Chanel #5 Apology

Why was a Chanel #5 apology necessary?

Well, when you stayed up most of the night because your husband was snoring like the proverbial freight train, and when you tried to sleep on the sofa it smelled like perhaps the youngest cat had peed on one end and the more you explored the more you realized that the damned cat had pissed on EVERYTHING including two knitted throws, your husband’s recliner, the ever loving Christmas tree skirt, and a pair of sneakers, so you had to scrub and clean and cry and scrub some more before you finally fell back into your bed because maybe, just maybe your husband’s snoring had quieted down, but no sooner had you settled in than the bull elephant-like trumpeting began anew, so you said “screw it” and opened your kindle to read, but you just had three pages left in this book, so you had to download a new one, and there’s nothing on your wish list, so you had to search for just the right book, and you found one, but now your husband had ceased snoring, so you tried to close your eyes at 4:30 a.m. when the oldest cat jumped up on the bed and began walking back and forth across your head, forcing you to turn onto your back so she can snuggle in the manner to which she’s become accustomed, and you finally fell asleep only to miss the sound of your alarm, so you threw on your clothes after a quick shower without washing your hair because you had an appointment with an orthopedic specialist clear across Tallahassee and you’d be late if you had to wash, rinse, repeat, and blow dry your hair, and as you were driving to the dr.’s office you realized you can smell cat pee, but you aren’t sure if it’s something you’ve stepped in or leaned against or, heaven forbid, your hair, or if it’s just a phantom smell from all the pee you smelled during the night, and after they X-rayed your foot and put you in an examination room you started sniffing your clothes and hair and even your shoes and socks, but you couldn’t find the source of the smell, but you remembered you had an atomizer filled with Chanel #5 in your purse so you sprayed it around your head, but more came out than you intended, so then the small exam room smelled like a brothel, and it was too late to fix it because the doctor entered and you were so exhausted that you apologized for the overwhelming smell of perfume without even mentioning the cat pee, and STILL the dr. looked at you like you were crazy, as he said, “Don’t worry, I’ve smelled much worse,” and you just barely kept from saying, “Like cat piss?”

How was your morning?

Author: nananoyz

I'm a semi-retired crazy person with one husband and two cats.

19 thoughts on “Chanel #5 Apology”

  1. Hahaha!!
    My fridge is almost dead, so the landlord is getting a new one and I likely have lost almost all my contents so there’s a restock shopping trip in my future…
    I prefer my morning to cat pee though, and I got sleep so that helps 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, no and holy crap! That cat pee smell can stay in your nostrils for days, it seems. And it is one of the worst things to have to smell. Is it your sick kitty that is doing this? I hope this doesn’t mean more is wrong.

    I can totally sympathize with the snore monster. It is insane. I have learned over the years that he is less likely to snore if he is on his side, so I will poke and prod and not feel the least bit bad until he rolls over. What makes it worse is that he is damn near a narcoleptic and can fall asleep under nearly any conditions and immediately. Me? It takes hours to fall asleep most nights and if I do fall asleep and something wakes me up, the whole mess of trying to quiet my brain starts over again. I keep threatening to smother him with a pillow as that will shut him up, but he just laughs at me for some reason.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The peeing cat is just neurotic. The Christmas tree has her spooked, and each year she gets a little worse. I need a cat whisperer.

      And my husband falls asleep as soon as the lights go out, as well. The snoring on most nights isn’t awful, but when he’s extra tired or stressed, it awful. Raise the roof awful. And it matters not how he’s positioned in bed.

      I also snore, but I only know that because my daughter says I’m almost as bad as her dad. He never hears me because his are so much worse. We must’ve put our kids through hell when they lived at home.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My ex FIL was absolutely horrible. My MIL slept in a different room because of it. I remember being over at their house a few times after he’d gone to bed. You could hear him as if he was in the same room with you when he was really on a different floor at the end of a long hallway with his bedroom door shut. I swear I could feel the foundation shake.

        Normally my hubby isn’t terribly loud, but he has his moments. It makes it so much worse because I just don’t sleep well. If he were any worse, we’d probably have to have him see a sleep specialist or something because I refuse to sleep in a different room altogether.

        Liked by 1 person

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