Tag: humor

Too Tired to Type

Apparently my week of vacation caught up to me today. Studly Doright and I arrived home around eight last evening and crawled into our bed after showers and a snack. He was snoring before I turned the lights out.

Today I ran a couple of errands in Tallahassee, while Studly unloaded the pickup. Now I have a brightly colored hill of dirty clothes awaiting my attention. Laundry will have to wait until tomorrow, though. All I had energy for after sorting the clothes was a nap. It was a beautiful nap, transcending time and space and stinky socks.

I’ll leave you with a couple of photos I took of motorcyclists leaving the lunch gathering at our rally in Bristol, Tennessee. I might’ve ridden a couple in my dreams this afternoon.

Peace, people!

The Need for Speed

Are you an adrenaline junkie? Do you feel the need, the need for speed?

Not me. I’m the opposite of an adrenaline junkie, but not quite a couch potato. I don’t feel the constant need for speed, but I do enjoy having a bit of horsepower at my beck and call when the situation requires a burst of power.

I like cars that can get up to interstate highway speeds well before the entrance lane ends, but that don’t always feel like they need to be running at the Indy 500. I felt the same way about my motorcycles when I was riding.

After my car was rear ended by a distracted motorist back in November of last year I suffered from a bout of mild PTSD. Certain traffic situations made me flinch, and I couldn’t sleep without having vivid nightmares of being smushed between two vehicles. I sold my motorcycle as a result, knowing that had I been riding it the day of the accident I’d likely have been killed.

So, what’s the point of all this you ask? Well, Studly Doright and I are at a motorcycle rendezvous with some of our favorite people in the whole world. None of us are youngsters anymore. Most of the husbands in our group are still active riders, while some of the women, like me, have either stopped riding altogether, or have become passengers on their husbands’ bikes.

I’m okay being a non-rider most of the time, but when I hear the sounds of sport bikes my heart skips a beat and I start wondering if I gave up on being a rider too soon.

Yesterday I helped at one of the events at the rendezvous, pointing out the direction bikers needed to go for lunch. And I have to say I was eyeing bikes with a bit of desire. There was one BMW that stole my heart, made my pulse beat a little faster. All I’d have to do is mention to Studly that I was ready to ride again and I’d have a new bike within a week. So, I won’t, and I trust my readers won’t breathe a word of this to him. Shhhh.

Peace, people!

One Toke Over the Line

We’re in Bristol on a motorcycle trip with our good friends who live in the area. Now, whether that’s Bristol, Tennessee, or Bristol, Virginia, depends upon which side of State Street one is standing on. Studly and I and our friends are working both sides of the street, this occupying two states simultaneously. We’re gifted. And in a bit of a hazardous situation as cars were headed our way from both directions.

For some reason this old song popped into my head.

https://youtu.be/ql0IB1zv2MA

Peace, people

I Sing; Therefore, I Am…

I might not have the voice of an angel, but by golly, I put my heart into every song. Studly Doright is never sure whether to be proud of me or to hide under the table. This performance earned me a kiss.

Peace, people!

Snapshot #243

I’m on a pub crawl in downtown Bristol, Tennessee. This sign outside the State Street brewery made me laugh.

I think I’ll call this photo “Poet Laureate a la Beer.”

Peace, people!

Snapshot #242

I’m calling this one “Hulk Rails at the Heavens!” Do you see him, fist raised in anger? Almost looks like there’s a thought bubble hovering over his head. I’m easily entertained.

Peace, people!

One of My Favorite Recipes

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve done this, well, I’d have a bunch of dollars.

The sad thing is, it’s one of my tastiest recipes.

Peace, people

Those Pesky Marketing Algorithms

Something I liked or clicked on or posted a comment about on Facebook resulted in the following suggested item showing up in my social media feed:

Now, I have a couple of questions. First, is this dress meant to be worn as lingerie? The model is sporting a watch. To me, that’s an indication that she doesn’t want to be late for an upcoming appointment outside of her home.

This leads to my second question. Is this appropriate attire for church? I guess I’ll find out soon enough. I might need bail money.

Peace, people.

Lessons Learned from a Snake

I do not hate snakes. That being said, I’d just as soon not encounter a venomous one in close proximity to my home, as I did one day last week.

The night following the encounter that cottonmouth occupied my dreams every time I closed my eyes to sleep. In my waking hours I mentally retraced the steps I took prior to noticing his presence next to the garage and realized I’d likely come within inches of stepping on him. It was a sobering thought.

I’ve changed some of my habits after my snake experience, and I thought the lessons learned might be worth sharing. If nothing else, they’ll help me solidify what I gained from the experience.

  1. Don’t walk and read simultaneously. The mail can wait to be sorted once you’re in the house. What a sad tale it might’ve been if I’d stepped on a viper while perusing a Talbots mailer.
  2. Not all bad guys give a warning. If my snake friend had been a rattlesnake, chances are I’d have been warned off from the start. This guy lay silently, coiled and waiting for some clueless broad walking and reading a Talbots catalog to blunder into its sharp fangs.
  3. Scan your surroundings. There’s a mnemonic acronym motorcyclists use to help avoid accidents–SIPDE. That stands for Scan (keep your eyes moving), Identify (note possible hazards), Predict (make an educated guess as to what the hazard might do), Decide (plan a course of action), and Execute (make it happen).
  4. Please note that we Executed the snake. That’ll teach him.
  5. Don’t trust your eyes, but scan anyway. He was camouflaged fairly well in his driveway matching color coordinated way. Look twice, then look again.
  6. Always carry a bazooka. (Note to self: buy a bazooka.)
  7. Don’t assume a snake is asleep just because it doesn’t respond to outside stimuli. It’s probably playing possum in hopes that you’ll be lulled into complacency. Or that you’re admiring a skirt in a fashion catalog.

I’m sure there are other lessons to be gained from my interaction with the snake, but thinking about it too much gives me the heebie jeebies.

Peace, people.

(I found the photo directly above on twitter in order to show off the cottonmouth’s cotton mouth.)

My Discomfort

I slept late on Thursday morning and couldn’t find my motivation to get dressed. While enjoying my breakfast of Purely Elizabeth blueberry lemon oatmeal, I watched part of comic Tig Notaro’s standup special, “Tig Notaro: Boyish Girl Interrupted.”

Tig is one of my favorite comics. Her quirky timing along with her charming, not quite deadpan delivery, always has me in stitches. I’d never actually watched this special, though, and was totally unprepared to see her slender form dressed only in blue jeans, her top having been discarded at a point prior to my tuning into the program.

Tig is a breast cancer survivor, and I don’t think I knew that until I saw her bare chested on the television. Was I shocked? Yes. Women don’t just bare their chests, even chests without breasts, on television. Right? Well, apparently Tig does.

At first I had a difficult time watching the special. It’s like I didn’t know where to look. Didn’t she know her shirtless appearance would cause discomfort among some viewers? “Holy cow, lady, put your top back on,” I thought in a really loud internal voice.

But then I forgot to be uncomfortable. And I began to cheer her bravery in the midst of her comedy. What a badass.

Now I need to see the special from the beginning. I imagine the reactions of her audience as she first removes her button down shirt. There’ll most likely be some gasps. People won’t know where to look. But me? I’ll be cool with it. I’ll tell those uncomfortable folks to just chill. Tig’s got a point to make and you’re going to want to be looking when she makes it.

Peace, people.