When Plans Go Awry
Tag: humor
A Little Love
When I was in fourth grade at R.C. Andrews school in Floydada, Texas, I had a teacher who didn’t like me very much. From day one she scowled at me and never let up. She might also have been scowling at the other students in my class, but her disdain felt pretty personal to me.
She was the first teacher who did not praise my early attempts at writing. I cannot recall a single positive word she ever wrote on a paper I turned in, only criticisms in bright red marks across the page.
Too LONG!
Not long enough!
Too silly!
Too serious!
You used the word love to describe your feelings for your dog and your new shoes. We only use that word for people.
Heck, I know I loved my dog, and those shoes were certainly P. F. Flyers that made me run faster and jump higher. Who wouldn’t love shoes that could do all that?
She once criticized me for using a word that she said was too big for me to understand.
Don’t use a five-dollar word when a fifty-cent word will do.
Of course I later learned that Mark Twain said that, and it makes perfect sense. But in my defense, I did understand the word: voluptuous. I used it in context, too. Perhaps that was the problem.
Floydada was, and remains, a small town. As an adult and a retired teacher I’ve speculated that perhaps this teacher held some grudge against one or both of my parents. Maybe even against my grandparents. And I received the brunt of it.
All I wanted was a little love from her, and if not love, just a little respect.
Take it away, Ms. Aretha Franklin:
What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Tina Turner sang the song of the summer in 1984, and no matter where one went it seemed that her hit, What’s Love Got to Do With It ruled the airwaves.
Studly Doright and I were coaching a girls’ softball team that summer, and our all-star team had qualified for the regional tournament in Weatherford, Texas. On one of our off days, we took the girls to a water park in Arlington, Texas, where Tina’s hit seemed to be playing non-stop. Our son was tagging along on the trip and we couldn’t get enough of the tune.
The song begs the questions, “what’s love, but a second-hand emotion?” and “who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?” Both are fairly deep topics for a pop song. I can’t address the first question, but in regard to the second one, a heart is absolutely necessary to survival. Perhaps I’m being too literal, though.
It’s still a great song, even if we’re not sure of all the answers. Love’s like that, you know.
Peace, and love, people.
Love Lifted Me
I grew up in the small Texas town of Floydada. My parents were Baptists, my maternal grandparents were Baptists, my great grandfather was a Baptist minister. So of course, I was Baptist. Honestly I knew of only two other choices: Methodist and Pentecostal. Like I said, it was a small town.
The Baptist church shaped much of my life, and while it isn’t perfect, being comprised of human beings with all their prejudices, frailties, and hang ups, it taught me many good things: Love one another, do unto others as you would have others do unto you, and God is love, among other things. Too bad it’s become so political these days. I no longer think of myself as Baptist.
But the hymns! Oh my goodness did I love the hymns. Modern day worship music doesn’t come close to matching the hymns of my youth. Among my favorites was the hymn, Love Lifted Me. It’s so uplifting, so happy. It transcends denomination and religion.
While there were several versions offered in my google search, none of them quite lived up to my memories of the song, but at least Alan Jackson did a reasonably good job of singing it.
Peace, and love, people.
Heard it in a Love Song
What’s the first song that comes to mind when you think about love songs? Do you have a favorite? Do you and your significant other have your own song?
Studly Doright isn’t much of a music person, so any romanticizing of a song for the two of us has always fallen to me. In the early days of our marriage, Afternoon Delight by the Starland Vocal Band was “our” song. It was a playful look at sex, and Studly liked that, but it didn’t really focus on love.
During the 80’s I gravitated towards Stuck With You by Huey Lewis and the News. Still not a terribly romantic song, but it seemed to fit what we were going through as a young couple with two young children. Stuck, but happy.
Aerosmith’s I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing came along in the 90’s, and I couldn’t stop singing it (badly). That’s how I felt about our relationship. No matter what we’d gone through, and we’d gone through plenty, I still didn’t want to miss the stuff to come.
I could name dozens of other love songs that meant something to me: Maybe I’m Amazed by Paul McCartney, This Kiss by Faith Hill, Whitney Houston’s I Will Always Love You, I’ll Make Love to You by Boyz 2 Men and on and on. If I had to pick just one song to choose as “ours,” though, it’d likely be this one by Vince Gill.
Look at Us
Yes, it’s sappy, but it fits. Maybe I should tell Studly it’s our song. He’s still fond of Afternoon Delight, though. Some things never change.
Peace, people.
Get Thee Behind Me, Friend
Does your mouth sometimes work independently of your brain? Afterwards do you wish you could crawl into a hole and emerge only after everyone who heard you say what you said was stricken with total forgetfulness of your faux pas, a sort of word specific amnesia?
