Just Okay

Yesterday I got my hair cut really short. It’s so short that even my meager styling skills are sufficient to keep my hair looking okay.

I’m good with just okay. If I had any thoughts of entering a beauty pageant in the future I’d need to have higher personal beauty standards, but that boat sailed, and sank, many years ago.

Studly Doright dated a beauty pageant winner before he started dating me. She dumped him, and for a long time I agonized about being just okay knowing his previous girlfriend was a beauty. I wore my inferiority complex like a consolation prize badge.

Studly and I even double dated with the beauty queen and her boyfriend, further complicating and elevating my complex. I was a mess.

I used to fantasize about being a great beauty, or failing that, that my sparkling personality might at least earn me a Miss Congeniality nod in a pageant. Sadly, my personality is just okay, as well.

Maybe I could’ve won the Miss Magic Marker pageant. My fine motor skills are decent, and I’d be fine with someone printing large M’s on my tatas. Alas, I was born too late.

Now, if there was a Miss Procrastination pageant, I’d be all over that.

I’ve excelled at procrastinating long enough to write this blog post. Time to go back to being just okay.

Peace, people!

Aesthetics Issue

I either need a new face or a new haircut. Since I’m most likely stuck with the mug I’ve got, I’m focusing on haircuts.

My hair is super fine and I keep it short. I don’t seem to have any less hair at 62 than I did at 18, though, so I’m not worried about having sparse hair. There’s just not a lot of it.

I found this cut on the internet:

Now, if I had the perfect face like the model, I’d go for this. Hell, I might do it anyway, although, I’m likely to look like a squashed cantaloupe with a bit of mold up top. I’m bummed.

To cheer myself up I googled “funny mug shots.” Worked like a charm. Remind me to never get arrested.

Peace, people!

Snapshot #229

I call this one, “A Metaphor for My Life.”

Poor mannequin. Her arms were askew. One was turned completely backwards. I felt like I’d found my spirit animal.

Mortality

I see every year

Those past and those yet to come

Regrets, yet no fear

My youth in review

Awkward forays into life

Painful lessons learned

Shaken crystal ball

Some future tense imperfect

A roll of the dice

Odd Injury

What’s the oddest injury you’ve ever had? I’m a lightning rod for odd injuries. Just today I noticed a small cut on the tip of my middle finger. It’s similar to a paper cut, but I’m positive I’d recall having gotten one of those.

After discussing the injury with Studly Doright I’ve decided it’s probably a flossing related injury. Yes, my desire for good dental hygiene is injurious to my health. Go figure.

I might live longer, but at what cost?

Peace, people.

Invisible Woman (to the tune of American Woman)

Friends on Facebook have been discussing the ways in which we become somewhat invisible as we age. I’d written a post about this idea a few months back, https://nananoyz5forme.com/2017/06/07/the-invisible-woman/,

but the phrase Invisible Woman made me think of The Guess Who classic hit, American Woman, and once I had that thought in my head I needed to run with it. Please forgive me!

Invisible Woman

Invisible Woman ain’t no big deal

Invisible Woman, she ain’t all that real

Invisible Woman, ain’t no big deal

Invisible Woman, she ain’t all that real.


Say I,
Say N,
Say V,
Say I,
Say S,
Say I,
Say B,
Say L, Say E


Invisible Woman ain’t worth your time
Invisible Woman won’t tip a dime
Invisible woman ain’t worth your time

Invisible woman, your hair is grey
Invisible woman, can’t hear what you say
Can’t see you sittin’ on that stool
Won’t save you from drowning in a pool
Younger girls have caught my eye
Even though I’m a real old guy
Now woman, just fade away,
Invisible woman, you won’t get no play.
Invisible woman, you’re sixty-one
Invisible woman, past prime and done
Don‘t bother trying to order beer
We’d rather serve the young chicks here
Your wrinkles cause me to ignore
Everything about you bores
I think that’s enough, don’t you. It gets pretty repetitive, and I’m no song writer. And it’s not that I’m trying to get noticed by men. It’s that I want to get noticed by wait staff!
Here’s the real deal. Man, I love this song.
Peace, people!

Not My Guinness!

We’re having some work done on our driveway at Doright Manor. Tree roots had mangled the drive causing it to crack and heave as if an earthquake had struck. The guys began work early this morning and are just now getting ready to add texture to the new concrete so it’ll match the concrete around it.

Studly Doright came in from supervising the workers, peered into the refrigerator, and interrupted my reading to ask, “Which beer should I give the guys?”

“Not my Guinness!” I squeaked, even though I can’t enjoy a Guinness for a few weeks. “There’s Michelob Ultra and Corona in the shop fridge.”

Studly just laughed, saying, “Touchy, aren’t you?” But he did leave my beer alone, thank you very much!

Can’t believe he considered giving my beer away.

He called me out to look at the new section of driveway, and this is what I saw:

Poor little guy’s living quarters have been disrupted! Apparently he’d patrolled the worksite off and on all morning, much to the chagrin of a couple of workers.

