Category: Life

Soliloquy and Response: A Play in One Act

Setting: Family room; TV turned to World’s Dumbest Criminals

Wife: It seems that you might be upset about something. I can’t imagine what it might be, and I’ve been wracking my brain all day and just want to say, whatever I’ve done I’m sorry and I will do my best to never do it again. 

If it’s about the lack of sex, I realize I haven’t been all that amorous lately. It’s purely hormonal and I’d do something about that if I could. Honestly, don’t take it personally. 

Our lives are so entertwined. I don’t know where I end and you begin, so please help me understand your feelings. 

Just know that I never take any of this life we’ve built for granted. You’ve worked so hard, and I’ve always been your cheerleader. You’re my man and I love you fiercely. 

 So maybe we’ve both gone a little deaf, and we aren’t as thin as we once were. Let’s not fight. Just talk and then cuddle. What do you say? Surely we can work this out.

Husband: Did you say something?

THE END

It’s a lose/lose situation.

Delayed Gratification

In college I took enough psychology classes to make me annoying (ok, more annoying) to my friends and family. I loved reading about experiments and studies into animal and human behavior.

One that has stuck in my mind is an experiment that I believe B.F. Skinner, known as the father of operant conditioning, constructed. Now I tried to google the experiment, but never hit on the exact study I was looking for, so maybe I made it up. Please, if you know of the study correct my errors.

As I recall, in the study some rats were given a treat every time they pressed a lever, while other rats never received a treat, and still others received treats at random. Understandably, the rats receiving no rewards soon gave up pressing the lever, and the rats who always received a treat became complacent. The rats that received treats only now and again, though, were the most eager to press the lever. 

Hmmm. I get this dynamic now; whereas, in college I did not. Let me illustrate:

Once, many years ago, I arrived home from a business trip to find Studly Doright standing outside our home in Melbourne, Florida, with our motorcycles loaded for a trip. He told me to get ready for a weekend ride and to grab anything I might need for a weekend of fun. He refused to tell me where we were headed, just that I might need my swimsuit.

Unbeknownst to me he’d booked us the attic room at the Seven Sisters Inn (A Historical Bed and Breakfast) in Ocala, Florida. It was wonderful and romantic, and ever since that time I’ve fantasized about another such surprise. Had he never treated me to that trip I’d never even entertain the thought, but he did and now, no matter how often I push the button I receive no reward. Well, at least not THAT reward.

Sigh. Better to be the rat that never got the treat? You decide.

 

Seven Sisters Inn
 
Peace, people!

Paper Pictures

Great artists
work in
a variety of
media:
construction
paper and glue,
glitter and
fingerpaints,
thumbprints in
tempera.
They do not
concern themselves
with brush stroke
techniques or
fickle critics,
their only goal
a smile from a
proud recipient,
a place reserved
on the fridge.

 

two works of art by our youngest grandchild.

Peace, people! 

Back to School

For many of my friends tomorrow marks the day parents long for, children dread, and teachers anticipate with a mixture of nervousness and excitement: The First Day of School.

Having taught I still have nightmares of the first day back. In these I’m usually standing in the middle of my beautifully decorated classroom trying to control 27 kids with hand gestures and fervent pleas to sit down while they run about in fevered chaos destroying all of my hard work.

The first day, so critical to the rest of the year, always left me flummoxed. When I taught elementary school, the first day was usually over by noon and still I struggled to find ways to fill those four hours. 

We practiced all of our procedures (how to line up to leave the room, how to request permission to use the restroom or the pencil sharpener, the proper heading for student class work, etc.). We got to know one another. We wrote our names in our textbooks and completed information cards. All that took roughly one hour, or one and a half if I spoke s-l-o-w-l-y.

I was much more suited to the middle school model. On that first day kids came in, we set our expectations, did a quick name game, and boom! It was time for the next class. I repeated that scenario three or four more times and day one was over.

Teaching tested my sanity, and I’m certain no one really misses my presence in the classroom, but I know some terrific educators at all levels. Some are starting at new schools this year, others are trying on new grade levels, while others are quite happy to be in the same school and grade they’ve been in for many years.

To each and every person who works with children, thank you and best of luck. Have a great school year.

 

Where was Pinterest when I was teaching?

Peace, people! 

Hovering

Hovering
somewhere
between up
and down,
uneven ground
upsetting my
equilibrium.

One moment
I’m giddy,
filled with
exuberance,
capable of
great feats;
significant.

The next turn,
my anxiety takes
over, holding
me back, bringing
me down, struggling
to stay relevant
on life’s stage.

Peace is found
where I hover
one foot in
ecstacy the other
in agony, teetering
on the brink and
trying to stay me.

  
Peace, people.

Spring Break in Kohler

This seems to be the year that places we’ve visited have shown up on the Golf Network. First the British Open was played at St. Andrews and now the PGA Championship is being held at Whistling Straits in Kohler, Wisconsin.

Four years ago Studly Doright and I decided to celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary over spring break rather than wait until late July. During the summer months he’s always wrapped up in his company’s budget process and a vacation scheduled around July 30 (our actual anniversary) would take him away from the office when he most needed to be there.