If you haven’t already deduced that I uttered one of the stupidest phrases ever then you will now.
Yesterday I took a good friend who, along with her husband, had spent the last couple of days with us at Doright Manor, to lunch at my favorite vegan place in Tallahassee. She is not vegan, but was willing to sample what I’d been talking about. Now, this friend is one of the nicest, sweetest, most considerate people in the world. Maybe in the entire universe. I can only aspire to be as kind as she is.
We stood at the counter to order and she proffered her credit card at the same time I did. She and her husband had bought our dinner the night before and there was no way I was allowing her to pay for her own lunch. So I physically blocked her, and to my ever lasting horror said, “Get thee behind me, Satan!”
Satan!? Had I completely lost my mind? My friend, and the clerk at the counter looked shocked, and I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me.
Now, the only thing I have to offer in my defense is that I’m reading a sci-fi novel about satanic possession in space. Oh, and that one of the regular specials at the vegan place is “Hail Seitan!* Although, it wasn’t on the menu yesterday.
I apologized, even as my friend laughed it off. But holy cow, I’m thinking of having a surgical procedure called a tongue-ectomy. I’m not sure it exists, but it should.
Have you ever done anything remotely as awful? Please tell me you have. I need to believe I’m not the only one. Heck, make something up if you need to.
(*Seitan, made from wheat gluten, mimics the taste and texture of meat.)
Big Game Day 2020
Super Bowl Sunday is my favorite day of the year, and now that I’m retired, it’s even better because I can sleep in on Monday.
I still maintain that the day after the big game should be an actual holiday; although, perhaps the NFL championship game should be decided on Saturday instead of Sunday, thus solving a multitude of problems. I have a feeling that work and school attendance suffers on the Monday after the Super Bowl.
Since things aren’t likely to change in the near future, I’ll just make my prediction for tonight’s game and be done with it: Patrick Mahomes, who played college football for the Texas Tech Red Raiders, will lead the Kansas City Chiefs to a decisive win over the San Francisco 49’ers.
Go Chiefs!
And if they lose and Patrick needs consoling, I’m here.
Peace, people!
I Can’t Get Up
There’s a cat sleeping on my lap.
I need to rise and shine, but I cannot do so. My legs are numb from the weight of her. In fact, it’s possible that everything from my hips down has atrophied. I’d likely topple over if I tried to stand, so for now I’m snuggled in bed with a cat on my lap.
There are far worse predicaments to be in. Maybe I’ll mediate while I’m here. Ommmm. Or call it yoga. I’ve heard of goat yoga, why not cat yoga? The Sleeping Cat Captive pose.
Peace, people.
A Fine Outing
I’m preparing to host guests for the weekend, so I’m not writing much today. Instead, I’ll share a few pictures from my weekend with Studly Doright in the Tampa-Clearwater area of Florida’s Gulf Coast.
We stayed in Safety Harbor at the Safety Harbor Resort and Spa, within easy walking distance to the charming town of Safety Harbor.
I love seeing a Little Free Library, and this one held a place of prominence in the town’s city park.
There were a number of terrific restaurants and casual dining spots along the Main Street, and after dark there was plenty of nightlife.
On Friday night we saw Steve Martin and Martin Short’s show, The Funniest Show in Town at the Moment. Well worth the price of admission.
And on Saturday we drove around the area picking out our future eight million dollar beach house (🤣🤣🤣), and roaming around the Madeira Beach boardwalk. We took a dolphin watching tour, but Studly was afraid I’d drop my phone overboard, so I have no proof of that. It was really cold out on the bay!
On Saturday evening we enjoyed the spa at our hotel. Safety Harbor Resort and Spa has two heated mineral spring-fed pools–one outdoor and the other indoor, as well as two hot tubs, saunas, and an unheated plunge pool. Since it was relatively cold outside, we chose the indoor heated pool. I swam for a long time, but Studly returned to our room to watch college basketball after taking a couple of laps.
Next time we visit I’ll make reservations for spa treatments at the hotel well in advance. Silly me thought we’d be able to schedule something when we checked in. The facilities looked amazing.
We drove home on Sunday morning just in time to watch the sun rise over Tampa Bay.
And that’s about it. Time for me to get up and around.
Take care, and as always, peace, people.
Sex Sells
https://nananoyz5forme.com/2014/10/21/roller-skates-and-sexual-innuendo/
The link above will take you to one of my most liked blog posts. Honestly, it’s not that it’s a terrific post, but the title includes the word “sex” and that makes all the difference.
Note to self: work the word sex into every single title from now on
Peace, people.
Praying for Eyebrowz 