Tag: humor

Flat Day

Tuesday didn’t start out being flat. I woke up early, fed and played with the cat, then went straight to working on Wedding at the Happy Valley Motor Inn and Resort. I’d had a couple of ideas during the night and wanted to get them down before I forgot them.

Once I’d made the additions/changes, I did my 20 minute funky disco dance exercise routine and then took a shower. I had an appointment with a tarot card reader—research for a scene in Wedding, but not until 2 p.m.

I had a lovely lunch at Sweet Pea Cafe in Tallahassee where a young woman, waiting for her name to be called, stepped into the shade of the trees and danced like a fairy princess, totally oblivious to those of us watching.

After lunch it was still too early to drive to my tarot reading, so I went to a consignment shop and wandered about for an hour. When I left there I hadn’t driven but a mile when my car flashed a warning that one of my tires was low. Dangerously low. I pulled into a service station and with the help of a nice man aired it up. There was just one problem—I could see the bolt that I must have run over. It was huge and I knew the tire wouldn’t hold air long.

Now I had a decision to make: Keep the appointment or go directly to a tire shop and have my tire fixed. I called Studly Doright for advice.

“Fix the tire.”

Alrighty then.

The tire pressure dropped two pounds as I was talking to him. I googled the nearest tire shop—three miles away. Slowly I made my way to Mavis Tires. By the time I arrived I was down to twenty-two pounds in the wounded tire.

Mavis Tires took care of me. I was a damsel in distress and they were my knights in shining armor. They patched my tire while I chatted with others in their clean waiting room. I sold at least one copy of Mayhem at the Happy Valley Motor Inn and Resort while we waited.

Mavis fixed my tire and didn’t charge me a penny, so my tire might’ve been flat, but the day ended well. Except I still need to have my cards read. Maybe tomorrow will be fluffy instead of flat,

Peace, people!

Cooking the Books

Typically, cooking the books involves manipulating financial data to inflate a company’s revenue, deflate expenses, and pump up profit, but that’s not the kind of book cooking I’m talking about.

With one book, The Cowboy and the Executive, close to publication and a second book, Wedding at the Happy Valley Motor Inn and Resort, almost ready for beta readers, I’m down to dealing with details. Formatting one while finessing the other.

I’m not adept at multi-tasking. And compartmentalization isn’t my forte. There are so many ways I could screw up. Thank goodness for Rachel Carrera who keeps a close eye on my writing. I have a feeling she keeps a list of ways to get rid of me by writing me into her next book. Poison? Drowning? Death by chocolate? Whichever, it’s sure to be interesting.

Peace, people!

Toddler Conversation

Studly Doright and I have five beautiful grandchildren—no surprise there, aren’t ALL grandchildren beautiful? The oldest two are seniors in high school and will graduate in a couple of weeks. Born three months apart, Dominique and Garrett turned our lives upside down, in the best possible way. Grandchildren are God’s greatest gift, but that’s just my opinion.

Garrett and Dominique

When they were very small they lived close enough to have almost daily interaction and their conversations were hilarious. Years ago I put a couple of those conversations together for a blog post. It still makes me laugh.

https://nananoyz5formewordpress.wordpress.com/2014/08/30/oh-dear/

Peace, people!

This and That

I spent yesterday poring over my little romance, The Cowboy and the Executive, looking for possible formatting errors and other tidbits that stood out like a gaggle of sore thumbs when viewed in book form. My editor, the wonderful Rachel Carrera, might be cooking up a way to have me beheaded and I’d likely deserve the punishment.

Today I’m going to the beach with friends. Simple sentence, but wow. Let’s unpack it: I have friends—in the real world, mind you, and we’re all fully vaccinated so we’re going to hang out, unmasked, at one of God’s most gorgeous natural wonders—a beach.

As I’m writing this I’m still in bed trying to remember how to pack for a beach day and how to play nice with others. Oh, and wondering where my sunscreen might be. As lily-white as my legs are, they may require an entire bottle to keep them from burning,

Peace, people.

Exciting Stuff

Last night’s book club meeting was great. I don’t think I said anything too embarrassing, and for the most part all the attendees seem to have liked my book, Mayhem at the Happy Valley Motor Inn and Resort.

When the first question I fielded was, “Will there be a sequel” I knew it was going to be a fun evening. Then when participants offered suggestions as to what should happen in the sequel, I got tickled, since the sequel is about 90% finished. It was really tough to stay mum on the details, but I managed. Mostly. Keeping secrets is not my strong suit.

They also seemed pleased to learn that my romance is just days away from being published. If all goes well, The Cowboy and the Executive will be available for purchase next week.

I’m so excited! The Cowboy and the Executive is a fun and flirty story featuring a fantasy-worthy hero, and a not-so-typical heroine. I hope folks enjoy reading it even half as much as I enjoyed writing it. As soon as it’s available on Amazon I’ll post here.

Peace, people!

