Failing the Clucking Test

Who hasn’t dreamed of being back in a classroom and finding oneself completely unprepared for a test? For years I had those kinds of dreams fairly often, but it had been a long time and I guess I thought I was finished with them. I guessed wrong.

Last night I dreamt that I was in a class for sports broadcasters and the final test consisted of doing the play-by-play for a major league baseball game. In the dream I watched my fellow students step up to the microphone, and with varying degrees of success, put their own special spin on the broadcast. I wasn’t worried even a little bit. Then it came my turn.

First. I lost the microphone. It was right there, and then, poof! Gone. I searched and searched, all while the instructor tapped his foot and looked pointedly at his watch. Finally I found it—under my shirt of all places. I plugged the mic in and began my broadcast, only now there weren’t baseball players on the field, there were chickens.

I looked helplessly at the instructor. He just said, “Banter and schtick!” Or maybe he said “banter and chick.”

So I launched into a weather report interspersed with a great many “ums” and “uhs.” The chickens were running about cackling and clucking as chickens do, and the instructor made a slashing motion across his throat. “Cut!”

I’d failed.

I curled up on the baseball field in the fetal position and cried.

Now, it doesn’t take a genius (thank goodness) to interpret this dream. Having just launched my second book—and my first attempt at a romance novel—I’d had a failure dream. One could say my field of dreams was a massive cluck-up.

The book’s doing okay, though. I’m anxious about first reviews, but hopeful, too. Mainly I hope the chickens don’t come home to roost again tonight.

Peace, and sweet dreams, people.

It’s a Bouncing Baby… Book!

There’s nothing quite like holding one’s newborn baby in one’s arms. But holding one’s book comes kind of close. And to be honest, the book won’t keep me up all night or need to be fed on a regular basis and poop its diaper multiple times a day. But a book can’t hug you or snuggle with you, so I guess there’s really no contest. But that pooping thing is almost a deal breaker…

Unfortunately I don’t get to keep this book. It’s earmarked for my editor. I just didn’t have time to put it in the mail today. My copy won’t arrive for a few weeks. So until I send this copy off to its new home I’m going to pinch its little cheeks and play peek-a-boo. Kootchy-kootchy-koo!

My baby—you can find it on Amazon and Kindle. Just be gentle with it.

Peace, people.

Cooking the Books

Typically, cooking the books involves manipulating financial data to inflate a company’s revenue, deflate expenses, and pump up profit, but that’s not the kind of book cooking I’m talking about.

With one book, The Cowboy and the Executive, close to publication and a second book, Wedding at the Happy Valley Motor Inn and Resort, almost ready for beta readers, I’m down to dealing with details. Formatting one while finessing the other.

I’m not adept at multi-tasking. And compartmentalization isn’t my forte. There are so many ways I could screw up. Thank goodness for Rachel Carrera who keeps a close eye on my writing. I have a feeling she keeps a list of ways to get rid of me by writing me into her next book. Poison? Drowning? Death by chocolate? Whichever, it’s sure to be interesting.

Peace, people!

This and That

I spent yesterday poring over my little romance, The Cowboy and the Executive, looking for possible formatting errors and other tidbits that stood out like a gaggle of sore thumbs when viewed in book form. My editor, the wonderful Rachel Carrera, might be cooking up a way to have me beheaded and I’d likely deserve the punishment.

Today I’m going to the beach with friends. Simple sentence, but wow. Let’s unpack it: I have friends—in the real world, mind you, and we’re all fully vaccinated so we’re going to hang out, unmasked, at one of God’s most gorgeous natural wonders—a beach.

As I’m writing this I’m still in bed trying to remember how to pack for a beach day and how to play nice with others. Oh, and wondering where my sunscreen might be. As lily-white as my legs are, they may require an entire bottle to keep them from burning,

Peace, people.

Exciting Stuff

Last night’s book club meeting was great. I don’t think I said anything too embarrassing, and for the most part all the attendees seem to have liked my book, Mayhem at the Happy Valley Motor Inn and Resort.

When the first question I fielded was, “Will there be a sequel” I knew it was going to be a fun evening. Then when participants offered suggestions as to what should happen in the sequel, I got tickled, since the sequel is about 90% finished. It was really tough to stay mum on the details, but I managed. Mostly. Keeping secrets is not my strong suit.

They also seemed pleased to learn that my romance is just days away from being published. If all goes well, The Cowboy and the Executive will be available for purchase next week.

