Shapewear Dilemma

Most women who require clothing larger than a size eight have at one time or another resorted to some form of shapewear to hold their jiggly bits together underneath their clothing. I’m not telling exactly what size I wear, but let’s just say I’ve had some interesting experiences with Spanx, their sister brand Assets, and even a few off brands. By now one would have thought I’d understand their limitations.

My daughter gave me a pretty ice blue sweater for Christmas. I wanted to wear it a couple of days ago, but realized that the loose weave of the sweater necessitated a little something underneath. My white camisole was in the laundry, so I looked through my shapewear to see what was available. Most of my shapewear stuff is meant for my rather generous hips and tummy, but I did find a beige tank top that would serve my needs.

With a great deal of wriggling and stretching, grunting and groaning, I finally got it pulled over my head and inched it down over my boobs. I pulled it taut across my tummy and tucked it into my jeans. My boobs now looked as if they’d been bound to ensure my future chastity, but when I pulled my sweater over the tank top the desired effect was achieved. I could now go safely into the world without exposing myself.

I had some errands to run in Tallahassee, but first I needed to eat. I ended up at Vale where I knew I could get a good vegan meal. While standing in line to order I felt an odd sensation. The tank top had somehow been freed from being tucked into my jeans and had begun creeping up until the bottom half of it was a 1/2″ roll snugged up beneath my bra.

I paid for my order, clutched my tray to my chest and found a table in a corner of the restaurant where I ate my lunch and read my book. After finishing I used the ladies’ room to once again secure my tank top inside my jeans.

Everything held together really well for the rest of the afternoon, but when I attempted to take the tank top off that evening I couldn’t get it to stretch over my boobs. When I tried to stretch the bodice area enough to ease the thing down over my hips, my fingers slipped and I ended up with a sprained thumb and a nicely purpling bruise on my belly. Bad words were said.

I ended up having to take a pair of scissors to the thing in order to remove it. Thank goodness it was an off brand! Have you seen the cost of Spanx?

Peace, people!