I met him today. That epically incompetent human known as Florida Man. He was working the cash register at Walgreens and when I finally made it to the front of the line I asked him where a specific product could be found.

He shrugged.

“Can’t you look that up on an inventory list?” I asked.

“I never heard of that product. Maybe try the pharmacy.”

I walked back to the pharmacy where a very nice pharmacist waited on me. When I asked about the product she said, “Oh, yes. We have that, but it’s not with the pharmaceuticals. Let me show you.”

She left her section and walked with me to the item I was searching for. I thanked her and went back into the cashier’s line.

Florida Man looks at my item and says, “See, I told you it was in the pharmacy.”

“No sir. The nice pharmacist led me to your part of the store. It was on aisle one.”

“Hm. Well, I never stocked it.”

Now, this is where r go weird. He rang my product up, then asked, “Would you like to donate to runaway children with Alzheimer’s?”

I said, “That makes absolutely no sense. Children don’t get Alzheimer’s except in extremely rare cases of rapid premature aging.”

“That’s what it says on the box of red noses. For the benefit of runaway children with Alzheimer’s”

I looked at the box filled with red rubber clown noses. “Sir, these are given in exchange for donations to fight childhood poverty. Not for runaway children with Alzheimer’s.”

“Maybe they meant autism. Runaway children with autism. That’s who the red noses benefit. Do you want to donate?”

“Oh good grief. Sure. Just read the box before you misrepresent the purpose of the red noses again.”

As I left the store, I heard him ask another customer, “Do you want to donate to runaway children with Alzheimer’s?”

Florida Man, no doubt.

Peace, people.