I’m so excited! The Cowboy and the Executive is a fun and flirty story featuring a fantasy-worthy hero, and a not-so-typical heroine. I hope folks enjoy reading it even half as much as I enjoyed writing it. As soon as it’s available on Amazon I’ll post here.

Peace, people!

Sunday, Sunday

There was a time in my life when Sunday evenings were fraught with angst. The weekend so close to ending. A new school week or work week impending. Now, as a self-employed writer I have more ambiguous feelings about a Sunday evening. The angst is gone because my time belongs to me.

I write all through the week, taking breaks when I feel the need, and I often forget what day it is. If Studly Doright weren’t still employed full time I’d likely forget the days altogether.

Speaking of Studly Doright, he still has the Sunday evening angst. Two more years and he too can forget what day it is.

Where are you on the continuum? Still dreading Monday morning or blissfully unaware? The Mamas & The Papas had some thoughts on that.

https://youtu.be/h81Ojd3d2rY

Peace, people!

Thrift Shop Oddities

I reached a critical point in my sequel to Mayhem at the Happy Valley Motor Inn and Resort this morning. After I completed the scene I sat back and relished the feeling of a minor accomplishment. Of course when I reread the scene tomorrow I’m sure there’ll be alterations to be made, but the scene has been laid out and that’s huge.

A reward was in order. I took myself to lunch at Sweet Pea Cafe in Tallahassee then I stopped by a local thrift shop to see if they had anything interesting. And, wow! I was rewarded with several neat pieces. I didn’t buy anything, but I was tempted. See if you can figure out which item I almost brought back to Doright Manor.

Oh, deer…
Stacked elephants. Weird, but cool.
Is it a rooster. Is it a lamp? Yes!
A dining table and chair carved from cypress trees. Beautiful craftsmanship, but certainly odd.
A fish vase. Carp, anyone?
Flowers plus frogs = a fountain

Peace, people!

Nancy Drew Rides Again

My sequel to my debut novel, Mayhem at the Happy Valley Motor Inn and Resort, is coming along nicely. I’m about 65,000 words in and the penultimate scene is staring me right in the face. I went to bed last night feeling pretty good about my efforts. Then around two a.m. I woke up thinking, It all feels a little Nancy Drewish at best or a grown up version of The Little Rascals at worst.

Somehow I managed to go back to sleep hoping my subconscious mind could find a solution. When Studly kissed me before he left for work around 5:30 I told him my early morning thoughts.

“Easy fix,” he said. “More cleavage. Cleavage in every scene.”

I laughed and laughed.

Later, at my typewriter: Paula leaned over the counter, treating Mark to a view of her well-defined cleavage. In his mind’s eye he replayed all the cleavage he’d ever been privileged to see. “In all my years I’ve never encountered cleavage as perfect as yours, Paula.”

Bolstered by his compliment, Paula exposed even more of her bosom. “Thank you. I do special cleavage-enhancing exercises.”

Mark smiled. “I apologize for ever confusing you with Nancy Drew. Her cleavage is nothing compared to yours.”

Paula winked. “I know. I sabotaged her efforts to have nice cleavage in the book, Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Missing Cleavage.

Of course I promptly deleted all that.

Today I shall attempt to fix my work in progress with little to no mention of cleavage.

Peace, people!

Looking for Love

Remember Johnny Lee’s hit song, “Looking for Love (in All the Wrong Places)” from the movie Urban Cowboy? https://youtu.be/FAyDmJvjxbg. I two-stepped a time or two to that song back in the day.

Now that I have a book on the market, I’ve found renewed interest in the song. Indie authors like me are always looking for love in the form of new readers and reviewers. I’d say it’s a hard knock life, but that would be an exaggeration and a whole different movie/song reference.

I find myself touting my book to everyone: my esthetician, my physical therapist, my gynecologist during my annual exam, the checkout person at the grocery store, random folks in line for their vaccinations at CVS, etc.

Occasionally my marketing strategy pays off and I’ll gain a new reader, but often I run the risk of being an annoyance. So far I’ve not been chased away with torches and pitchforks, but it could happen.

So, at the risk of annoying you, dear reader, I’m promoting my first novel, Mayhem at the Happy Valley Motor Inn and Resort https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08PDRH2Q9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_N8QPC4KEQNA1TTH8WD9Y

Please be gentle with me.

Peace, people.

Queen Gracie

This is the look Gracie gives me when I’ve been typing too long. I don’t know how anyone expects me to write when this little girl is vying for my attention.

Peace, people!