Month: April 2015

Cats in My Life

in response to The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt: Menagerie: Do you have animals in your life? If yes, what do they mean to you?

two cats have i:
scout,
my eldest girl
loves with her whole
heart.
i am her favorite, or
so i like to
think.
she chooses to sleep on
my side of the
bed much of the time.
given two laps,
side by side, most often
mine
is the one on which she
snuggles.
but scout keeps
space in her
heart
for strangers and
permits others to
pet and snuggle her
close.

patches,
my younger kitty
seldom allows
affection.
only with
trepidation
does she seek
human contact
so completely
aloof
is she.
but when she
craves affection
i am the
center of her
universe.
her cold nose
bumps against my
arm, code for
pet me, please!
and i am
moved
for she engages
no one else, save
me.

if my life were to
end tomorrow
loving scout
would soon
adapt to my
absence.
but patches, sweet
lonely kitty
would grieve
the loss of
her best
friend.

if i were to
lose either
cat
i would be
inconsolable.

 

scout, miss social register
  
patches, miss aloof
 

Eternal Love (or the next best thing)

As a modern, open-minded and sexually-awakened (whatever the hell that means) woman, I thought I’d seen just about everything. But nooo! As I was browsing my Facebook page today I came upon this little gem:

Because love never dies: Put your loved one’s ashes in a glass dildo 
In 1901 Dr. Duncan “Om” MacDougall began a series of experiments wherein he placed elderly, terminal tuberculosis patients on massive industrial scales, hospital bed and all. MacDougall weighed six subjects before and after death, and concluded from the postmortem weight loss that the human soul weighs 21 grams—hence the name of designer Mark Sturkenboom‘s “memory-box.”
With 21 Grams Sturkenboom has managed to create an opportunity for a truly libidinalmourning experience. The “kit” comes in a sleek, Jobsian case, openable only with a key that doubles as a lovely pendant necklace. Inside you find an atomizer bulb (to spritz your beloved’s perfume), a set of internal speakers to amplify music from the iPhone dock in the back, and a blown-glass dildo containing a tiny urn of ashes—21 grams of ashes, to be precise. Sturkenboom describes the project thusly:

21 Grams is a memory-box that allows a widow to go back to the intimate memories of a lost beloved one. After a passing, the missing of intimacy with that person is only one aspect of the pain and grief. 
This forms the base for 21 Grams. The urn offers the possibility to conserve 21 grams of ashes of the diseased and displays an immortal desire. By bringing different nostalgic moments together like the scent of his perfume, ‘their’ music and reviving the moment he gave her her first ring, it opens a window to go back to moments of love and intimacy.She is able to have an intimate night with her sweetheart again.
Before you go all Social Justice Warrior on Sturkenboom for the heteronormativity of “widow,” (for who wouldn’t want to be penetrated by a loved one’s earthly remains, regardless of gender or marital status?!?), the inspiration for 21 Grams” is actually an elderly widow—he sometimes helps her carry her groceries. Sturkenboom noticed the urn containing her husband’s ashes, remarking, “she always speaks with so much love about him but the jar he was in didn’t reflect that at all.”

Sturkenboom has not said whether or not his muse is flattered by his tribute.

Yes, should Studly Doright precede me in death I can take steps to insure that he is with me always. I hope my second husband, Bradley Cooper, is okay with this arrangement. 

And if I should precede the Studmeister? Maybe they’d construct a fitting receptacle from my ashes. Too much? Dahling, puhlease!

Peace, People!

  

Curiosity and the Door

Behind this door lies

Madness, maybe, or magic.

Only time may tell.

 

Green doorway beckons,

Oft polished tiles pave the way

Stay wary, be wise.

From ether appeared

Long-limbed, staff-carrying Mage.

My breath caught; exhaled.

“Magician, tell me

Secrets from beyond grave’s door.”

“Those must wait,” he said,

“For your own demise,

Your journey beyond life’s pale

Do not hurry there!”

 
Patience, I have none.

Again I begged the wizard,

“A hint, please of what’s to come!”

Wickedly, he smiled,

“Child, ask me no more!

Twice have I refused your bid

Thrice will serve you not!”

But eager was I 

To know secrets dark and deep

Again I bade him,

“Answer me! ‘Tis truth I seek!”

Rakishly grinned he,

“You should have escaped, my dear,

Now face your nightmare!”

Force flew from his hand,

A blinding light soon followed 

To my knees I fell

Trembling with fear

Awestruck by his power play.

“Enough,” I cried. “Please!”

“Your pleas fail to halt

The mighty powers I have

Set into motion.”

Now in this casket

I am sealed without a hope

Of ever leaving,

Of ever loving,

But at least I still have a

Wicked way with words.

Curiosity

Killed the cat I’ve heard it said.

And it entombed me.

I snapped these photos in Antigua, Guatemala, at la Casa de Santa Domingo, a hotel built around the ruins of an ancient monastery. Sometimes my imagination has its way with me. 

Peace, people!

Waffle House Musings

Sunday morning bustle
Booth or counter
Plastic menu
Decisions
Decisions
Pecan waffles
Bacon on the side
Hot coffee with sugar

Beyoncé’s voice beckons
All the single ladies
Waitresses chime in
Shoulda put a
Shoulda put a
Ring on it, my man
Elderly diner shakes
His scrawny moneymaker.

Delighted customers clap,
Cheer, and whistle
Their support
Bravo
Bravo
Bowing deeply
The old man sits as
My waffles and bacon arrive.

  
Peace, People!

Why I Like This Photo

  

I am perhaps the least photogenic person on this planet, so there are very few photos of me worth sharing. And, it’s not that I look particularly great in this photo, but it appears that someone is looking at me in an admiring manner.