Take Me to Your Reader

This evening, Thursday, May 13, I’ll be attending a book club meeting in Tallahassee at which my book, Mayhem at the Happy Valley Motor Inn and Resort, will be the topic of discussion. This will be my second book club experience with Mayhem, but while the first one was via Zoom, this one will be held in a friend’s home with actual people in the room with me!

I’m no introvert, but having been fairly sequestered with Studly Doright for the past year, I’m going to confess to being a bit nervous. And when I get nervous, I’m liable to say just about anything.

“By the way, did you all know I lost my virginity back in….”

Yep. It could happen.

Peace, people!

Dry Humor

I stopped for a potty break at a rest stop somewhere on Interstate 40 yesterday. After using the facilities I washed my hands and looked around for a hand dryer. The item pictured above was built into the wall and when I stuck my hands inside, warm air blew from the vents.

Very slow moving, mildly warm air, that is. After several minutes my hands were still wet and I had to use my blue jeans as a towel.

I turned to a woman who was stationed at another drying station and said, “This isn’t a very efficient dryer.”

She said, “If you leave your hands in long enough, the moisture dries up out of boredom.”

I giggled all the way to my car.

Peace, people!

$&@?!

Yesterday afternoon I set about making hotel reservations for our trip to Illinois for our eldest grandson’s high school graduation in June. Due to Studly Doright’s frequent travel for business we’ve accumulated a rather hefty number of points for hotels in the Holiday Inn chain. Usually, exchanging those points for a hotel stay is a relatively easy task. Yesterday was not one of those times.

For some reason the Holiday Inn reservations link on their website wasn’t working, so I called their helpline. The conversation went something like this:

Them: (after a ten minute hold time) Hello. How may I help you today.

Me: I need to reserve a room at the Holiday Inn Express in Le Claire, Iowa, for two adults for the following dates… (I’m not sharing the dates here because I don’t want everyone to know we’ll be out of town.) and I’d like to use our IHG reward points to pay for the room,

Them: Yes ma’am. You do know you could use our website to conduct this transaction.

Me: Yes, I do; however, the link wasn’t working so here I am.

Them: Do you have your account number?

Me: I do. (I read it to her)

Them: Please hold while I check for availability.

Me: (humming along with the Muzak)

Them: Okay, ma’am the Holiday Inn Express in Montgomery, Alabama, is fully booked that weekend, but we could book you into another of our properties there.

Me: Alabama? I need a room in Le Claire, Iowa.

Them: Oh, please hold while I check for availability.

Me: (grumbling to myself)

Them: Okay, it looks as if there is a king room for $156 per night.

Me: Remember, I want to use my points to pay for the room.

Them: Well, you can’t. You could redeem your points to reserve a room with two queen beds, but not a king.

Me: Did you check my account to see the number of points we have in our account?

Them: Do you have your account number handy?

Me: Yes. I read it to you earlier, but I’ll do it again.

Them: Please hold while I check your account.

Me: Why, of course.

Them: Are you David Noles?

Me: (facepalm) No. My husband is David Noyes. The account is his, but I’m making reservations for the two of us.

Them: I’m sorry. You can’t do that.

Me: I’ve done it countless times.

Them: Sorry.

Me: May I talk to a supervisor?

Them: Well. (Pause). I’m going to have to put you on hold…

Me: I’m fine with that.

Them: Well, okay.

Me: (banging my head against the wall)

Supervisor: Hello, how may I help you, Mrs. Noyes?

Me: (sigh) I need to reserve a king non-smoking room at the Holiday Inn Express in Le Claire, Iowa, for two adults for the following dates in June and I’d like to use our IHG reward points to pay for the room,

Supervisor: Your account number, please?

Me: 555555555555 (not really, but I’m not giving you all my account number)

Supervisor: Thank you. We’ve reserved a king room in Le Claire, Iowa, for two adults on the following dates. You’re reserving with reward points. Is there anything else I could assist you with this afternoon?

Me: I could use a couple of Advil…

Supervisor: Pardon me?

Me: Never mind.

Supervisor: Thank you for choosing Holiday Inn.

Me: Okey doke.

Seriously, I think I lost 10 years off my life. But, all’s well that ends well, right??

Peace, people!

My Cat Has Questionable Taste

Gracie joined me as I binge watched the original Star Wars trilogy yesterday. She was especially taken with Jabba the Hutt.

I should’ve videoed her from the beginning, but didn’t realize she was watching.

I’ll have to encourage her to love Han Solo, I guess. To me it seems like a no-brainer, but then I’m not a cat.

Peace, people.

May the Fourth

I might not have mentioned my love of Star Wars in a while, but this is the perfect day to remind everyone. May the Fourth (be with you) is here and deserves some attention.

From the moment I first met Han Solo I was hooked.

What’s not to love?

When he took me along on his blast into hyperspace I turned to jelly.

Again, Han! Again!

When I feared that he might be crushed to death in the trash compactor I forgot to breathe.

Hey, Where’s Chewie?

And I’ll take Han’s words of comfort with me always. https://youtu.be/3bjEpLoL0ls

Peace, people!