Tag: blog

Thursday

Lately my life has been one weird event after another. I hope it’s just the isolation that’s getting to me. I am nearly 64 years old, so a bit of cognitive decline might not be too far-fetched.

This morning the heating and air technician came for the bi-annual checkup of our HVAC equipment at Doright Manor. I set my alarm so I wouldn’t forget, and ended up being up and about a good two hours before he arrived. I used that time wisely.

No, I didn’t. I spent a fair amount of the time playing Words with Friends on my iPhone. But I did think to call my optometrist’s office to enquire about the new eyewear I’d selected and paid for more than a month ago. I looked up the number in my contacts and thought I dialed correctly, but the phone made an odd beeping noise while I waited for someone to pick up. When no one answered I tried a second number.

This time there was an immediate answer, “Hello?”

Obviously not an office number. “Dr. S?” I asked.

“This is she.”

“Did I just call your personal number?”

She laughed. “Yes. First you tried to FaceTime with me. I figured you were having an emergency.”

I apologized profusely, told her I was trying to call the office, that I was fine. We said goodbye and disconnected. All I could think was, my eye doctor rocks. I’d forgotten she’d given me her personal number last year when I began seeing “floaters”. As I was writing this it occurred to me that I never did call her office about my glasses. Sheesh.

Then, at lunch I saw a woman’s naked breasts. I was sitting outside waiting for my to-go order when this buxom woman emerged from the restroom. Her one-piece romper had slipped down below her breasts. With practiced ease she hoisted the romper back into place and went in to order her meal, never missing a beat. I’m telling you, I was impressed.

I’m not sure anything else that happened today is going to top that.

Peace, people.

Shameless

Studly Doright and I, after finally learning how to use Netflix, have gone a little nuts. We’ve watched “Orange is the New Black,” “Schitt’s Creek,” “The Ranch,” and “Grace and Frankie” along with several others. We started “Longmire,” but it didn’t really tickle our respective fancies, so we went looking for something else. That’s how we stumbled onto “Shameless.”

If you’re a parent and wondering if you’re doing an adequate job, watch “Shameless.” I guarantee your faith in your own abilities and common sense will be restored.

The story follows Frank, played by William H. Macy and his many offspring. As a father, Frank really sucks. He’s a grifter and a conman who shirks his responsibilities at every opportunity.

His eldest child, Fiona, runs the household, and that’s no easy task. She’s barely an adult herself and sometimes she isn’t quite up to the task. But she’s resourceful, as are her siblings. They borrow and sometimes steal in order to stay afloat, always one step ahead of the bill collectors.

“Shameless” is great fun. It’s sexy and sweet and often hilarious. And after watching even one episode, you’ll never doubt your parenting skills again. I promise.

Peace, people.

About My Book

You all likely thought you’d heard the last about my completed manuscript. Bwahaha! I couldn’t let you off the hook that easily.

One of my beta readers survived the task of reading, suggesting, and editing. (That Oxford comma drives the lovely Shirley crazy, so I find excuses to use it). She’s given my book a couple of thumbs up, and as one might expect I toasted myself with a glass of wine.

Now, I’m contemplating my next steps as I await another beta reader’s thoughts.

The characters from the novel are still in my head. Sometimes I hear them begging me for another adventure. To that I retort, “You’re not even published yet! Don’t get your knickers in a twist,” or some such phrase.

For now, I’m chilling. Like always.

Peace, people.

Some Days

Today was one of those days. My younger brother and his wife stayed the night with us on their way from Houston. Texas, to Fort Myers, Florida, where they’re going to pick up their brand new Airstream travel trailer.

They had their adorable dog, Gus, with them, so we kept our cat sequestered in the master suite last night. The two were aware of each other, but no one got chased and neither of them puked from nervousness, and we had a great visit with family.

It was a win-win. Still, I didn’t sleep well, and having the cat on my chest all night didn’t help much.

After breakfast at a local cafe our guests headed to Fort Myers and I came back to Doright Manor for a nap. The cat settled in beside me on the sofa in the den, and within minutes I was out like a light for the better part of two hours.

When I awakened it was as if I were in an alternate universe. The sky was dark, and I wondered if I’d slept the day away. I hadn’t. But a storm had blown in while I was napping making early afternoon look like nighttime.

