintings, Janie sells books, small pieces of furniture, and all sorts of little accessories. Even better, she’s a genuinely nice person, and if she doesn’t have what you’re looking for, she’ll point you in the right direction.

(I receive no compensation for this post. I just want people to check out Janie and her business.)

Peace, people!

But I Don’t WANT To Write

I write something for this blog and post daily. I’ve done so for several years now, but last night the toddler in me was balking. Toddler Nana didn’t WANT to write anything, and nobody could make her.

When I crawled into bed I said to myself, “Self, you don’t have to write anything tomorrow if you don’t feel like it.”

I congratulated myself profusely. Then my brain spent the next hour and 20 minutes churning out one forgettable blog post idea after another.

“Okay!” I snarled at myself. “I’ll write SOMETHING, but I won’t enjoy it.”

Good news: I purchased some new eye liner and will most likely be able to find humor in the application process for a future post. Grasping for straws, folks. Ooh! There’s a title.

Peace, people.

Odds and Evens

Odds and Evens

I’m on a roll with the odd word, feeling lucky in this odd world, moreover,

Never tell me the odds, even if I plead, even if they favor me. Odd one out,

Even Steven, even playing field, even I can read the writing on the wall. After

All, I’m an odd duck, even on my best days, even when I try to fit in. By

The way, this isn’t even one of those days. Odd, don’t you think? Then we’re even.

This piece of nonsense came about when I realized my previous two posts had the word “Odd” in the titles. Since two is an even number I had to go for a third post using the word “odd”; because I believe in evening things out. Or something.

Additionally, I spent the day frittering away my time, getting my hair cut and colored. Holy cow, is my hair dark! I’m even odder looking now. See what I did there?

Peace, people!