Could it be Prosopagnosia?

Remember back when you were a small child and someone, maybe a parent, perhaps a teacher, assured you that at some point you would discover your God-given talent? I do. And I’m still waiting. It’s not that I’m without any talents, it’s just that none of them seem worth developing.

For example, I still remember a license plate number my California cousins and I memorized when we were pre-teens. We were sitting outside a bank in Porterville, CA, waiting for my uncle to return from making a deposit when a man carrying an honest-to-goodness money bag hurried out of the building. We decided he was robbing the bank and memorized the number on his pickup truck. U19 671. I’m still prepared to testify as an eye witness some 50 years after the fact.

I also know the differences between four stroke and two stroke engines and can describe their respective firing sequences. In addition I can explain baseball’s infield fly rule and the reasoning behind it. And when given a multiple choice test on just about any subject I’m more likely to pass than to fail. Whoopee!

There are a great many more things, though, that I have no talent for. The one that’s driving me crazy right now is my inability to recognize faces, specifically faces of famous people; although, I often joke that I even make Studly Doright wear a name tag when he returns from a lengthy business trip.

I’ve been playing Ellen DeGeneres’s Hot Hands game on my iPhone lately. In this game one must try to call out the names of a succession of celebrities within a limited amount of time. I simply cannot do it. Tom Hanks becomes “Bob, Jim, Um, Rob!” Likewise Madonna becomes “Bob, Jim, Um, Rob?!” So do Oprah Winfrey, Sandra Bullock, and Denzel Washington.

As a result of playing this game I’ve come to believe I have a mild version of a condition know as prosopagnosia.

Prosopagnosia is a neurological disorder characterized by the inability to recognize faces. Prosopagnosia is also known as face blindness or facial agnosia. The term prosopagnosia comes from the Greek words for “face” and “lack of knowledge.”

Some folks with the condition can’t even recognize their own faces in the mirror! I’m not that bad, but I swear I’m struck dumb when trying to identify any celebrities. Do you think they’d mind wearing name tags just until I get the hang of the game?

All the Kardashians, or as I like to call them, “Bob, Jim, Um, Rob?”

Peace, people!

The Post, Not a Review

Studly Doright was out of town most of last week, and by noon on Wednesday I was bored. The best cure for boredom is a movie, so I took myself out to see The Post, starring Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks. I must say I’m an excellent date. I don’t order outrageously priced snacks and I don’t talk during the movie.

I’m not going to review this film other than to say “For the love of country, go see it!”

The acting is incredible and the story so timely it’ll make your heart hurt. There are journalists out there right this minute who are working their butts off to bring us the truth in the tradition of the courageous and tenacious men and women who prevailed during the Nixon years. Never forget that when trump starts calling their work “fake news.”

The film should be required viewing by every American. Peace, people.

Swing Batta

Bottom of the 

Ninth.

Pitcher’s team has a

One run lead.

He spits.

Sunflower seeds,

Shells fly,

On the mound

Surveys the bases

All around

Steps down and

Spits again.

Runners on 

First and second.

No outs.

Top of the order.

No outs!!

Pitcher takes the

Mound.

Fire in his eyes.

Catcher signals 1,

Moves his glove

Low and inside.

Pitcher nods.

First pitch–

Batter tees off

Catches ball’s

Bottom, pops it

Straight up.

“Infield fly!”

Yells ump,

“Batter’s out!”

Ball dribbles to

Mound.

Pitcher catches

Runner off second,

Tags him

Trying to get to

Third.

Runner from first

Caught in rundown

Between one, three, and

Six.

Triple play

Saves the day.

Good game, good game!

Let’s go to Dairy Queen!

Studly and I coached Little League softball and baseball teams for many years. One of the most difficult aspects of the sport for kids to understand is the infield fly rule. 

It took me awhile to understand it, too, but I think I’ve got it now:

If there are fewer than two outs with runners on first and second, or first, second, and third, and a fly ball is hit that can be fielded by a player in the infield, the batter is automatically out and runners advance at their own risk. Basically it’s protection for the runners, but try explaining that to an 8-year-old batter whose ball goes uncaught and is called “out!” Tears often ensue.

In the words of Tom Hanks, 

  
Peace, People!