I was blaming the holidays and a weekend visit with friends from Indiana for my sudden and startling gain of ten pounds. Long gone, it seems, are the days when I could inhale an entire pepperoni pizza and not gain a tenth of a pound. Nowadays if I even look too longingly at a Cinnabon sign I find myself in need of a new pant size.
Then I saw this meme on Facebook:
And I knew what a much better story it would make.
(Ring, ring!)
Quentin Tarentino: Talk to me.
Me: Mr. Tarantino?
QT: Yes?
Me: Hey! This is Leslie. Leslie Noyes? You know the kind of hefty, middle aged female lead for your next film, The Overweight Eight?
QT: I’m sorry. There must be some misunderstanding. We just released a film with a similar title, but….
Me: I was really counting on this role, and I’ve already gained the weight. Are you sure…? I can be at the studio tomorrow. Samuel L. Jackson is going to love me!
QT: Look lady. I’m sure you’re a real groovy chick, but I don’t know you. Never call me again, or I’ll have you arrested. (Click!)
I guess I wasted all that money on my SAG card, too.
Peace, people!
Praying for Eyebrowz 