We lived in central Illinois at the time near Champaign. Studly brought home some brochures on tropical locations, but for some reason I got the idea that we should drive up to Kohler, Wisconsin, about an hour north of Milwaukee. He was thrilled that we wouldn’t have to fly to our destination and told me to make plans.

Kohler is the home of the Kohler Co., an American manufacturer of faucets, toilets, shower heads, sinks, tubs, and much more. There are two hotels owned by subsidiaries of Kohler: The American Inn and The Inn on Woodlake. Both are part of the Kohler family and are outfitted with the most elegant and state of the art bathroom fixtures.

But what interested me most was the Kohler Waters Spa. As soon as Studly gave me the go ahead for the Kohler trip I arranged for us to spend a day enjoying the spa. 

   
 
  
It was by far the highlight of my trip. I even talked Studly into a couple’s massage. That’s something I’ll never do again! Throughout the whole massage I felt certain his massage therapist was doing a better job than mine. Talk about stressful! In spite of that our day at Kohler Waters Spa was a hit.

There’s not much to do in Kohler in early March. We did tour the Kohler Design Center to look at the amazing array of faucets and such, but the golf courses weren’t open, so we spent a lot of time watching movies on the television in our really lovely room. 

Then, as luck would have it, the weather turned very cold, snow began to fall, and before long we were in the middle of a full blown blizzard. Right–it’s Wisconsin. I should’ve expected winter weather. Those tropical destinations began to look pretty good. What had I been thinking?

After three days we decided to cut our vacation short and head south. We did stop and spend a day wandering in Milwaukee. We toured the beautiful Harley Davidson museum there and then found a nice hotel for the night. Not American Inn nice, but nice all the same.

  
At least in Kohler we didn’t have to worry about hordes of spring breakers partying ’til all hours and running around in skimpy bikinis; although, there might have been a couple of guys parading around without their knit hats and gloves. That’s what I call living on the edge.

Peace, people!

Free Range Chicken

While most of my readers reside in the U.S., many do not, and I forget that not all of our pop culture gets exported. 

Some of the best commercials on American television are those for GEICO insurance. And since GEICO is an acronym for Government Employees Insurance Company, it’s highly unlikely that these ads are broadcast outside the U.S. Please correct me if I’m wrong about that, non-U.S. residents.

Here’s one of my favorite GEICO ads:

http://youtu.be/3v1wFKKWMCA
Then there’s this one:
http://youtu.be/8R0W5QqWjIg
And this one:

http://youtu.be/pvcj9xptNOQ
And I didn’t even include any featuring the GEICO gecko spokesman. I’ll save him for another day.

Peace, people!

My New Fitbit

  
Apropos of nothing last night my husband, Studly Doright, suggested I purchase a Fitbit. I pretended I had no idea what he was talking about.

Me: What’s that?

Studly: You know, it tracks your steps.

Me: Oh, it’s a pedometer?

Studly: Well, kind of, but it talks to your cell phone and tells you how many calories you’ve burned.

Me: Are you saying I’m fat?

Studly: Well, no, but you’re always talking about losing weight and, well….”

Me: (pouting dramatically) You’ve really caught me off guard. I guess, if you want me to buy a tool to keep me from getting fatter I’ll do it to make you happy. 

Studly: You’re such a knothead.

Me: Yep. Let’s find me a Fitbit.

I researched, a.k.a. surveyed my Facebook friends who by a large majority recommended I buy the Fitbit Charge. I went ahead and got the HR model that also tracks heart rate. My mild technology anxiety fluttered in the back of mind when I contemplated the barriers I might have to deal with in order to get the device synced to my phone, but it was a breeze. 

I’d go walking, but at 7 p.m. it’s still 95° degrees F in my part of the world and super humid. If I can hold out for another hour it’ll drop to 90°, and I might venture out. So far I’ve journeyed to and from the bathroom and clocked 173 steps. I have a feeling I won’t be reaching the pre-set goal of 10,000 steps on my first day of Fitbit ownership.

  
Peace, people!

Volunteer Gig

One week from today I will begin volunteering at Tallahassee Animal Services. I’ve passed the interview process, attended an orientation, and even successfully answered a brief quiz. I’m so ready!

Lately I’ve been dreaming about the cats I’ll be working with. Cats and kittens of all sizes visit my subconscious, demanding love, food, and care. In my dreams I also feel I am responsible for naming them: Vader, Anakin, Katniss, Four, and Tris. Okay, I read way too many young adult and scifi novels. 

Sometimes in my dreams the cats carry on full blown conversations with me. We discuss their days and the people they saw come through the shelter since my last scheduled visit. These cats have a lot of hopes and dreams for their futures. I sure hope I can help them with that.

Peace, people! 

sample cat

Hormonally Challenged

Some nights it doesn’t pay
to try and fall asleep.
I toss, turn, fume, and burn
and sometimes even weep.

My brain is heavy in its cage
too tired to engage in thought,
still round and round it plods
until every nerve is shot.

Physically I’m just a mess
of hot and sweaty limbs;
sticky breasts, and chafing thighs
turn nighttime hours grim.

Just once I’d like to fall asleep
free of worry, care, and pain,
yet I fear that won’t take place
until I’ve died or gone insane.

  

Peace, people!