Category: Commentary

I Hate it When That Happens

On Sunday evening, Doright Manor took a direct lightning strike, frying both of our television sets, along with our washing machine, and Studly Doright’s elliptical exercise machine. The blinding flash of lightning and the simultaneous explosion of a deafening clap of thunder didn’t do much for my blood pressure, either. 

We’d been in bed for only a few minutes when the strike came. Of course Studly was already snoring in that annoying way he has of dropping off to sleep the second his head hits the pillow, and true to form, I was reading. Our eldest cat, Scout, who is generally unperturbed by storms began meowing frantically just before the KABOOM! I should’ve known something big was about to happen.

Oddly enough we never lost electricity, but we are without television and Internet until service providers can make the trip out here. And if I want to do laundry before next Wednesday I’ll have to head to a laundromat. Strike that. I’ll GET to go to a laundromat. I’m awfully fond of them, you know. Best people watching in the world happens at laundromats.


Oh, about Studly’s elliptical machine…I’m lobbying to just chuck it. I kept thinking I’d write a post about the way its hulking presence in our den/kitchen area has marred the feng shui of my otherwise peaceful existence. Now it appears there was karmic redemption. Bwahaha!

https://youtu.be/RasBza2FL84

Peace, people.

Slowly I Turned

I had the oddest dream a couple of nights ago, and while I can’t remember much detail I do remember one repetitive scene. Some action–a trigger word–spoken by me in the dream resulted in a handsome man walking towards me while loudly eating popcorn. He never spoke, but approached and offered me some of the popcorn, to which I’d respond, “You know I can’t have popcorn!” before slapping him across the face.

When I awakened I realized that same scene had occurred at least three times during my dream, and while the trigger word is lost to me I remember it being something mundane. The whole thing reminded me of the old comedy routine known as “Slowly I Turned,” so I promptly googled it.

According to Google, the skit is attributed to comic writer, Joey Faye, and has been performed by a number of comedians through the years. Some of you younger folk might never have seen it, so here are a few clips. It still cracks me up. I’m not sure why.

Here’s Lucille Ball’s take on it:

https://youtu.be/wTnGpaY3VKY
And the Three Stooges:

https://youtu.be/MYP1OBZfFK0
But my favorite is performed by Abbott and Costello:

https://youtu.be/8KpsUlvzbkk

Hip to be Square

Aging sucks, but as I’m frequently reminded it beats the hell out of the alternative. This past October I celebrated my 60th birthday. Six decades on this earth have taken a toll on my body. I’m no longer the svelte, lithesome broad I once was. And everything hurts.

My ankles hurt, my thighs hurt, and my hips seem to be stuck in neutral. I’m okay as long as I move forward, just don’t ask me to pivot or cha cha. Damn, I miss cha cha-ing. 

A Facebook pop up advertisement (amazing how they pick up on my personal needs) prompted me to check on exercises designed to ease those frozen hips. Apparently, if I could stretch my hip flexors, I might achieve full range of motion. I could once again cha cha.

I turned to Google, and this stretch was the first thing to appear under “hip flexor stretches.”


Honestly. I can’t cha cha and they expect me to do this? I tried. Lord knows I tried. Studly Doright walked in during my attempt and laughed so hard I would have slapped him if I could’ve gotten up off the floor.

I’ll be in the whirlpool tub if anyone needs me.

https://g.co/kgs/oXQ3m7
Peace, people.

Guaranteed to Make You Dance

Get up. Dance naked in front of the mirror. It’s all good. Ed Sheeran’s in love with your body, why shouldn’t you love it, too?

https://youtu.be/_dK2tDK9grQ

Breath Mints and Poop Emojis

Wednesday mid-morning I was bumming around the house. Boredom set in. I knew that if I didn’t get out of the house as soon as possible I’d be reduced to watching crappy morning tv shows and snacking, neither of which are healthy hobbies.

So, I threw on a pair of denim capris and my favorite blue tshirt and headed to my go to boredom beating destination: Walmart. The best thing about Walmart is that you can have a good time even if you don’t spend a dime. That should be their slogan. Walmart: Have a Good Time Without Spending a Dime! Ok, I guess advertising isn’t my thing. 

