Month: December 2019

Third Time’s a Wake Up Call

As I was getting dressed this morning, a weird piece of music was coming from my bedroom. I leaned around the corner and said, “Alexa, stop.”

The blue ring activated, but the music continued to play.

“Alexa, stop,” I repeated, figuring my connection was weak.

Again, the blue ring activated, but the band played on.

“Dammit. Alexa, stop!” I commanded, walking towards the unit as I spoke.

That’s when I realized the music was issuing from my cell phone, and not the Bluetooth speaker. I silenced the YouTube video I’d left playing on my phone and apologized.

“Alexa, I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“That’s okay,” she replied.

I wasn’t certain Siri would forgiven me so easily. So I yelled at her and then told her I was sorry. Her response? “No need to apologize.”

Maybe it’s time I did all of my conversing with these two pretend people. They don’t yell back, and they’re quick to forgive.

Peace, people.

A Festive State Mind

Hallelujah, I’m finally in a festive mood. The humbugs have been banished, and the grinch is gone. What, you might ask, has prompted my change in spirit? It wasn’t just one big thing that did the trick, but a series of small events.

1. My daughter called me several days ago with more than a hint of excitement in her voice. She lives in Illinois, and the long, cold winters there take a toll on her. So to hear her bubbling over with happiness made me happy.

2. All of my Christmas shopping is done and gifts are either en route or already under their respective recipients’ trees.

3. Studly Doright and I attended a company Christmas party at a Humphrey Bogart themed restaurant in DeFuniak Springs, FL. Since I’d just mentioned the film Casablanca in a recent post, I thought that dinner at a place called “Bogey’s” was more than a coincidence. Before we arrived at the restaurant Studly and I both thought it was golf themed. Boy, was he disappointed.

4. Our daughter sent photos and video of our youngest granddaughter performing in her school’s holiday concert. Isn’t she adorable? (The answer is “yes,” by the way.) Note the cute little guy next to her with his puffed out cheeks.

5. Our daughter, who played trombone all through middle and high school, is playing again–now in her kids’ high school pep band. Her family lives in a small town, and the pep band is correspondingly small, so when she realized a parent was playing in the pep band she asked the director if he could use another trombonist. He could, and that’s why she was so excited (refer to #1). She played her first gig on Monday night at a basketball game.

6. We’ve gone three days without finding cat pee where it shouldn’t be. Knock on wood.

7. This morning I’m meeting a friend for a holiday art show at LeMoyne Center for the Visual Arts in Tallahassee and lunch at somewhere still to be determined.

8. Tonight Studly and I will attend the last of his company’s Christmas parties at Giorgio’s in Tallahassee. No ugly sweaters this time–I’m not sure whether that makes me sort of sad or extraordinarily excited. Leaning towards the excited; although, that means I probably need to put some thought into my appearance. At least with an ugly sweater I could just wear jeans.

8. Finally, I found this on Facebook. https://youtu.be/tEjLS0OHWnQ

Peace, people

Snapshot #271

I’m calling this one Proof That Winter Visits Florida.

White Christmas Remake

At the risk of sounding heretical I confess that there are many classic movies I’ve never seen in their entirety: Casablanca, The African Queen, and An Affair to Remember to name a few. And I always manage to tune into them in roughly the same spot. I’ve seen Deborah Kerr meet Cary Grant’s Italian grandmother twenty or more times, but I’ve never seen the beginning of the film.

Likewise, I somehow always tune into White Christmas when Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye and the rest of the crew are making plans to pay tribute to their former general. I had no idea how they came to perform at the Columbia Inn in Vermont, or how they met the Haynes sisters played by Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen. I never knew that their former general owned the inn!

A couple of days ago, though, I tuned in just in time to watch White Christmas from the opening credits to the closing ones. I saw every song and dance number–the good ones and the mediocre.

It’s such a pretty movie with a sweet story. I began to wonder if there should be a remake. John Legend could play the Bing Crosby role. Ed Sheeran could take on Danny Kaye’s part. Lady Gaga and Beyoncé could play the parts of the Haynes sisters. Okay, maybe they wouldn’t be sisters in the remake, just a performing duo.

