Tag: humor

Jury Duty Today

I received the jury summons several weeks ago. To my credit, upon reading the summons I didn’t stomp my feet or throw myself on the floor in a tantrum; although, I did grab my calendar to see if I was scheduled for anything that might be used to excuse me from serving. Not a flipping thing. Sigh.

So off I go this morning to do my civic duty in Gadsden County, Florida. Last time I served I ended up as the foreman on a hit and run case in Champaign, Illinois. I’m hoping to blend more quietly into the background this time; although, I did keep the panel from getting bogged down in the swamp of “what ifs.”

And I’m pretty sure I did a better job of delivering the jury’s decision than Yoda:

Peace, people!

Minimalist Challenge, Day 12

Shades of Joan Crawford! No more wire hangers! Okay, I still have roughly two dozen more, but I might need to beat someone sometime.

Don’t recall the Mommy Dearest reference? Let me refresh your memory:

https://youtu.be/XOILKHmZBwc

Tomorrow is day 13, and I need to come up with something spectacular. Any suggestions? Everything except Studly Doright and the cats are expendable. And maybe my Star Wars collection. And my handbags. And boots….

Peace, people!

Minimalist Challenge, Day 11

Underneath my bathroom sink, tucked inside the cabinet lurked these empty and almost empty containers. A couple of the products still are roughly half full, but I found they didn’t agree with my somewhat sensitive skin. And still I kept them around.

Did I think my skin would miraculously change one morning and I’d cry, “Free at last” whilst drenching myself in the luxury of their scents. After 61 years of dealing with sensitive skin issues I should’ve known better.

Those ten items are going into the shopping bag behind them and then the whole shebang is going into the trash, thus fulfilling the requirements for day 11.

Peace, people!

The Post, Not a Review

Studly Doright was out of town most of last week, and by noon on Wednesday I was bored. The best cure for boredom is a movie, so I took myself out to see The Post, starring Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks. I must say I’m an excellent date. I don’t order outrageously priced snacks and I don’t talk during the movie.

I’m not going to review this film other than to say “For the love of country, go see it!”

The acting is incredible and the story so timely it’ll make your heart hurt. There are journalists out there right this minute who are working their butts off to bring us the truth in the tradition of the courageous and tenacious men and women who prevailed during the Nixon years. Never forget that when trump starts calling their work “fake news.”

The film should be required viewing by every American. Peace, people.

Minimalist Challenge, Day 10

Ten days into the minimalist challenge and I haven’t even come close to running out of things to discard. Today’s destash is a mashup of items found in various closets at Doright Manor. There is no theme for today, just a big “buhbye!”

(See the poem below the photo for a list of the items.)

I can write a poem about today’s purge, but it won’t be pretty!

Three frames I see, yet they sit empty, and a vaseless bouquet that’ll never decay.

Essential oils in a tiny vial, and an eye liner tube I tried on trial

A spent toothbrush not fit to be used, and a broken cow ornament without any moos.

Finally two empty bags, old and sad, who knows why I kept them? Perhaps I’m mad.

Peace, people.

Minimalist Challenge Day 9

I attacked my stash of hardly ever worn, barely used shoes for Day Nine of the Minimalist Challenge. After consulting with the czarina of the challenge I learned that a pair of shoes counts as two items. So rather than wait until day 10 and offer up five pairs of shoes, I stuck with four pairs and threw in the bath mat that matches the rug I discarded on day one of the challenge.

On a related note, I’m not sure why I bought any of these shoes to begin with. The ballet type flats never fit my feet quite right. Good riddance to bad bunions.

Peace, people!

Beware the Green Rug, or Be Careful What You Ask For

On the first day of posting about taking part in the Minimalist Challenge I included a photo of the one item I’d be purging on that day:

This green bath mat needed a new home, and I had planned to take it to Goodwill. Then a Facebook friend commented, “John, we need this.”

I told her to send me her address on Messenger, and I’d send it to her. As soon as I had the address I put the rug in a box, taped it all up, and sent it off to Texas.

On Wednesday morning I received this message in Messenger. I’m still laughing.

Leslie – the box came today. Thank you. And now a hilarious confession. When I commented on your rug post, I said “John , we need this” ( tagging my husband) Which caused you to offer to send it and so on. What I really meant was “John, we need to do this challenge”. I literally thought you were sending me some kind of booklet or instructions for the challenge. Until I opened the box. I literally laughed until tears were streaming down my face. I never once thought you thought I wanted the rug. Until I opened the box! I am sorry for your trouble to get it to me! I definitely owe you one. And now I have the first item for MY 30 day challenge. I hope you find this as funny as I do! 🤣😂🤪

Honestly I had been curious as to why she NEEDED this particular bath rug, but I don’t really know her other than through Facebook, and who was I to deny her something she needed? Maybe this bath rug looked like one her grandmother had owned or maybe she couldn’t find this shade of green at her local Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Mine was not to question why, mine was just to send a bath rug.

Oh man. Life is good.

Peace, people!

–Leslie

Minimalist Challenge, Day 8

I’m beginning to think I might fit the profile of a hoarder. These boxes were stashed in various bathroom drawers. There isn’t anything inside any of them. Completely empty.

I’d like to blame some of this foolishness on Studly Doright. And that’s exactly what I’ll do. Brilliant.

“Studly, you got some ‘splaining to do!”

Good riddance to empty boxes.

Stretching Like an Athlete Follow Up

Several weeks ago I posted about Stretching Your Life, a business owned and operated by kinesiologists in Tallahassee. As a 61-year-old I’d become dissatisfied with feeling like a 91-year-old, while my mind kept insisting I’m only 40-something. The disconnect was driving me nuts. I’d even sold my motorcycle because it was exceedingly painful to put my leg over the seat.

One of Studly Doright’s golf buddies referred me to Stretching for Life and I’ve had two sessions of intense one-to-one stretching along with three group stretching sessions. In addition, Jen, the kinesiologist with whom I work most closely, thought I’d benefit from A.R.P. therapy at a chiropractic office in town.

A.R.P. therapy (which I’ve also heard referred to as A.R.T. and A.R.C.) is akin to STIM therapy, in that small padded electrodes are attached to the body and emit a series of electrical impulses that cause the muscles to contract and relax. But A.R.P. is much more intense, the padded electrodes are larger, and the patient is physically active during the therapy.

I almost cried at my first visit, not because it was painful, but because I could feel the muscles in my thighs and hips letting go of their normal clinched and pinched state. I could lift my knee and simulate throwing my leg over a motorcycle seat–something I haven’t been able to do in over a year.

Now after three A.R.P. therapy sessions I’m moving much better, and the chiropractor is ready to turn me back over to Jen. The secret is to keep stretching and try to gain even more flexibility in the process. Who knows, maybe my body and mind can meet somewhere in the middle!

Peace, people!

https://youtu.be/27cunjLzYdA

Minimalist Challenge, Day 7

Today wasn’t a very exciting purge, and it’s not going to free up much space in my closet; however, I’m not sure why I was hanging onto these seven shopping bags:

It’s not as if I was going to use them as gift bags. That would just be tacky. Right?

Back when I worked full time I sometimes carried my lunch in one of the small shopping bags, but I no longer have to do that. And while in the past I’ve used such bags to tote a change of clothes to the gym, I own a perfectly good gym bag. So these bags are going into the recycling bin unless someone can give me a good reason to hang onto them.

Peace, people!