Lest anyone think that was the case, let me reassure you that shortly after this was snapped my “admirer” asked politely if he could please cross in front of me to go to the restroom.

Yep, I have that effect on men.

Peace, People!

Blurb Away

Daily Prompt: BYOB(ookworm) Write the blurb for the book jacket of the book you’d write if you only had the time and inclination.

Katniss Potter was just an ordinary orphaned wizard until she found herself deposited into a maze surrounded by talking trees who demanded she choose a faction or turn to the dark side of the force. 

Follow Katniss and her faithful sidekick R2D2 as they navigate the perils of the maze and seek to learn the identity of her father.

Maybe this is a book better left inside my imagination.

Selfless Vampire

Sometimes my dreams are so vivid and so weird I have to write them down. 

Last night I dreamt that vampires were living among us. They attended sporting events and parent teacher conferences, did laundry and went for long walks. They did their best not to infect others, feeding selectively and carefully so as not to kill or turn humans. However, vampire nature being what it is, inevitably there were lapses and new vampires would be made. Everyone was aware of the danger, but life carried on. 

In my dream I was a young girl with a younger sister. We lived with our parents and an aunt. My mother gave birth to a precious baby girl and she named her Felicity. Everyone cherished Felicity. She was precious in a time of unrest. 

Soon after Felicity’s birth I was turned by a reckless vampire, and I turned the rest of the family sparing only Felicity. Our family guarded the baby night and day against any vampire who might attempt to take her. I was the only one who could actually hold the baby without feeling hunger, so she stayed with me constantly.

Now here’s where it got weird(er). My vampire family took a cross country trip in an old truck to watch a college baseball game. We arrived at the stadium and found our seats in the section reserved for vampires. I suppose none of the normal folks wanted to end up being snacked on during the seventh inning stretch.

Of course I was caring for Felicity, but the vampires around us noted her presence early on and began moving closer to our group. I knew if they ganged up on my family that we would surely lose our precious infant. I decided to take the baby to a neutral place–the concessions area, where she might be safer.

Seated on a bench near the hot dog stand I kept up with the game through the announcers over the stadium speakers and the roar of the crowd.

A normal man came and sat beside me and started asking questions about the nature of vampirism and how we expected to keep the baby safe. I wept. I told him I thought the task was both necessary and futile.

A group of hungry  vampires approached and the man fought them off, sparing himself and the baby. That’s when I knew what I needed to do. I asked the man if he would take Felicity and care for her, if he would protect her from vampires. He gave me his solemn promise, and I knew Felicity would grow strong with him.

When I rejoined my family no one even asked about the baby.

I was going to ask for interpretation, but I think I’ve figured this one out. I’d love to hear your thoughts, though.

Hot! Hot! Hot!

The Daily Prompt asked, “Do you like hot and spicy foods, or do you avoid them for fear of what tomorrow might bring?”

el mercado en la Antigua de Guatemala

I like my food hot.
Spicy.
Gratuitous heat;
The kind of heat that
Makes me wipe the
Sweat from my
Brow as I eat.
Any residual suffering
For the sake of spiciness
Should be borne with
Stoicism and great
Quantities of
Pepto-Bismol.

  

Surprise and Grace

A couple of days ago in the restroom at Whole Foods I noticed that the person in the stall next to me had on the same Sanuk sandals that I was wearing. So, of course, being the chatty person I am I said, “Hey! Nice sandals!” Silence ensued.

Well, what did I expect? What kind of person starts conversations between bathroom stalls? Only crazy people, right?

I finished my business and left my stall to wash my hands. The other person came out of theIr stall and gave me a shy smile. That’s when I realized that she was a he in transition. No wonder s(he) didn’t respond–probably didn’t want to freak me out, and for that I was grateful.

Now I’m an open-minded person, but even so I must admit that the presence of a man in the women’s bathroom caught me slightly off guard. I hope I didn’t let that show on my face.

We exchanged smiles, and I reiterated my admiration of our common good taste in sandals. “Oh,” she said, “Don’t you love how comfortable they are?” 

I agreed wholeheartedly. She noted that we had similar toenail colors, a pretty coral. Awkwardness dissolved. 😊

She was not a beautiful woman, physically speaking. Her poor face showed the ravages of hormonal changes, no doubt brought on by painful injections. But, she was dressed in this crazy colorful, stylish dress and non-matching turban, and as we left the restroom, she walked slightly ahead of me–head held high, a wiggle in her walk, fierce. 

And I thought, “Yes! You go girl!” 

Peace, people!

Trivia Tonight

Studly and I are going out tonight. It’s Trivia Night at his golf club. Normally I’d be chomping at the bit, but I’m a little draggy this evening.

I spent the morning sitting at a too small table in a too small chair working with adorably energetic two and three year olds. Then I spent the afternoon organizing my kitchen drawers. The goal was to create a bar space that looked organized and decorative. In the process I planned to also organize the infamous, ubiquitous junk drawer. 

Somehow one junk drawer turned into three junk drawers, and I still have leftover junk.

I ask myself, “Do you really need nutcracking tools?” Well, in 38 years I’ve never actually used them, but who knows what tomorrow might bring?

I ask myself, “Why do you have six pairs of scissors, five rolls of packing tape, and 57 individually-wrapped toothpicks?” Probably in case of an impending toothpick shortage or a packing emergency.

I ask myself, “Why is there an undeveloped roll of film in this mess?” Mainly because we never develop our film. It must be against our religion or something.

At the end of my afternoon of organizational frenzy I am no more organized than I was when I began. 

I ask myself, “What have you learned from this exercise?” Junk happens.

With any luck one of the trivia questions tonight will deal with the proper number of individually-wrapped toothpicks one should keep on hand. The answer: 57. 

Peace people!