Recently I wrote about attending the annual Mayhaw Festival in Monticello, Florida, and my general love of quaint all-American festivals. KH, the older of my two younger brothers did some research for me and discovered not one, not two, but five festivals celebrating (ta-da!) testicles!
What do you think? Which one provides the greatest opportunity for me to be named Ms. Testicle? My personal favorite is the one where you can “Come have a ball with Jesus!” Read on:
The following material can be found on guycodeblog.mtv.com; Author NEAL STASTNY (@NEALSTAS) IS A COMEDIAN AND WRITER IN NEW YORK.
1. Testy Festy
Testy Festy, held every year in Clinton, Montana, features wet T-shirt contests, the Undie 500 (men and women race tricycles in their underwear) and even a big ball contest for guys who aren’t scared to drop trou…and aren’t scared of that deep-fryer.
2. Olean Testicle Festival
What began as a small gathering of family and friends in Olean, Missouri, now provides thousands of people with their testicle fix. The event features live music and a “motorcycle burn-out contest.” There’s no better way to spend an afternoon than by hanging with bikers and eating testicles.
3. Texas Testicle Festival
If the other two festivals too secular for you, then try the Texas Testicle Festival, where the motto is “Come Have a Ball With Jesus.” The event, started by real-life cowboys, features a ball-eating contest, gospel music, a roping contest and a church service. It’s hard to get more American than cowboys, religion and fried food.
4. Tiro Testicle Festival
This festival, held every year in Tiro, Ohio‘s Tiro Tavern, is a little smaller than the others, so it’s perfect for someone who wants to celebrate testicles but avoid the crowd.
5. Oakdale Testicle Festival
To separate itself from the other testicle festivals, this one in Oakdale, California (“Cowboy Capital of the Word”), lets festival-goers select the slogan. This year’s was “30 Years And Still Hangin!” Is your testicle pun good enough for 2014?