Tag: humor

A Rose is a Rose, Right?

Yesterday I arrived home from an appointment in Tallahassee to the sight of three boxes on the front porch. I’d been expecting two of them. One was a Valentine’s gift I’d ordered for Studly Doright, one was a legal document, and the third, unexpected box was from ProFlowers.

Of course I checked to make sure it was for me, (it was), and I opened it. I could smell the roses before I saw them, so I set them aside to prepare the enclosed vase. I took the clear glass receptacle from the box, filled it with room temperature water, and added the enclosed plant food before unwrapping the flowers. Within the wrapping paper there were only six blooming roses, but dozens of stems.

“Okay, I’m sure the rest are buds,” I thought. But they weren’t buds. Instead they were portions of wilted, dessicated petals that had never managed to reach their full potential, or had reached it, but in a stunted state. I went ahead and placed them in the vase even though they looked sad and sparse. Then I got a little ticked.

I was pretty certain my husband hadn’t placed an order saying, “Hey, I want the saddest bouquet of roses you all have in stock. Stems? Yeah, a bunch of stems are great. Even better if there’s a hint of petal remaining, you know, just to let her know they were ALMOST flowers.”

Should I call the company and make a formal complaint? Should I just accept the poorly fulfilled order? I hesitated for a minute or two, then decided to talk to someone at ProFlowers.

After going through the description of the roses with one customer service representative, who clearly wasn’t in a position to make things right, I was transferred to another woman who listened thoughtfully, looked up the order, and discovered that Studly’s initial order hadn’t even been correctly filled. According to this representative’s records, Studly had placed an order for chocolates and a premium vase to accompany the roses. So, I was right to contact the company.

They promised to expedite the correct order to arrive today, Valentine’s Day, and I’ll be watching and waiting to see if the product is what they promised. Surely it’ll be more robust than this one. And yes, I’m aware that there are some lovely roses in the bunch, but overall they weren’t up to snuff.

Peace, people!

Attack of the Killer Flag

Patriotism is a fine thing, but yesterday afternoon I was walking down the sidewalk in Blountstown, Florida, when out of the red, white, and blue, I was accosted by our Stars and Stripes. A strong gust of wind caught the darned thing just as I passed by, and whack! Old Glory slapped the top of my head, almost knocking me into a pickup parked by the curb.

Okay, so I wasn’t exactly paying attention to my surroundings, but still, shouldn’t a citizen be safe from killer flags? Betsy Ross surely didn’t intend to let loose this flapping monster on unsuspecting citizens.

Peace, people!

Another Day in Catland

Insistent cat paws

Tap tapping on my forehead

“Up human! Feed me!”

Inquiring meow

Catnip toy batted about

“Human! Play with me!

Sweet kitty kisses

Velvet nose, nuzzling cheeks

“Please human, pet me!”

Standards

Firmly established

Benchmarks of true excellence

One’s personal best

Quality measured

Quantity notwithstanding

Who sets the standard?

Do leopards count spots?

Does spring’s robin rank his songs?

Ah, humanity!

This was inspired by my friend Marty, who writes a terrific blog, snakesinthegrassblog.com. The content in Marty’s blog is always outstanding. He provides useful information in an entertaining format, and I always look forward to his posts. He subscribes to a high personal standard of writing.

Recently I shared with Marty that some days I really don’t feel like writing anything, but at the same time I hate to let the blog wither. I’m not reluctant to sacrifice quality for quantity. Is that a sad thing? Should I begin holding myself to a higher standard? But as I asked Marty, “Why start now?”

This silly blog sustains me in a weird way. To paraphrase Descartes, “I write, therefore I am.”

Peace, people.

The Partial Lowdown on “The Upside”

We went to see the film “The Upside,” last night, in spite of having read some negative reviews. The review that concerned me the most was the one on Rotten Tomatoes that rated it only 40% fresh. Studly Doright wanted to see the film, though, and he convinced me to tag along.

Y’all know I’m no film critic. I don’t overthink plot lines or casting choices. If a film causes me to laugh out loud or cry real tears, then I feel it’s made an impact. “The Upside” did both, more than once. Sometimes simultaneously.

Bryan Cranston, as the grumpy millionaire paraplegic, and Kevin Hart, as the street smart ex-con turned auxiliary caregiver, evolve beyond their stereotypes to form a friendship based on mutual respect. That evolution was key to the movie being more than just a slapstick comedy riddled with catheter and penis jokes. Although, to be honest, I laughed my ass off at the catheter scenes. Call me juvenile, and I’ll hit you upside the head with my rolling pin.

The movie, touted as having been based on a true story, is in actuality a remake of a French film, “The Intouchables,” based on an actual tale of a wealthy Frenchman and his personal attendant. So,”The Upside” is something of a double filtered tale. I don’t believe critics adored it either.

