Going Guatemalan

If I had plenty of money I would spend it on travel; whereas, Studly would spend it on golf and motorcycles. Fortunately, I don’t mind traveling on my own, and if I leave him enough food and water he can survive on his own for a few days.

Last night the older of my two “little” brothers called me from Guatemala where he’s been all week visiting his oldest daughter, HH. She works for Teysha, an incredible company involved in empowering indigenous peoples in Guatemala. Check them out at teysha.is They sell the most exquisite handmade shoes and boots.

The lovely HH and her fiancé are planning to marry in Antigua, Guatemala, in mid-April. I hadn’t really given much thought to going, I mean, it’s in GUATEMALA, for Pedro’s sake, but then my brother said, “What’s it going to take for you to come for the wedding?”

I put up all sorts of objections. He had all sorts of answers. Bottom line, I’m going to Guatemala in April. I didn’t sleep a wink all night. I’d almost doze off and then it would hit me again: I’m going to South America!

There are so many things I need to do: brush up on my Spanish, lose 10 pounds, buy a dress, learn the Guatemalan national anthem. Do I need shots? Fortunately my passport won’t expire until this fall, so I don’t have to deal with that.

Of course the Studmeister isn’t going. After our trip to Scotland a couple of years ago he declared he’d had enough international travel to last a lifetime. And, honestly, I don’t think Guatemala is ready for Studly.

Look at these gorgeous shoes!

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Peace, People!

British and American English: Talking about tea

And now we know! I love this beautiful blog at notesfromtheuk.com

Notes from the U.K.

Tea isn’t just a drink here, it’s a meal and a marker of class. (You’ll find lots of those if you know how to look.) If you’re working class, tea is the evening meal and dinner is lunch. If you’re upper class, the evening meal is supper. Are you still with me? You won’t be for long, because A. adds, “But we all say supper now.”

Who’s “we”?

Sorry, you’re on your own there.

Screamingly irrelevant photo. He doesn’t care what the meal’s called.

And in case this isn’t confusing enough, I’ve read that all this turns into its opposite in other parts of the country, so you have to know where someone’s from to know what they’re eating. Or drinking. Or talking about.

Wild thing was on the phone with H. and invited her to stop by for tea after something they were doing together. H. told us later that…

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Candy Crush Withdrawal

Twelve step programs
Always say, first one must
Admit one has a problem.
I have a problem.

Bidding adieu to the
Crush Sisters:
Candy and Soda
Piece of cake.

Too many hours spent
Bringing fruit all the
Way to the bottom
Or eliminating bombs.

Chocolate and bears.
Candy of all colors.
Deceptively innocent
Addictive as hell.

Then, the tremors
Began. My fingers
Beat staccato trying
To find bears.

Today I searched in
Vain for the icons
Deleted two days past.
Lord, give me strength.

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Mall Thinking

People watching at the
Mall:

Elderly woman cajoles
Her husband.
Then commands.
She worries he’s done
Too much today.
Their hands touch
Briefly. He hates
Feeling old as she
Fetches Starbucks.

Thirty-somethings,
Husband and wife
Carry plump
Pillows between them.
She looks at him
With love and
Something akin to
Annoyance.
He is oblivious.

Young adults sit giggling
Heads together
Job applications stacked
Neatly between them.
Pens scratch earnestly
Between witty asides.
Don’t make me laugh!
You made me forget
My address!

Mother and pink clad
Toddler enjoy
Conversation in a
Language I cannot
Understand. Their
Eyes smile. Little
Girl dances impatiently
Eager to join others
At play.

I wonder is anyone
Watching me?

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Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale

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I believe Whole Foods has a new marketing approach. It works like this: Station a really good looking younger man in front of the beer cooler section. Have him look slightly perplexed. Unsuspecting older women will be sure to ask if he needs a hand. 😜 Then he’ll say, “Oh there it is! You really should try this. It’s an ale aged in Kentucky bourbon barrels.”

Let’s face it, the guy might’ve said, “You really should try this. It’s a monkey’s butt aged in peanut butter,” and I’d have purchased it.

Yes, I bought an exorbitantly priced four pack of this stuff because the guy was ridiculously cute. Thank goodness, it’s really quite good.
Well done, Whole Foods, well done.

Peace, People!

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Ok, this wasn’t him, but I’d buy whatever he’s selling, too.

When the Waitress Gets it Wrong

Today I clearly heard
Myself order a
Grilled shrimp salad
Dressing on the side,
Unsweetened iced tea
With lemon.

Imagine my surprise
When tea arrived
Sweet as a toddler’s kiss.
After a sip I sent it back
Receiving a chastened
Tea in return.

My salad arrived, a
Wide expanse of
Iceberg lettuce ringed with
Red onions and simulated
Cheeses, white and yellow,
And fried chicken.

Excuse me, miss,
I ordered grilled shrimp.
No, she said, eyes rolling
I wrote down fried chicken
See. Indeed she had,
But I’m inclined to believe me.

While taking my order
She’d outrageously
Flirted with two men
Seated at the next table,
Hoping I suppose for
Big tips.

I ate the salad anyway,
And didn’t make a fuss,
But when she came to refill
My tea, I said, with a twinkle,
Remember, dear, I asked for
Unsweet.

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Pageant Mom

I’m just popping with pride! Our beautiful daughter has been referred to a seemingly prestigious group soliciting her entry into a nationwide beauty pageant. Of course we’ve always known our Ashley was pageant material, so it’s nice to feel vindicated.

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Yes, today we received a letter from NAM, the sponsors of the National American Miss Pageant. Now, I hope they don’t mind that our daughter is in her early 30’s or that she has daughters old enough to compete in this pageant. Oh, and she’s married, so I guess the “miss” part doesn’t apply.

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I can’t wait to call Ashley and remind her to dress for success for her open call audition. After all, there’s a Ford Mustang convertible on the line. She’ll be so excited.

See, she might not be a miss, but she’s beautiful.

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Slippery Slope

I wandered around the kitchen wares department at Bed, Bath, and Beyond today. It’s amazing how many tools, gadgets, storage containers, etc., are out there. What’s even more amazing is my new compulsion to buy them. All of them.

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The question is, do I NEED a melon baller? Do I NEED a garlic press? No, probably not, but dang, they’re cute! Why didn’t anyone ever tell me how much fun it is to shop for cooking paraphernalia?

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And the ideas! Holy cow! It’s almost as if they’ve been waiting for me my entire life! Is it too late for me to have a love affair with cooking? Or at least a fling with the gadgets? 😍

Peace, People!

Say It

Talk to me, friends. I love this piece by John White, blogged on his site doubleupoet.wordpress.com. Tell me what you think.

DoubleU = W

It’s not so hard to admit,

When you are being honest,

Though it can make you feel weak,

And at another’s mercy.

The grim coldness of it all,

Its utter finality,

A heartless uncaring hand,

Taking you away from here.

Say it:

You, Friend, just like I, fear death.

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