American propagandist and ranting radio host, Alex Jones is all about spewing lies. Somehow he still has followers, and some of them believe every word his vile mouth says. Last weekend Jones decreed that he had first hand knowledge that the Liberals (he calls us Libtards or Snowflakes) were plotting a second Civil War to begin on July 4th.
Well, Twitter had a heyday with Jones. The hashtag #SecondCivilWar went viral and won the day:
Above is just a meager sampling of the hilarity that ensued from Jones’s declaration. I didn’t enter the fray, but I thought I’d add my own take here:
June 4, 2018
My darling, I know you were hesitant to let me take my place on the front lines, but I knew my role was here at Fort Chick-fil-A on N. Monroe. After many minor skirmishes we have the place surrounded.
The red army has been launching waffle fries laced with ketchup out of the drive-through window to make it appear as though we have sustained significant injuries. Two of my soldiers have received hot grease burns requiring the application of cold compresses.
Currently our resistance fighters are dressed as chickens while clucking strenuously and carrying signs that read “Eat Mor Beef! Eat Mor Beef!” as the enemy sobs.
It pains us so to use poor spelling, but it seems the only way to reach the poor ignorant bastards.
I’ve been awarded a field promotion, and hope to be home soon. War is hell.