Why I Like This Photo

  

I am perhaps the least photogenic person on this planet, so there are very few photos of me worth sharing. And, it’s not that I look particularly great in this photo, but it appears that someone is looking at me in an admiring manner.

Lest anyone think that was the case, let me reassure you that shortly after this was snapped my “admirer” asked politely if he could please cross in front of me to go to the restroom.

Yep, I have that effect on men.

Peace, People!

Blurb Away

Daily Prompt: BYOB(ookworm) Write the blurb for the book jacket of the book you’d write if you only had the time and inclination.

Katniss Potter was just an ordinary orphaned wizard until she found herself deposited into a maze surrounded by talking trees who demanded she choose a faction or turn to the dark side of the force. 

Follow Katniss and her faithful sidekick R2D2 as they navigate the perils of the maze and seek to learn the identity of her father.

Maybe this is a book better left inside my imagination.

Trivia Tonight

Studly and I are going out tonight. It’s Trivia Night at his golf club. Normally I’d be chomping at the bit, but I’m a little draggy this evening.

I spent the morning sitting at a too small table in a too small chair working with adorably energetic two and three year olds. Then I spent the afternoon organizing my kitchen drawers. The goal was to create a bar space that looked organized and decorative. In the process I planned to also organize the infamous, ubiquitous junk drawer. 

Somehow one junk drawer turned into three junk drawers, and I still have leftover junk.

I ask myself, “Do you really need nutcracking tools?” Well, in 38 years I’ve never actually used them, but who knows what tomorrow might bring?

I ask myself, “Why do you have six pairs of scissors, five rolls of packing tape, and 57 individually-wrapped toothpicks?” Probably in case of an impending toothpick shortage or a packing emergency.

I ask myself, “Why is there an undeveloped roll of film in this mess?” Mainly because we never develop our film. It must be against our religion or something.

At the end of my afternoon of organizational frenzy I am no more organized than I was when I began. 

I ask myself, “What have you learned from this exercise?” Junk happens.

With any luck one of the trivia questions tonight will deal with the proper number of individually-wrapped toothpicks one should keep on hand. The answer: 57. 

Peace people!

Ode to Bed

Oh my bed, you dearest place

You cradle me with skill and grace.

How sad I am to leave your charms

When my clock sounds strident alarms.

Please let me be with you all day

For sound asleep I’ll gladly stay.

Safely within your covers wrapped

I have the perfect day all mapped.

Sleep ’til noon, and then I’ll wake

To eat a bite for my health’s sake.

Then back to you for afternoon’s rest

Snuggled deep in blanket’s nest.

Awaken to read a chapter or four

When my eyes droop I’ll sleep some more.

By evening I’ll be fresh as a daisy

Having spent my day being oh so lazy.

Oh bed how sad that we must now part

Just know you’ve a special place in my heart.

  

Peace, People.



Love-less Poem

April is National Poetry Writing Month, and today’s task called for me to write a love poem without using the word “love” or employing any of the phrases associated with love poems. 

His butt looks kind of perfect

Wrapped in that turquoise 

 Towel.

I mean it’s not a work of

Art or anything, but it’s the

Part of him I watch when

He leaves our bed to

Shower.

His eyes could be a deeper

Shade of green, 

I suppose,

Though I doubt they could

Twinkle any more than they

Already do.

He never brings me

Breakfast in bed, and

Seldom sends me

Flowers.

I should probably

Divorce him over those

Lapses, but he cries at

Sappy movies, and

Would probably 

Cry if I left.

I know I would if the

Situation were

Reversed. 

 

Threesome

When one has too much time on one’s hands one might indulge in too much reality TV. Thus was the case as I was scrolling through the channels and came across a program called “True Life: I Want a Threesome.”

Sleazy stuff, but who am I to judge? I mean I’ve seen some pretty cool threesomes in my life:

  

Nothing beats a purrfect threesome!

  

Except maybe a colorful one.

  Doggone it! Another threesome!

 

And then there’s the threesome to end all threesomes.

Who needs reality TV? (All photos found on Pinterest.)

Peace, People!

High Brow

I’ve just come from having my eyebrows threaded, and now my eyebrows look like a couple of poorly plucked chickens. I had asked the eyebrow technician (for lack of a better term) to take off “just a little” which she took to mean, “remove most of this woman’s eyebrows and just leave a few paltry hairs behind.”

 No these are not my brows, but the “before” photo comes close!

I really should know better. 99.8% of the time beautification procedures go off without a hitch. But when I have a big trip or event looming all bets are off. 

Once before a big date weekend in Indianapolis the brow tech burned my brows with hot wax. For weeks I peeled skin off of my forehead.

Just prior to a formal dress Christmas party with Studly’s co-workers I was having my brows waxed at the salon I’d always depended on when I heard the brow tech say, “oops!” Trust me, that’s not a good omen. The good news was she didn’t charge me. The bad news was one brow had been decimated. I wore a cleavage baring dress that night and hardly anyone looked aghast at my eyebrow.

You’d think I’d be the master of the eyebrow pencil by now, but sadly I’m pretty clumsy. I did sit at a makeup counter this afternoon while a beautifully made up college girl penciled in some killer brows for me. I even bought the pencil and a tiny brush. I asked her, in my saddest voice if she thought my brows might grow back by Wednesday when I leave for Guatemala. In response she patted my shoulder and said, “There, there. They aren’t THAT bad.”

In my next life, I plan on being a spoiled house cat. They’re always immaculately groomed and have perfect eyebrows.

Peace, people.

Dental Visit

Open wide, don’t flinch

Now you’ll feel a little pinch

Then only numbness.

You call that a pinch?

Sonofabitch I’m wounded

Grievously woonthed.

Thit, now my tongue ith athleep.

Thit, thit, thit, thit, thit.

Here’s one of my all-time favorite episodes of the Carol Burnett show. 

http://youtu.be/1CSJw96SAeM