Regardless, “The Upside” was endearing and funny. Just hearing Studly Doright’s laughter was worth the price of admission. If you’ve seen the film, let me know what you thought.

Peace, people!

Beach Combers (reblog)

A vintage photo of my cousin and his friends playing music on the beach inspired me to write this poem a couple of years ago. I’d forgotten about it until today when the photo showed up in his Facebook feed.

Rock on.

https://nananoyz5forme.com/2017/04/15/beach-combers/

70’s Music

Sirius/XM radio absolutely is the best. Regardless of my mood, there’s a station that suits me. Today I had a really short trip into Tallahassee for some allergy meds, so on my way home I tuned my radio to the 70’s station.

“Me and Julio Down by the School Yard” by Paul Simon, was playing, and I sang along, even though I always screw up the lyrics. What were he and Julio doing down by the schoolyard? Whatever it was, it was against the law.

https://youtu.be/JVdlpZ4M-Hw

Then Ringo Starr’s “You’re Sixteen” came on, and I was immediately transported back to my living room in Floydada, Texas, where my 16-year-old self performed a corny dance routine to the song for my mom and a high school boyfriend. I incorporated a hat and cane for good measure. As I recall, neither member of my audience suggested I go into musical theatre as a career.

https://youtu.be/vkR7u_sOtHI

Steely Dan’s “Do It Again” was next. I know it by heart, so I cranked up the volume and rocked out. When I turned into the driveway at Doright Manor the mailman was pulling away and gave me a smile and a wave. I’m sure he was thinking I’d squandered my talent by NOT going into the music biz.

https://youtu.be/7JkS8WB94ME

I’ve been so weary. Of politics. Of allergies. Of petty squabbles. Thank you Sirius/XM, for lifting the cloud.

Peace, people.

Peace, People

When I’m on the ball, I sign off on my posts with the phrase, “Peace, people.” Occasionally I’ll add to the phrase something pertinent to the post, but usually I stick to the simple sentiment that came to me out of the blue when I first started writing this blog.

During most of the sixties I was a child, too young to be a part of the hippie generation, but old enough to throw the peace sign around like a true member of the love generation. The idea of peace seemed radical then, and even more so now.

I’ve come to cynically believe that we will never have peace because it just isn’t profitable. Politicians love to feed the hungry mouth that is the military industrial complex, so young women and men will continue to march off to war. We will be told that it is the patriotic thing to do, so we will cheer them as they depart and mourn those who do not return except in flag draped coffins.

Peace continues to be worth striving for, though. I still pray for peace every single night, and I vote for those I hope will prevail against the hungry, hungry war hippo.

I found this T-shirt design at a Target store in Tallahassee a couple of years ago and bought it immediately. It became my favorite due to its message and its extreme softness. Then, I lost it. I have a feeling I left it in a hotel room on one of my cross country jaunts. Miraculously, I found it again at a different Target in Davenport, Iowa. Yay!

Yesterday I wore my peace T-shirt as I ran errands around Tallahassee, and for the first time since buying it I was rewarded with at least half a dozen responses, all of them positive and encouraging. One young man asked me where I’d gotten it because he wanted to get one for his girlfriend. Several people of varying ages flashed the peace sign at me and smiled. I felt light-hearted for the first time in ages.

I’m tired of young people dying in old men’s wars. Maybe others are, too. And just maybe it’s time for the peace sign to make a comeback in a big way. I’ll do my part.

Peace, people.

Foul Weather Friends

Get ready to say “awwwww!”

Match, a chihuahua, is the elder statespet of my daughter, Ashley’s, home having been adopted several years ago. When the family added another adoptee, Snuggles, a couple of weeks ago, Match wasn’t all that thrilled.

Snuggles, a pastel calico, tried to make friendly overtures towards her canine sibling, but Match was having nothing to do with her. Of course sometimes Snuggles’s efforts at forming a friendship were a bit aggressive–the dog’s wagging tail was just too intriguing to resist attacking.

But last night as a thunderstorm passed through their area, my daughter snapped two pictures that melted my heart. Poor Match was frightened by the storm, and Snuggles came to his rescue:

Ashley said Snuggles calmed and comforted Match during the storm. Maybe this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, or maybe the two will only be foul weather friends. Regardless, this made me smile.

Peace, people and pets.

Finally February

After an interminable January we can finally welcome its shorter, and hopefully sweeter, sister into our lives. Today was Groundhog Day, and I understand that Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow this morning. According to legend this means winter will come to an early end.

I’m sure this comes as welcome news to all those who’ve endured the back-to-back winter storms that paralyzed much of the U.S. over the past week or so. Even here in Florida we felt the cold sting of winter, so hurray for good omens.

Although, how much faith can we really put into a soothsaying rodent?

Peace, people!