Rhymes with Autumn
Did you get those shoes? Got ’em!
What will you do with those plants? Pot ’em!
How do you tie your laces? Knot ’em!
How’d you get those books? Bought ’em!
Where’d you get those fish? Caught ’em!
How’d they win the war? Fought ’em!
How’d those kids learn that? Taught ’em!
I know there are more
Ways to rhyme Autumn
Unfortunately I seem
To have reached
Rock Bottom!
Married folks tend to learn each other’s tics and tendencies over time. I’ve made note of some of the things that we just do because we’ve been yoked together for so long. Some of it isn’t all that pretty, but some of it is just right. I guess you’ll have to decide which is which.
Crack each other up with just the right facial expression.
Fart and/or belch freely, then apologize sincerely before farting and/or belching again.
Steal each other’s portion of the blanket.
Hold hands unselfconsciously.
Snore unabashedly.
Find each other’s lips on the first try in the darkest of rooms.
Know exactly where to scratch when their partner has an itch.
Finish each other’s sentences. Sometimes correctly.
Elaborate on one another’s stories.
Watch a program they don’t want to watch because their partner wants to watch it.
Understand the “look” and adjust as needed.
Commiserate with one another’s angst, even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal to you.
Be the bright spot when the other’s is dim.
Anticipate the other’s needs, such as bringing home a new bottle of wine without being asked.
Refrain from making a joke at the other’s expense.
Gladly be the butt of a joke when necessary.
I don’t do yoga, but I’ve got the pants
I have no rhythm, but I love to dance
Don’t play guitar, but I collect picks
Can’t play drums, but I’ve got the sticks.
I don’t fish at all, but I have a pole
I have the right shoes, but I never bowl.
You just never know what life might demand
So it’s prudent to keep this stuff close at hand.
At full dark the lights on the house across the lake come on,
Their reflection tracing a path across the still water.
If I were a little less substantial
I could trip across the shining pathway sending little ripples as I go.
Unfortunately, I am made of flesh and blood and bone,
And would sink like a stone on the journey.
Or maybe an alligator would feast on me.
And the fish could feast on the leftovers until only my teeth remain.
I’m not sure what good those would be
unless one wanted to make a gruesome necklace.
You said you want to meat me by the stares.
But I don’t no you that weigh or that well.
Don’t weight for me two long
I mite bee lost or confused.
You say yule give me your awl.
Butt I just want your hart, deer
And maybe your sole.
I just don’t want to loose ewe.
Our communication seams fatigued
Wee don’t always reed each other
In a way that nourishes or defends
But I like what I sea when ewe come around.
Have your ever shopped tirelessly for just the right piece of furniture or art for a specific spot in your home only to discover that upon finding the object of your search and placing it in that perfect spot that either the object is all wrong or the spot is all wrong? Yea, me neither. Ha. Ha Ha. Sob.
Actually, that’s my normal modus operandi. I wasn’t blessed with the decorating gene, so a lot of my style is by trial and error. After error. After error. Eventually I’ll wind up with something I like, and then, by golly, nobody better move it around.
Take this fun piece:
I bought it to hang in my dining room for three reasons:
1) To tone down the formality of the room. The drapes are formal and the chandelier is so not us.
2) To economically decorate a large white wall.
It almost meets that goal; although, it needs a little something to make it pop.
And,
3) The woman in the picture reminds me of my mom shown here with my dad circa 1957-ish.
So, do I find another place for the picture and keep on searching for something that works, or do I leave it and rid myself of the drapes and chandelier?
I really like my table and server. I just need (free) help pulling it all together.
Peace, People!
For years I’ve heard about the “Saw” movies, but I’ve always avoided them on principle. How I wish I’d stuck to said principle. Holy crap! What sick, twisted mind came up with this stuff?
Just in case you haven’t watched them (don’t!), they all seem to feature this deranged clown character who sets up problems to be solved by ordinary people who face certain death if they are unable to solve said problems. Oh, and the deaths aren’t quick, merciful ones. They’re bloody, tortuous, scream generating affairs involving self-mutilations.
In one of the “Saw” vignettes I just saw, er, watched, a man was attempting to free his wife from being burned alive by placing hooks in his pectoral muscles and pulling himself to the top of the room in order to unite two electrical connections thus freeing his wife. Now, I love Studly, but there’s no way I am puncturing my pectorals to save him, nor would I expect him to do that for me. Oh, and the hooks tore through the man’s muscles, so it was all for naught anyway.
