Looking at all the Angles

I taught math to fifth and sixth graders. My mind has been warped ever since. The evidence follows in haiku:

Ninety degrees are
Also known as right angles
Angles most correct.

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Obtuse angles are
Geometry’s friendliest
Shapes. Always open.

An acute angle
Isn’t necessarily
Attractive, my friend.

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Perpendicular
Lines meet briefly at one point
Think intersection

Parallel lines seem
So lonely, these lines never
Touch, never will meet.

Geometry has
No irregularity
Like haiku, rules rule.

Quadrilateral:
Polygon having at least
Two lines parallel

The Cold War

I have a cold. My body has picked a fine time to come under attack. No, really. I just completed testing at daycare facilities in our area, and we don’t have company coming for another month. A cold couldn’t have settled in my head at a better time.

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It’s still pissing me off. The local weather has begun warming up beautifully. Frogs are singing a happy harmony down by the lake. Birds are flitting about in courtship. And I’m sick.

I looked on Pinterest for cold remedy ideas. Between sneezing, sniffling, and hacking I found a cornucopia of suggestions.

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Try as I might I didn’t find wine mentioned in any of them. I could get behind a cure that recommended I drink a glass of wine or two (or three or four) with dinner.

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Unfortunately everything I’ve read suggests laying off alcohol for the duration.

I’m still holding out hope that this malady is just a 24-hour bug. I’m not sure it’s in my best interest to go without the grape for too long.

Peace, People!

P.S. I might be able to substitute whisky just this once.

Limerick Frenzy

There once was a man from Nantucket….

Whoa! That’s not where I’m going with my limericks.

Apparently limericks come in three types: ones you can tell in the presence of ladies (what a sexist thought), ones that can be told in the presence of clergy, and true limericks. Mine are just a mixture.

Studly and I moved out east
To avoid that old snowy beast
In Florida we’ve begun
To worship the sun
Or to revel in warmth at the least.

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A bather in beauty to see
In a suit cut way up the knee
Once arrived on the beach
As pert as a peach
Amazingly she was a he.

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Believe it or not, the beautiful person pictured above is transgender. Cool, eh? I should look so good!

Jose Cuervo and I went a’dancing
He wasn’t much for romancing
After two or three shots
I puked up my guts
And Jose went on with his prancing.

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There once was a lady so daring
Her bodice was cut low for baring
The men all around
Made hardly a sound
So caught up were they in their staring.

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A Trivial Concern

Once a month the golf club to which Studly belongs hosts a trivia night. Last month our four person team fared abominably. We did well on the science, geography, and sports questions, but pretty well stunk when it came to song titles and artists. Unfortunately every single question had a music question tied to it as a bonus.

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With another trivia night on the horizon I thought I should do a little studying. Pinterest is a great source of trivia questions, and more importantly, answers.

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And I’ve been playing Trivia Crack.

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Contrary to its name I don’t find Trivia Crack all that addictive. Compared to my old Candy Crush addiction Trivia Crack is like a walk in the park. Amusing, but not habit-forming.
I win more often than not at Trivia Crack, but to be honest most of the questions are ridiculously easy.

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I’ve also switched from the Howard Stern channels on SiriusXM to music channels hoping to sharpen my knowledge of singers and songs. Did you know there are bands named Neon Trees and Imagine Dragons?

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And my parents thought The Beatles and The Monkees were strange names for bands.

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Wish us luck! Peace, people!

Cleaning House for the Housekeeper

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Studly Doright and I are not messy people. Well, Studly isn’t, but I am. And I have few domestic skills. While I’ve begun cooking for the Studmeister I still don’t clean for him. Twice each month a lovely woman comes to Doright Manor and makes everything sparkle like a shiny, new penny. What I do before the lovely Rosa sets foot in our home every other Friday is, according to Studly, pretty ridiculous.

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On Thursday evening I go room to room inspecting for misplaced items and returning them to their appropriate positions. I scour around the cats’ litter boxes. Anything in the kitchen that looks even remotely as if it’s been used goes in the dishwasher or the recycling bin. Trashes are emptied, counters wiped down. I straighten the closet and align our shoes. On Friday morning I hide everything that’s been left on the bathroom counter in the cabinets and clean out the cat boxes one more time.

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By the time I’ve finished, the house almost appears as if it doesn’t need cleaning at all. That, of course, is my goal. Well, I’m writing this at 7:25 on a cold Thursday, February evening. I guess I’d better get to work. The house isn’t going to clean itself.

Peace, people!

My Epic.

Ok friends, you MUST read this fantastic post from a blogger I follow! I am si in awe of epicgran.wordpress.com

EpicGran

One of my previous blogs documents how I came to ride our country’s and perhaps one of the world’s most famous mountain bike stage races, The Absa Cape Epic.  That was nearly a year ago and I have yet to put down on paper the actual experience itself.  I thought it was time to do so before my middle-aged memory gave up completely.

The race  takes place over 8 days with the first day being a short prologue on the outskirts of Cape Town and from there we traverse varied terrain around the Western Cape until the grand finish at Lourensford, a wine farm approximately 50km or so from Cape Town.  We chose not to make use of the tented race village but made bookings with various bed and breakfasts along the route.   The race was going to be tough enough without having to queue for ablutions and sleep in…

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A Trying Experience

I’ve been shopping for clothes. I swear my waist size expands two inches every time I step inside the dressing room door. In my mind, I’m the same size I was in high school: Twiggy thin with terrific, long, shapely legs.

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However, the Dillard’s dressing room mirror indicates I’m now more akin to Humpty Dumpty with thighs that have migrated south, puddling just below my knees.

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The things that fit make me feel like a frumpy old matron instead of the hot broad I am inside. But if I dress to please that broad, I end up looking like a ten dollar hooker.

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After two hours of shopping, sweating, and cussing, I bought one item–an unsweetened iced tea at McAlister’s. It fit perfectly.

Peace, people!

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Rules of Laundry

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Laundry Day Monday
Clothes grouped
Strictly in neat piles:
Whites with like
Darks the same.
Delicates,
Hand washables,
Unmentionables
Require special
Piles all their own.

Yet I’ve found the
Nearer I come to
Laundry Day’s end,
That some piles slyly
Begin to migrate,
Merging with similar
Neighbors
Cutting ten loads
Into five.

And only I know the
Rules have been broken.
I’m a bit of a maverick that way.
Shhhh.

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Starbucks Musings

Twenty-something mom
Dangles baby on her lap
Feeding chubby cheeks
Green beans from a
Tupperware dish.
Baby points to a brightly
Colored picture above their
Heads then reaches for a
Hug.

Businessmen, one a
Fast talker, both clear-eyed
Exchange a series of
Ideas in a flurry of
Serious conversation
Portfolio splayed before
Them. Fingers point for
Emphasis. Fast talker
Shrugs.

Two ladies my age
Highlighted hair
Bobbed expensively
Laugh as only truly
Good friends can
Sharing common
Experiences that are
Even better retold over
Scones.

Two pairs of young
Couples engage in
Rituals of courtship.
One seemingly new
From the awkwardness
Of their conversation.
The other pair might be
In love. They constantly
Touch.

There are other solos
Like me: an elderly man
Playing games on his iPad
Sound turned way up.
A career girl, wheeled
Briefcase at her feet,
Availing herself of free
Wifi on her laptop, reads
Email.

My venti chai latte
Keeps me warm on
This uncharacteristically
Cold Tallahassee day.
People watching keeps
Me amused. Wondering
About their lives outside
Starbucks keeps me
Writing.

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