Souvenirs from Universal Studios, Orlando

Studly Doright and I were in Orlando, Florida, on Monday and Tuesday this week, prior to flying to Shannon, Ireland, on Wednesday. He had meetings to attend, while I had some time on my hands. Monday I treated myself with a trip to one of the outlet malls, but on Tuesday I decided it was high time I visited The Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios. 


I walked all the way back to where the map indicated Harry Potter’s world would be. I saw the bus, and I  took a selfie in front of #12 Privet Drive, but I was confused. Where was Diagon Alley? I walked all the way around the area, but was stymied. Was this all there was? 

I’m such a Muggle, but on a hunch I walked through a nondescript opening in an unmarked brick wall, and voila! 


Diagon Alley! Honest, one can’t see this opening from the area where the triple decker knight bus and Privet Drive are, even though they’re just a few feet away. How wonderfully magical to be forced to stumble onto it! 





Butter beer is pretty damned tasty; although, there’s no actual beer in it. Drat. 


I ogled the newest Firebolt model:


By far the longest line in Diagon Alley was formed outside the wand store. I spoke with a little girl who was still giddy that the wand she purchased had chosen her. I was tempted to join the queue, but I’ll wait until I can bring my grandkids. And a wand in my hands might not be a good idea. I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good. 

So, what were my souvenirs? 

A pair of scraped palms, and a skinned knee.


I fell, having failed to realize that the curb was about five inches higher than my bifocal lenses led me to believe. Fortunately a couple of young men rushed to my aid, and helped me to my feet. The part that’s the most injured is my pride. It could’ve been much worse, so I’ll take my lumps as a renewed call for caution. 

Limp About Town

Fifty-nine years and what do I know?

Apart from grey hair and wrinkles in tow

I’ve developed a limp and I’ve aches in my knees

That defy medication; I’m begging please

Just amputate everything south of my waist

I don’t need it anyhow so do it with haste

Before I have time to consider the loss

Of hips, thighs, legs, and those vaginal parts

I’ll still have my arms, my mouth, and brain

To write, rant, and think as I go slowly insane.

I’ve done something to my right hip which in turn is affecting my ankle. I’m walking as if I’m 102. It’s no fun. So, I turned it into this little ditty hoping it would make me feel better. So far, it hasn’t helped even a little bit. 

  



Mouthing Off

I scalded the roof of my mouth several days ago while dining on the exquisite Fit Fare Veggie Skillet at the Denny’s just down the road. Before you look down your nose at my choice of restaurant let me assure you that our Denny’s in Midway, Florida, is the best in the world. It is well-managed with an efficient and personable wait staff, and food that looks exactly like the pictures featured on the glossy menu, and tastes just like I need it to taste.

When my favorite server brought me my favorite meal I dug right in and was immediately rewarded by that ohmygoshtoohottoohot!!! panic. I couldn’t very well spit the food into my plate so I grabbed my ice cold soda and took a long drink, holding the liquid in my mouth until the food cooled.

I knew immediately that I’d pay for my eager gluttony for days, after all, this wasn’t my first burning mouth event. But I don’t think I’ve ever gotten actual blisters in my mouth before. Worst of all I couldn’t even drink my coffee this morning! Maybe I should just go back to bed. To heal.

Me on a day when my mouth didn’t hurt. That’s Studly Doright guiding me around the dance floor.

Peace, people! 

Postscript: Several days after scalding my mouth I’ve been rinsing with lots of Shiner Bock beer. Salt water would probably be better for the healing process, but it doesn’t mellow me out like beer does.

Timberrrrr! Again

I fell this morning.
On my way to fetch
Clean water for the cats
I spilt a few drops, slipped,
Went splat!

The slow-mo footage did not
Play this time.
The fall was fast and furious
Like a Hollywood film,
Only less sexy.

Water puddled ’round me
Subjugating me to its wishes.
Literally, I had fallen and
Could not get up.
Somewhat feebly I called “help!”

The cats scattered, ostensibly
For first aid.
I sat cataloging my injuries
Thanking God that I
Still bounce a bit.

I scooted on my derrière
Until I reached the rug.
Managed to grasp the
Counter and pull myself
Up. Slowly.

Surrounded by water
No towels in reach
I moved inch by inch
Using the rug as my
Conveyance.

Now my elbow hurts
Like a son of a gun
From clipping the counter
On my way down
Down, down.

Somehow I managed to
Ping pong between the
Kitchen island and the
Cabinets, bruising both
Hips symmetrically.

My lower back, my
Ass and shoulders
Protest the insults
Heaped upon them
Once again.

And Studly, when he returned
Could not resist
Lecturing me on my
Lack of awareness.
Asshat.

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