A Tragedy in One Ridiculously Short Act

Characters:
Rob Moore: husband/father
Shelley Moore: wife/mother
Randy and Jill Moore: Offspring of the above
Gate Attendant
Mr. O’Rourke, supervisor

Setting: Dublin airport. Chicago departure gate, summer 2018.

Scene: The Moore family hurries through the Dublin airport to catch a flight home after two weeks vacationing in Ireland. They’re an ordinary middle class family exhausted after the adventure of a lifetime.

Rob (yawns): C’mon everyone. Here are your passports. Randy, got your stuffed leprechaun?

Randy: Yup! Hey can we rent a movie?
Rob (rumpling his son’s hair): We’ll see. I’m betting you sleep the whole way!

Shelley: Honey, check the kids in. I need to grab some ibuprofen before we board. I’ll be right behind you.

Rob: Make it quick, hon. Jill, stop sulking, put your phone in your bag and get in line.

Jill (dragging her feet): I don’t want to go!

Rob (smiling indulgently): That’s what you said when we left Chicago. 

The family, minus Shelley, boards the plane. Shelley finds the closest kiosk and purchases a mild pain reliever. She returns to the boarding line.

Gate Attendant: Passport and boarding pass, please.

Shelley (smiling): Here you go.

Gate Attendant (frown): Mrs. Moore, can I get you to step aside?

Shelley: Um, sure, but my family is already on the plane….

Gate Attendant (motions to a supervisor): Mr. O’Rourke, could you check Mrs. Moore’s identification?

Mr. O’Rourke (smiling): Certainly. Come with me, please, Mrs. Moore. 

Shelley: But….

Mr. O’Rourke: Just a matter of clarification. Let me look up your information. (Punches information into computer) 

Mr. O’Rourke: Oh.

Shelley: Oh, what?

Mr. O’Rourke: You’ve been flagged as a possible terrorist. 

Shelley (looks down at her mom jeans and Coexist tshirt.): Honestly? Do I LOOK like a terrorist?

Mr. O’Rourke: Well, to be honest Mrs. Moore you look perfectly reputable to me, but have you by any chance registered as a Muslim in the past year or so.

Shelley: I did. I’m a Christian, but I wanted to stand up to Trump and his crazy Islamaphobia. 

Mr. O’Rourke: Ah. I see. Could you step behind the screen here for just a minute?

Shelley (following request): Sure, but…Wait!

Muffled Bang

Mr. O’Rourke (Coming out from behind the screen): Shame about all those Americans.

Gate Attendant: Indeed. But the Trump Foundation is paying such a good bounty on each head. 

On board the plane the remainder of the Moore family has gotten settled into their seats and immediately fallen asleep for the long flight to Chicago. 

THE END