Studly Doright and I are getting away for a few days. We’re heading to a resort hotel on Clearwater Beach for a belated 40th anniversary celebration. Hopefully the weather will cooperate and we’ll have fun in the sun instead of a fizzle in the drizzle.
My pre-vacation ritual always includes a couple of days in which we aren’t allowed to wear anything that might need to be packed. If at all possible one should just sit around the house naked, but Studly Doright played golf yesterday, and he’ll need to report to work this morning, both of which are better done clothed.
As for me, well…
Yes, I might or might not be naked right now, not for any prurient reason, but solely to avoid doing unnecessary loads of laundry.
Ok, so I’m not naked, but I am wearing a pair of too tight, too short yoga pants and a faded pink t-shirt that I pulled from the deepest, darkest corner of my closet.
At some point today I’ll make a trip to the grocery store. I’ll probably change into something less offensive. Or not.
Picture this: A man and a woman, strangers to one another, agree to try to survive in a harsh environment for a period of 21 days. Naked. While being captured on film.
This is an actual television series in the U.S.
Each participant is allowed to bring one tool or accessory to facilitate their survival. I’d bring a gun to kill the huge snakes in the dark jungle. So far no one’s done that. Perhaps guns are against the rules, or perhaps bullets would count as a second tool.
Typically each couple experiences extreme dehydration, epic weight loss due to starvation, and emotional angst at being naked with a stranger.
Ok, I made that last part up, but I imagine my attempt at being on Naked and Afraid might go something like this:
Nekkid and Skeert
Stranger Joe: So, what tool did you bring?
Me: A book.
Joe: A book! That’s not a tool!
Me: (Whacks Joe upside the head with my book) Oh really?
Joe: Ok! I guess you made your point. I brought an axe.
Me: I guess that’ll work. Just don’t ask to use my book. Guess we need to dispense with our clothes. You first.
Joe: (strips) Your turn.
Joe: Ha! Ha! Oh my gosh! Can’t Unsee THAT!!! (Drops axe on foot; loses two toes)
Medical crew steps in and takes Joe to the nearest emergency room.
I wander in the wilderness for 21 days, reading my book and munching on berries, occasionally fending off snakes and lizards. In the process I lose 22 lbs. and find my inner goddess.