Since I didn’t have anything in particular to shop for I wandered around in circles for awhile, picking up a new water dish for my cats, a couple of really cheap picture frames ($1.59 folks!), and some breath mints. Bitches never have enough breath mints. (I’ve been dying to type that phrase. I have no idea why.)

As usual Walmart had its amusing moments. Did you know that bean bag chairs in the shape of the 💩 (poop) emoji exist? Me neither! But look:


As bean bag chairs go, it was small. Child-sized. What kind of parent buys a poop emoji bean bag chair for their child? An awesome one, for sure.

As luck would have it I saw this hanging out beside the checkout line, right next to the small packages of Cheet-Os and Doritos. This made me giggle out loud.


Can’t you just picture Trump skulking around the White House in the middle of the night? He’s wielding a baseball bat as Ivanka cowers in fear behind him. 

“Are you sure you heard a noise,” he asks his beloved daughter/acting First Lady.

“Yes, father, it sounded like it was coming from the press room.”

The two peer into the murky space and what do they see? Big Bird and Elmo busily texting Putin. Yes, that’s why Trump really wants to defund NPR and PBS! Damned muppet spies! 

The fearless leader whacks both of them with the bat and Ivanka assists in removing all traces of their bloody deaths. Russian spies gone for good.

See, I told you Walmart is a great boredom beater! Now, go have an awesome day.

Peace, people!

Tallahassee Museum with the Grandkids

My daughter and her family arrived at our home last Wednesday after driving straight through from their home in Illinois. The three grandkids slept much of the way, but their parents needed naps upon arrival. 

Poppa (Studly Doright) entertained four-year-old Harper, while Garrett (14), and McKayla (12), accompanied me on some not-so-exciting errands so the house would be quiet for the “old folks.”

After the parents awakened I suggested we take the crew to the Tallahassee Museum, which is really part zoo, part zip-lining adventure, and part historical site. I’d been before, but Studly hadn’t, and none of our guests had ever visited this gem. 

I’m always so nervous that my suggestions won’t go over well, and this one didn’t get off to a promising start. Harper balked at the entrance and had to be coaxed to continue, but after a cold lemonade and a bit of time on the playground equipment, she was all smiles. 

Harper was captivated by the dinosaur sculptures made entirely from automotive parts.

Poppa decided that he and Garrett should give the tree-to-tree adventure a try, and the two of them set off to be fitted for harnesses and given instructions on hooking on to the safety lines. Poppa came to regret this quest, but Garrett took to the trees like a duck to water. 

Poppa is saying, “You want me to do what???”
Garrett was amazingly adept at switching connections between obstacles.
The camera doesn’t capture the man’s terror.
McKayla was the primary animal spotter. She has keen eyes for the almost hidden denizens of the museum.
This guy was taking advantage of a shady spot on the warm afternoon.
Garrett visited with a friendly otter.
 

Somehow I forgot to take photos of the wolves, foxes, and birds of prey, but I remembered to have a good time. 

Peace, people!

Fairy Expansion

Our daughter and her family visited from Illinois these past few days. The youngest grandchild, Harper, was entranced by our fairy house, but she also was frustrated that it had a fake door. 

“How do the fairies get in?” she asked.

“They’re magic,” I said. “They just pop in and out.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” she said. 


We left the fairies in a rearranged state and went for a quick overnight trip to the beach. I’d forgotten all about them, but Poppa (a.k.a. Studly Doright) began planning to build a house with a door that would open and close.

When we returned from St. George Island on Friday afternoon Harper was napping, so Poppa and the middle grandchild, McKayla, went to work on a new fairy house. 




By the time Harper awakened most of the building was completed, but she did add her opinion.


In fact, the idea to use leaves for the curtains was hers. 


Here’s the finished project.  Notice the original dwelling behind the new house. We’ve got the beginnings of a village!


And the door opens, so these fairies don’t have to rely on magic to enter and exit.


I noticed a couple of wee folk have already taken possession of the new place, 



along with a happy frog!

Poppa and McKayla, with a wee bit of help from Harper, made a big impact in the Florida fairy world.

Peace, people!

A Reason to Rejoice!

My daughter and her family will be here today! They live in Illinois and I haven’t seen them since Christmas. 

We’ve got stuff planned–a beach trip tops the list, but mainly I’m going to spoil the three grandkids and enjoy my time with them. 


Peace, people!