Things I Know (War of the Worlds version)

These are things that occurred to me as I watched the War of the Worlds, Tom Cruise edition, on HBO Sunday evening.

–Studly Doright would absolutely be able to maneuver through traffic to put distance between us and the Martians. Whatever it took, he’d keep me safe.

–I’d be the one to declare we were up against Martians. Studly would try to convince me it was a natural disaster.

–I’d rather have Studly by my side in an emergency than Tom Cruise. Unless snakes were involved, then I’m going to go with Cruise.

–Martians are not good people.

–I really shouldn’t watch scary movies when I’m by myself.

–Tom Cruise hasn’t aged in years. It’s creepy.

(War of the Worlds, 2005, top. Mission Impossible: Fallout, 2018, bottom)

–Maybe he’s an alien.

–Dakota Fanning’s character is annoying as hell.

–The scariest scene of all is when humans are attacking Tom Cruise’s car with him and his family inside, begging the question, “Who are the real monsters in this movie?”

–Have I mentioned what a total pain in the ass Dakota Fanning’s character is? Shrill little fart.

–Storm shelters can provide some protection from alien attack. Unfortunately I live in Florida, so a cellar is out of the question.

–“Little Deuce Coupe” is a passable lullaby when sung by Tom Cruise.

–Society breaks down quickly in the face of catastrophic events. Why does that always surprise me?

–Never trust the crazy guy who invites you to stay in his storm cellar.

–Mirrors are our friends when used to confuse Martians.

–An idiot with a gun can threaten the lives of everyone.

–Sometimes good guys have to take extreme measures to insure their children survive.

–Dakota Fanning. Can we get a muzzle?

–It’s hard to beat a good hand grenade detonated in a timely manner.

–Remember why the aliens die? We’re toxic, that’s why. Big surprise. Not.

–It’s a better movie than I’d remembered it being.

Peace, people.

Me, the Critic

I’m a frequent moviegoer. Perhaps with the right education I might’ve become a movie critic. Instead, I just see as many different movies as I can and place them into one of three columns:

  1. Movies that stink
  2. Movies that don’t stink
  3. Movies I love and will pay to see again and again.

Column #2 boasts the largest number of films. I’m fairly forgiving, and if I can find anything amusing or endearing about a movie it earns a “Movies that don’t stink” berth. 

Honestly, not too many movies get a spot in column #1. Occasionally I’ll come across something that has no redeeming qualities such as Eyes Wide Shut which tolled the death knell for Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman’s marriage and might’ve been ok if it had been even slightly arousing. 

  
I saw it after having imbibed one too many alcoholic beverages, and ended up giggling throughout the film. It was only much later that I realized it wasn’t a comedy. Oops! Definitely a column #1 kind of film.

Similarly, column #3 is fairly small. Episodes IV, V, and VI of the Star Wars saga are founding members (episode I narrowly missed being placed in column #2) along with the three original Indiana Jones movies. 

 

A man who deserves his own category.
 
On Wednesday I saw the latest installment in the James Bond franchise, Spectre. Good heavens, Daniel Craig is the bomb. Even if the movie stunk, which it doesn’t, I’d put it in column #2. Talk about redeeming qualities! Whew! And, if I can’t stop thinking about those qualities, Spectre might just get moved into column #3.

  
Peace, people!

Clone Wars

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Clone Wars.”

Best not to clone me,
Two me’s would be too many;
Three, ridiculous.

Clone instead two men:
Harrison Ford and Tom Cruise,
Then share their cloned selves.

I get Mister Ford
You get Tom Cruise for yourself.
Or we could switch out.

I really don’t care,
After all cloning ensures
There will be plenty.

And what shall I do
With my hunky cloned Harry?
That’s too personal.

By the way, Tom Cruise
Gained mention because his name
Has two syllables.

Instead of more, like
Huey Lewis, George Clooney
And Paul McCartney.

IMG_0763

IMG_0762

IMG_0765

IMG_0766

IMG_0767