Roadkill and Potholes

“Roadkill and Potholes”

As I drove north on busy Interstate 65 through Nashville, Tennessee, and points beyond last Thursday I realized I was simultaneously dodging enormous potholes and a diverse array of dead animals. The remains of raccoons, opossums, and deer were so numerous that I became anxious when I drove a mile or two without seeing a carcass. Ah, but not to worry, there were plenty more just down the road.

It was during one of these rare breaks in the action that I thought to make a verbal note on my phone in case I wanted to write something about roadkill and potholes for the blog. I did my best to enunciate, yet the message clearly reads, “Local Postholes.” Most likely I drove through a pothole as I spoke into the phone. Although, had that been the case, there would likely have been an expletive uttered, as well.

I’m scouting alternate routes for my return trip. Can you $&@?! blame me?

Peace, people.

Lunch with a Kindergartner

If you want to enjoy a four-star meal, an elementary school cafeteria is not the place to dine. If you’d prefer a low-key vibe surrounding you and your fellow diners during your meal, don’t waste even a millisecond considering an elementary school at lunchtime. However, if you desire raucous discourse and goofy, snaggle-toothed smiles, by all means join your favorite under-12 child for lunch.

I’m visiting my daughter and her family in Illinois this week. My three Illinois grandchildren are 15, 13, and five. When the teenagers were younger, Studly Doright and I lived just three hours away, and we were able to attend grandparents’ days at their school. But we moved to Florida when Harper, now five, was two, so we’ve missed out on meeting her teachers and classmates. Today, though, I was able to enjoy lunch and recess with her. It was an event I won’t soon forget.

Harper’s friends were eager to tell me not only their names, but their middle names as well as the names of every member of their families, including pets living and dead. Two little boys were disappointed that I didn’t know their respective grandparents who also live in Florida.

The conversation was entertaining and even briefly turned political when the angelic child seated directly across from me asked, “Do you know Donald Trump?”

“Well, no,” I said. “But I know who he is.”

“He tells lies ALL the time,” she said, with great solemnity. All I could do was nod.

After a lunch of oddly shaped chicken fingers, carrots, peaches, broccoli, chocolate milk, and some bug shaped crackers, we all put on our coats and headed out to recess. Harper held firmly to my right hand while a group of children with sweet and slightly sticky fingers, argued over who got to hold my left hand. We worked out a rotation and soon we were walking briskly around the playground.

I live in Florida where even in the winter temperatures rarely dip below 50°, so I knew I wouldn’t last long out on the windy 38° playground. For a few minutes I watched Harper and her friends clamber over various pieces of equipment.

I taught the five-year-olds how to play London Bridge is Falling Down. They thought it was hilarious to “take the keys and lock him/her up.” I began to worry that perhaps this game from my childhood might not be politically correct. Oops!

After playing approximately three thousand rounds of London Bridge I hugged Harper and said my good-byes to the adorable munchkins. Then I went back to my daughter’s home and took a well-deserved nap. But the dreams were sweet, and slightly sticky.

Peace, people!

March Minimalist Challenge, Days 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, and Perhaps 20.

Confession: I’m probably cheating a bit for the next few days.

For those of you who have been breathlessly awaiting my next minimalist challenge post, for heaven’s sake, breathe. I’ll not be responsible for any injuries incurred on my behalf.

Currently I’m far away from Doright Manor, visiting my daughter and her family in the great state of Illinois. My goal before departing on my cross-country trip was to sort through enough items at home to carry me through the eleven days I’d be away. I was going to snap photos, write some alliterative prose to accompany each photo, and schedule the posts for publication. I didn’t come even close to my goal.

But, in the back of my mind I thought that this item might suffice for the entire trip, as a backup plan in case I didn’t do my due diligence:

Inside the jar (1 item), underneath the lid (1 more item), are 174 pretzel nuggets that I discovered while cleaning out the trunk area of my car, for a total of 176 items.