I might let the snake have a sip of Guinness to compensate him for his loss. Cheers!

Peace, people!

Vegan Eats

For most of my 62 plus years I’ve been an omnivore. There are very few foods I won’t eat, and I’m usually open to trying exotic fare. So when my gastroenterologist put me on a dairy free diet for two weeks I figured I’d suffer through it and then go back to my regular diet (stomach permitting) once those two weeks were up.

The first week I didn’t do very well. Our grandkids were visiting from Illinois, and I was often in a hurry to grab something that seemed okay. It turns out there are dairy products in so many things that we’d never think to question, like crackers, breads, dry cereals. and processed meats. Even non-dairy toppings may have dairy. Go figure.

Once the grandkids departed I got serious about going dairy free. Since I don’t cook much, or well, I went in search of vegan restaurants in Tallahassee, figuring they’d be the best sources of dairy-free foods, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised.

Sweet Pea Cafe on Tharpe Street is an excellent vegan cafe. I’ve eaten there several times now. Just today I had yummy tacos and the most incredible sweet potato fries I’ve ever tasted. Their baked goods are top notch, too. Seriously good stuff. That’s their menu board pictured below.

The Soul Vegan Express on Adams is good, as well. It’s a bit of a drive from my home, but I’ve eaten there once and highly recommend it.

Other Tallahassee restaurants have vegan options on their menu, so I’ve had a variety of choice places to eat.

I’ve also been shopping for frozen vegan foods and have found there are some great offerings. Amy’s Kitchen brand features a couple of vegan entrees. Nature’s Path makes a terrific frozen vegan waffle. I actually prefer them to Eggos brand! There’s a flatbread pizza made by American Flatbread that is amazing. One has to read the labels, but the vegan designation always means the product will be dairy free.

Of course I can have fruits and greens, so that’s fairly easy. And I’ve discovered some tasty vegan candies. The best thing is, I feel good.

I have a follow up visit with my gastroenterologist later this month, and I’m planning to stay at least dairy free, maybe even vegan only, until I see him. I’m kind of interested in seeing how this all turns out.

Peace, people!

Rest and Recuperation

Since the Illinois grandkids left on Thursday I’ve been slowly getting back into my normal routine, but mainly I’ve been catching up on sleep. While the two teenagers weren’t early risers during their visit, the six-year-old came creeping into our room every morning around five.

On the days Studly was working in Orlando I’d just tuck Harper in on her Poppa’s side of the bed, and we’d doze off to the sleep stories featured on my Calm app, but every other morning last week she was ready to eat breakfast way before my eyes were ready to be open. The two of us had some pretty comical conversations about fairies, cities versus states, and family relationships while eating early morning Pop Tarts, so I’m not complaining.

On the Wednesday night before the kids’ 6:25 a.m. flight home we stayed at a hotel that was about a 15 minute drive from the Sanford/Orlando airport. Studly had to work clear across town on Thursday, so it was up to me to get the kids on their way. I set my alarm for three a.m., but Harper’s feet in my face woke me up around two. Gently I moved her back into a position parallel to mine, rather than the perpendicular one she’d assumed.

Then what sounded like four quick gunshots caused grandson Garrett to sit straight up in bed. He never awakened, just quietly laid back down, but I was then on high alert. I tossed and turned until my alarm went off, then stubbed my toe on McKayla’s sofa bed on my way to the bathroom in the dark. I’m really glad the kids all slept through my colorful string of whispered curse words.

The teenagers were surprisingly easy to get going that morning. Oddly enough only Harper, the early riser, resisted. Soon, though, she was up and going full speed. I think the anticipation of seeing her Mommy and Daddy in a few short hours did the trick.

We took the 4:30 a.m. hotel shuttle to the airport and I’d thought that was absurdly early; however, an accident on the Interstate (remember those “gunshots”? Apparently we’d heard a crash) had traffic backed up, and by the time we checked in, went through security, and made it to our gate the flight was boarding.

I hugged my sweet grandkids and watched them board.

They looked so young and yet so capable as they left me.

I rode the shuttle back to the hotel where I’d planned to nap before taking a shower and driving the four and a half hours home to Doright Manor, but I was pretty keyed up after all the morning’s activity, so I packed and got on the road. Emergency crews were still cleaning up the interstate after the crash, so I set my gps to take backroads. About two hours into my trip I found myself unable to keep my eyes open, so I found a shady spot for a nap. After waking myself with a loud snore half an hour later, I continued on home.

Said home was sadly quiet. I busied myself with straightening up some of the mess we’d made over the past week. The Risk game went back into the game closet. The stuffed animals went back into their basket. Two remaining boxes of Pop Tarts went into a grocery bag to be offered to a friend’s children.

Studly arrived home later that evening, and we struggled to stay awake until finally giving up the battle around eight. I slept restlessly that first night without the kids. Part of me wished a sweet six-year-old could still sneak into my room for giggly snuggles before sunrise. Did I mention that it’s too quiet here?

Peace, people.