Back in the Day

This post was inspired by my good friends Guy and Janice who have for years regaled their grand kids with hilarious tales of fantastic adventures of their early lives–none of them true.

“Back in the Day”

Back in the day
Before I was old
I used to go prospecting
For silver and gold.

Back in the day
When I still had my looks
I often went dancing
With gamblers and crooks.

I joined the circus
And flew the trapeze
Climbed tall buildings
With the greatest of ease.

Back in the day
When I was still fit
I ran a marathon
And never once quit.

I scaled the Matterhorn
And swam down the Nile
Jogged up the pyramids;
That took awhile.

On African safaris
I traveled each week
Even tamed an ostrich
With a 30 foot beak!

You see, back in the day
I could almost do it all
But then just maybe
This tale is too tall.

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Onomatopoeia

Okay, I was in a super silly mood this morning. Please bear with me!

Growl, snap, pop,
Crackle boys!
Buzz, snip, growl,
Gasp, gulp guppies
Pssst, whoosh,
Whew! That was close!
Plip, plop, ploop!
Gurgle down the drain,
Slurp, splat, whisper
Sweet nothings.
Crash, bang, boom
Bombs bursting
That’s rare!
Ribbit, croak, burrrrp,
Excuse you, dear.
I don’t know about
You-a, but
Every bit of me-a
Likes onomatopoeia.

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The Great Non-escape

I’ve always thought myself a capable problem solver. Recently, during our Family Christmas Rendezvous to Nashville, I had the opportunity to test my capabilities.

My son-in-love, Stephen, found a website for a place called, The Escape Game (www.nashvilleescapegame.com), a place where participants are locked in a room for 60 minutes. To escape the room before time runs out, a series of puzzles must be solved. Correct solutions to each puzzle result in the group’s being given a key or code to exit the room.

There were ten of us in our family group: Studly, Stephen, our daughter Ashley, our son Jason, granddaughters Dominique (12), McKayla (10), and Harper (2), and grandsons Garrett (12) and Jackson (8), and me.

Going in, I was pretty confident that we could solve the puzzles in the 60 minute time frame, even though the percentage of escapes from this particular room was 46%. The room resembled a pre-k classroom complete with slides, a chalkboard, and colorful carpeting.

The game started with an employee explaining the rules. Once he left, the timer started and we got down to business. Now we signed an agreement to not divulge anything that went on in our room, that is, I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you, but I will say our group would have been better served by holding a brief organizational meeting before we began problem solving. Instead, we scattered and began working on puzzles that appealed to us.

I found one and quickly figured out the way to solve it netting us three components of the code. We needed 50 total. No problem, we were on a roll. Only 47 to go, right? Unfortunately after finding those three I was pretty much a zero–the kind of woman who gets eaten by zombies on day one of the apocalypse.

The biggest assets of the day were the grandsons. They each solved two tough puzzles garnering 20 or so components each. The rest of us made small contributions. Mine came mainly in the form of making sure the two-year old didn’t scatter the ones we’d uncovered.

With three minutes left on the big clock we had all the components necessary to solve the puzzle. Pure panic mode set in as we attempted to arrange them correctly before time ran out. We came so close. Alas, no escape!

But what fun! I certainly recommend The Escape Game if you find yourself in the Nashville area. I’d go again, but I’m not sure anyone in my family would want me as a teammate.

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Timberrrrr! Again

I fell this morning.
On my way to fetch
Clean water for the cats
I spilt a few drops, slipped,
Went splat!

The slow-mo footage did not
Play this time.
The fall was fast and furious
Like a Hollywood film,
Only less sexy.

Water puddled ’round me
Subjugating me to its wishes.
Literally, I had fallen and
Could not get up.
Somewhat feebly I called “help!”

The cats scattered, ostensibly
For first aid.
I sat cataloging my injuries
Thanking God that I
Still bounce a bit.

I scooted on my derrière
Until I reached the rug.
Managed to grasp the
Counter and pull myself
Up. Slowly.

Surrounded by water
No towels in reach
I moved inch by inch
Using the rug as my
Conveyance.

Now my elbow hurts
Like a son of a gun
From clipping the counter
On my way down
Down, down.

Somehow I managed to
Ping pong between the
Kitchen island and the
Cabinets, bruising both
Hips symmetrically.

My lower back, my
Ass and shoulders
Protest the insults
Heaped upon them
Once again.

And Studly, when he returned
Could not resist
Lecturing me on my
Lack of awareness.
Asshat.

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Leaping Lizards

I am not squeamish. Heck, anyone who has taught elementary schoolchildren knows that one either loses fear of all creepy crawly critters or one does a good job of faking bravery. Otherwise one’s desk will have lots of unwelcome visitors during the school year. I became quite adept at feigning affection for a variety of animals: “Oh, what a precious little tarantula! May I hold him?” “You have a pet boa constructor? Those are my favorite!”