12+13+14+15+16+17+18+19=124 items! Even if I don’t arrive home until the 20th, I’m covered!

Plus, I’m pretty sure I have something scheduled to post for the challenge on the 16th, so I’m not a complete loser.

Quick story about why I even had the long-expired pretzel nuggets in my car: Every now and again I decide I need snacks in my vehicle just in case of a zombie apocalypse or an EMP (electro magnetic pulse) attack by North Korea. Pretzel nuggets would keep me going for a few days, at least, as I made my way to a safe location. I might even be able to use them to barter with others along the way.

Zombie

Zombie

Kim Jong Un

Kim Jong Un

Okay, I’m lying, but that explanation is way more interesting than the truth.

Peace, people.

March Minimalist Challenge, Day 11

I awakened bright and early, okay, neither bright nor early, but I awakened, nonetheless, on this first Sunday morning of daylight savings time to find I didn’t have a minimalist challenge blog post ready to publish. Here I am at my daughter’s home, a thousand miles from Doright Manor, without a photo of 11 items to discard. Did I panic. Not I! I just rifled through my handbag:

The sad thing is, I can do this another day of my vacation if need be.

For those dazzled by my brilliant use of alliteration on prior minimalist challenge posts, please forgive my lapse. I made almost no attempt at alliteration today. I’m on holiday, after all.

Peace, people.

March Minimalist Challenge, Day 10

I’m on my way to Illinois to spend some time with my daughter and her family. Before I left Doright Manor on Friday morning; though, I preemptively purged the prescribed number of paraphernalia for each day.

Snack packs of pudding and peaches are presented for your viewing pleasure. We purchased these when the grandchildren and their parents paid us a pleasant visit in the past year, but these products have expired. Pooh.

Peace, people.

March Minimalist Challenge, Day 9

On the ninth day of March, I negated nine new non-essential items from ‘neath the bathroom counter. Nice!

I’m starting a journey to my daughter’s home in western Illinois, so today’s post was rather hurried. I’ve written some of my posts in advance, lest I be tempted to skip a day.

Peace, people!

March Minimalist Challenge, Day 8

Shopping totes, so many shopping totes. Someone might need an intervention. It’s sad. Seriously. Stop!

How am I doing on my alliteration? On a scale of 1 to 10, I believe today only rates a 4. I’ll strive to do better tomorrow.

March Minimalist Challenge, Day 7

On this seventh days I surrendered:

Assorted sweets and sadly expired stuff from the shelves of my now spotless fridge. Certainly some should have seen the inside of the trash compactor several seasons past.

If Only I Could Spell “Annihilation” I’d Review It

Studly Doright was busy working on Tuesday morning, so after I ran a couple of errands I took myself to see the film, Annihilation. I knew Studly wouldn’t want to see this movie. You see my big strong man doesn’t dig entertainment that makes viewers squeal in horror or recoil in disgust. That’s my bag.

I haven’t yet read the book, but I’m eager to download it now. The author, Jeff Vandermeer, lives in Tallahassee, and I hear he frequents Wells Brothers, one of my favorite burger joints. What I wouldn’t give to pick his brain!

Y’all know I don’t really do movie reviews, but I loved everything about this film: The strong female cast led by Natalie Portman, the jaw dropping suspense, the special effects, and pitch perfect soundtrack. And the ending! Holy cow. But spelling “Annihilation” is a bitch. Spell check kept laughing at me as I struggled to write this, offering no viable suggestions.

Go see this film anyway, one doesn’t need to be able to spell Annihilation in order to enjoy it. Then send me a message. I need to discuss it with someone. Hurry.

Peace, people.

March Minimalist Challenge, Day 6

On Day Six of March I offer up a row of Reader’s Digests ready to repose in the recycling receptacle or in a rheumatologist’s waiting room. Radical, right?

Does anyone think a book titled Dumbed Down: Alliteration for Dummies is marketable? ‘Cause I might have mastered the art. Or not.