I looked at the calendar on my watch fearing that I’d forgotten an appointment with the insurance adjuster, but realized that wasn’t scheduled until tomorrow. Then I began thinking about the carpet I’d ordered. It was supposed to have arrived on the 19th. Today’s the 23rd. Hmmm.

The carpet company had required a deposit. Had I made one? I couldn’t remember. I knew I’d gone to their office to do so, but couldn’t remember actually making a payment. The checkbook didn’t have an entry either. Had I used a credit card? Suddenly I was certain that the reason my carpet hadn’t yet arrived was that it had never been ordered because I hadn’t paid a deposit.

I called the store, “Hi, this is Leslie Noyes. I think I ordered carpet from you, but I can’t remember actually making a deposit.”

The woman on the other end laughed, sort of, “We can sure check.”

A couple of seconds later she read off my address and said, “Yes, it appears you paid a deposit using your credit card, and we’re just awaiting delivery of your carpet.”

I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or humiliated or worried for my sanity. I’m going to blame it all on the lack of sleep and the lengthy nap I took this afternoon. I’m going to avoid using sharp objects, though, for the remainder of the day.

Peace, people!

The Case for Immortality

The longest word in the English language that doesn’t include the letter e is floccinaucinihilipilification, a noun meaning “The estimation of something as valueless (encountered mainly as an example of one of the longest words in the English language).”

Still, I might take it upon myself to memorize the pronunciation and spelling of this word and upon my death, have it inscribed on the urn in which my ashes are stored. With my luck, the inscriber would misspell it, and with me gone, there’d be no one to notice.

Peace, people!

Guest Hopper

When I went out to check the mailbox Saturday afternoon I encountered this guy.

He might be the largest, most beautiful grasshopper I’ve ever spoken with; although, I think he might be injured. He didn’t even attempt to hop away when I closed in on him. I moved him to the shade, so maybe he can recuperate. At least he’ll be less of a target for birds there.

Peace, people.

Alligator’s Mating Call

Yesterday I posted that I’d listened to an alligator’s mating call while sitting on my back porch. A reader asked what an alligator’s mating call sounded like, so here you go:

If I were a female alligator, I’d be all over that.

No, I did not take this photo.

Peace, people!

This Close

Today (Thursday) I was sitting outside Sweet Pea Cafe waiting for my to-go lunch to be delivered. As is my custom, I perched on the end of a picnic bench and read while I waited.

A sound startled me and I quickly looked up and to my right, where less than 50 yards away traffic was flowing up and down Tharpe Street. Somehow my brain got the impression that I was in jeopardy of falling off the bench, and I yelped.

The only other customer, sitting well over six feet away from me, looked up at my exclamation, ready to come to my defense. I smiled beneath my mask, shrugged and said, “I thought I was falling off the bench.”

He looked at me and where I was sitting, held up his thumb and forefinger and said, “You were this close.”

Not close at all.

We both laughed. He cautioned me to be extra careful before taking his meal. I told him there were no guarantees. Again he made that sign with his fingers.

This close….

And laughed.

I wonder if there’s a way to make money for all the entertainment I provide? Probably not.

Peace, people.

Who Was that Masked Woman?

I had a bit of a fright this morning. After sitting in front of my laptop for a couple of hours trying to create an outline for a new book I’m working on, I decided to make a run into Tallahassee for necessities. Okay, I wanted wine, so sue me.

It didn’t take long to locate the wine I like (19 Crimes Cabernet Sauvignon), so after I placed a bottle in my basket I stopped by the pet food aisle and grabbed some cat treats before heading to the checkout line.

I seldom use the self-checkout registers, but with just three items in my cart I thought it would be less hassle. After scanning the items in my cart I looked up at the machine and gasped. There was a wild-eyed masked person looking back at me!

“Hey, you!” I said, rather forcefully.

The young woman who assists with self checkout came over immediately to help, but by then I’d realized that I was the wild-eyed masked person in question. It was my own face staring back at me from a small screen attached to the register.

Laughing, I told her what had happened saying, “I’ll bet this happens a lot these days.”

“Not really,” she said. “You’re the first.”

I chose not to believe her.

Peace, people!

Imagine

Lately I find that certain songs make me cry. This one made me pull my car off the road so I could sob. https://youtu.be/L6svOHFSAH8

I cried for lost innocence, for the needless deaths of people of color. I cried for this country. I cried for the absence of justice. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. And then I drove home. That’s privilege.

Peace, people.