Honestly I don’t mind most critters as long as I’m not caught unaware. It’s the ‘holy crap’ moments that get me. Yesterday, I had one of those ‘holy crap’ moments. The day had been about as wonderfully boring as a day can be. I’d spent the morning putting away Christmas decorations and attempting to locate all of my regular decor. I swear, one of these days I’m going to figure out a way of tagging decorative items so I can remember where things go.

I mailed a package to our oldest granddaughter in Texas, and then stopped by the big truck stop to get a soda. When I returned home I parked the car and then walked up the driveway to get our mail. Upon opening the mailbox not one, but two lizards ran out to greet me. Holy crap! I screamed, dropped the mail onto which one of the lizards was clinging and did the “ooh ooh ooh” dance–shaking my hands and stomping my feet just in case….well, just in case. Poor lizards–I think they had a holy crap moment, as well.

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Job Hunting

Let me preface this piece by saying I really like what I’m doing–working with second graders is so much fun. Now, that’s out of the way: I NEED to find a different job.

When I went to work for my current employer it was with the understanding that it would be a part time position, and technically, it is. I actually work only three hours each day; however, those three hours are 8:30-9:30, 12:30-1:30, and 3:00-4:00. Do you see the problem? My part time job takes up my entire day!

I’m ready to find another part time position even though looking for a job is one of the most stressful things I can imagine. Dusting off the old resume, remembering names of folks who are willing to vouch for me, actually making eye contact with new people. Aargh!

I’m open to suggestions. Studly says I should do something fun, but when I hinted that I’d like to volunteer at the animal shelter he gave me a really stern look and told me, “no more pets!”

Craig’s List had a few interesting listings, but I don’t think I’m qualified to be a surgeon or a used car salesman. Or an exotic dancer.

Anyone out there looking to hire a slightly demented former teacher with decent typing skills? Serious inquiries only. 😉

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Thanks Ms. Taylor! That’s good advice

Peace, People!

Beautiful Dream(er)

I awakened this morning from such a beautiful dream. It was one of those lovely, happy, super realistic visions that crosses the dream boundary. In it my mom and I were sitting at the kitchen table discussing our plans for the day. I told her I thought I’d go shopping and asked if she wanted to tag along.

“Just let me get dressed!” she said.

Then I woke up, looking forward to a day of shopping with Mom. 😢 I went shopping anyway and pretended she was right there helping me make decisions.

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January: Note to Self

Don’t give me excuses
For losing resolutions
Wimpy, downtrodden
Promises to self.

Instead, hold my fingers
To the flame
Keep me accountable
For once.

Steady, steady girl
You can do this
Take one last long
Look at yesterday.

Gone like every other
Past minute, past hour
Filled with chances
Some gained, some lost.

What now? Only some
Promises are worthy
Of keeping for
Any length of time:

Love more, worry less
Share everything
Care for everyone.
Nothing else even matters.

Peace, People.

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Cape St. George and Apalachicola

Studly and I live near Tallahassee, Florida, in the state’s panhandle. We both love this part of Florida, but it is not what most folks have in mind when they think of the Sunshine State. For one thing, there are very few palm trees in our area. Instead, we have massive moss-covered oaks and towering pine trees. In addition, our terrain is hilly, quite unlike the famously flat peninsula.

I do wish we lived nearer to the Gulf or the Atlantic. In a perfect world, I’d live a maximum of 10 minutes from a white sand beach, as it is, I’m about 75 miles from the Gulf, but the first really good beach is about 90 miles away. Yesterday was January 1, 2015, and I resolved to be at the beach on that day. Since I’m a grown woman with a driver’s license I waited for Studly to depart for the golf course and pointed my car south to the Gulf of Mexico.

On previous trips I had always immediately gone straight to St. George island, turning left just past Bayside Burgers in Eastpoint, but today I drove on to Apalachicola for brunch. The restaurant I’d planned on visiting was closed (New Year’s Day, duh!), so I asked a local couple for a recommendation and they pointed me to Caroline’s River Dining.

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I had a yummy crab quiche for brunch while seated at a table with a fine view of the Apalachicola River. Afterwards, I strolled around the historic downtown, mainly taking photos of signs for some reason.

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Only a few businesses were open, so this is definitely a place I’ll need to revisit in the future.

On my way home I couldn’t pass up going out to St. George Island to start off the new year with my toes in the sand.

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Maybe this will provide my beach fix for a little while. Or maybe, I’ll convince Studly to move to the Gulf of Mexico. I can see me as a professional beach bum.

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Cat Toys

Perfect cat toys seldom
Cost much.
An empty box seduces the
Most jaded feline.
Flippity, floppity shoe laces
Attract a kitten’s curious pounces.
My cats’ schtick is indeed
A stick.
At one time featuring a
Bunch of brightly colored
Feathers and a squeaky
Stuffed mouse dangling
From one end.
Lately, the mouse has gone
Missing and the feathers have
Molted.
But the cats simply
Do Not Care.

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