I didn’t intend to see “Saw,” but it seems that once seen, “Saw” cannot be unseen. Unspeakable. I say, don’t see “Saw.”
Happy nightmares.
Ok, this is what I went through this morning. I got up extra early to go over the intervention lessons that I offered to teach for a friend today. Showered, dressed, ate breakfast, readied the house for the housekeeper, and then practiced the lessons. All was well. Then I realized I didn’t have my glasses on. Not only that, but they weren’t in any of the usual places. I checked and rechecked but it’s hard to find one’s glasses when one has lost one’s glasses.
I was quickly running out of time, so thinking quickly (stop laughing!) I grabbed my prescription sunglasses out of my motorcycle ditty bag. At least I could drive legally. Now, I had to decide if I had time to stop for my morning caffeine fix. The answer was a resounding “of course, you fool” so I ran into a convenience store, grabbed a cup, and promptly sprayed myself with Diet Coke. A little adjustment of the nozzle actually put some soda in my cup, but now I’m a mess. No time to go go home, so I mopped up with wet paper towels, paid for my soda, and hurried on my way.
The front parking lot at the school was completely full, so I parked far away in what I lovingly call the “back forty.” From here, it’s quite a hike to the office, but I was still at least 15 minutes early when I got to our little classroom. But the door which is never locked was locked. So I went in search of a key. That was fairly easy and only cost a couple of minutes, but I couldn’t get it to turn in the lock. Finally a nice teacher came by and used her key on the door. Great! I found a student to return the key I’d borrowed and went about setting up materials for the lessons with five minutes to spare. Whew! Wrong!
Just as I headed out the door to pick up my four students the custodian came by and said he needed to move me to another room. Since I’m a guest at the school I said, “Sure!” much more pleasantly than I felt.
Of course this new classroom was almost out where my car is parked. Quickly I got all my stuff arranged and went to pick up the kids. The intervention lessons proceeded smoothly in spite of it all, and even though we started late we managed to end right on time. Then I figured I had time to run home, change clothes, and look for my glasses.
The housekeeper (the most wonderful woman in the history of the world, next to my mom and my mother-in-law) had just arrived and she and I scoured the house from top to bottom. No glasses. I decided that the cats must have knocked them off the back of the dresser, but I’d have to wait until my hubby, Studly Doright, came home to move it for me.
I decided to grab a bottle of water out of the fridge before I left the house and wow. There were my glasses sitting next to a gallon of 2% milk. Now I know I’m getting old and forgetful, but how in the world did that happen? Never mind that, I needed to go to my next school.
Giving Rosa a hug I ran to the car and headed to my next school. It was only when I sat down that I realized I was still wearing my Diet Coke stained shirt. Have Mercy! Life is good and today is Friday.
Hope this made my readers feel super smart today!
Peace, People!
Two cats square off
One nose down
One on tippy-toes
Dancing around
Backs curved
Arching
Hissing
Much ado
About
Absolutely
Nothing
Except that
One was creeping and
One was hiding
And caught her sister
Unaware.
Have you ever watched truTV? It’s filled with content such as “World’s Dumbest” and “Impractical Jokers.” Basically, it’s crap. Studly is entranced by truTV, ergo, crap entrances my spouse.
This evening’s viewing included a countdown of the world’s dumbest criminals. In spite of myself I watched to ascertain which criminals make the top 10. Will it be the naked guy who attempts to rob a convenience store saying he has a gun in his pocket, or will it be the woman who attempts to knock over a fast food place by pointing a gun through the drive in window?
I don’t know if I’m more disturbed by the content or by my willingness to watch it non-stop from 7 p.m. until bedtime. Granted, at my age bedtime is often 9 p.m., so that’s only two hours of mediocre programming.
I guess I pictured us watching quality television during middle age. Stuff with a purpose like “Planet Earth” or “Cosmos.” Yes, I could go into another room, but then I’d miss out on discovering the number one world’s dumbest criminal. I’m betting on the guy who wrote his bank robbery note, “Give me all your money” on the back of his own phone bill.
Peace, People!
Praying for Eyebrowz 