I’d pay money to see that from the beginning.

Now I need to tackle the rest of the movies on my list.

https://youtu.be/w9QLn7gM-hY

Peace, people.

The Cat Peed on the Tree Skirt. Again.

I cross my fingers

Every day

That there’ll be no pee

Under the Christmas tree

Or in the bath tub

Or on the Persian rug.

It’s all a crap shoot

My life now revolves

Around the wheres

And the theres

The calming formulae

And deterrent sprays

I’m a detective

For my cat’s defective

Elimination behaviors

Seek and destroy

Clean and remove

I guess it could be worse

It could be poo.

Peace, people.

Snow What?

Last night I said to my husband, “Dang, I’m sleepy.”

“Really,” he replied. “And all these years I thought you were Grumpy.”

That’s life with Studly Doright.

Peace, people.

A Little Lost

Crushed by a harsh word

Confused and a little lost

Left alone to cry

Don’t even mind her

Feeling sorry for herself

Sitting in the dark

Why is she always

Afraid to test the waters

Lest she slip and drown

An Artist’s Prayer

I borrowed this from one of my favorite authors. It applies to just about everything, and I felt compelled to share it this morning.

Peace, people.

Vigil Auntie Meets Ms. Kitty Claws

All great superheroes have an origin story. Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider and became Spiderman. Superman was born on the dying planet of Krypton and was sent to earth by his concerned parents in an effort to save their infant son.

Then there’s Vigil Auntie who came into her powers out of necessity when confronted with the knowledge of a cabal of cats whose plan for world domination includes cornering the market on catnip and urinating on any and every surface imaginable. Vigil Auntie’s powers are legion, but primarily include the ability to find and eradicate unwelcome puddles of cat pee wherever they might be found.

Our intrepid superhero once found herself taken in by an innocent looking feline named Patches at a vulnerable time in Vigil Auntie’s schedule. Fresh from her morning shower, she noted that Patches was sweetly drowsing on a bathroom rug,

“Ah!” thought Vigil Auntie. “This would be an ideal time to apply the new medication meant to prevent Patches from peeing on stuff. I’ll just put some of the cream on my finger and place it in the fold of her ear as prescribed. She’ll never even know I’m here, and the cabal’s plot will be spoiled.”

No sooner had Vigil Auntie squeezed a dollop of cream onto her index finger than Patches opened her eyes a slit. Determined to apply the medicine, the superhero placed a calming hand onto Patches’s back but was met with a hiss.

“Now, now! I’m not going to hurt you sweet kitty,” she whispered. “Just hold still for a…wait. Dammit. Come here.”

Forgetting she was completely naked and vulnerable to attack, Vigil Auntie scooped up Patches who in the blink of an eye became the notorious villain, Ms. Kitty Claws, determined to prevent any attempt at limiting her elimination locations.

Undeterred by Ms. Kitty Claws’ whipcord speed and razor sharp talons raking across her breasts, her stomach, and her thighs, Vigil Auntie successfully applied the medication as directed.

“Take that, you foul villain!”‘she cried in triumph, allowing the cat to escape.

“Bwahaha!” laughed the cat. “You might’ve won this battle, but victory in war will be mine. And just look at the damage I inflicted. Imagine how much worse it will be when you lose!”

Reluctantly Vigil Auntie look down at her naked form. Scratches, scratches everywhere and blood dripping from her thumb.

“My sacrifice was worth it. Next time, just you wait. As God is my witness I’ll never fight naked again.”

As Ms. Kitty Claws slinked off into the hallway she was heard to say, “I should really go pee on something, but oddly enough, I don’t feel the need anymore. Curses! Foiled again!”

Peace, and nonsense, people!

Vigil Auntie

Lesson Learned

Never, under any circumstances, should one attempt to apply a topical medicine to a cat’s ear fold while naked. That is all.