The Death of Me

I almost died yesterday. I don’t think I’m being hyperbolic either. Driving home to Doright Manor from Tallahassee I remembered that we were out of the Gardein “chicken” noodle soup I love so much. It’s vegan, but you’d never know it.

I’d just passed a grocery store, so I found a place to turn around and after assessing oncoming traffic, began my turn. A small hill hid an oncoming car, and as I applied the brakes, my foot slipped off the pedal. Somehow I managed to react just quickly enough to avoid being broadsided. The guy might’ve been speeding a little, but if I’d been hit it would’ve been my fault.

When I finally made it to the store’s parking lot I sat for a moment, shaking like a leaf. And the thing is, I’d had a wonderful driving day before this. I don’t know if anyone else can relate, but it was one of those days when my timing was impeccable—until it wasn’t, and my guardian angel had to intervene.

So here I am being granted another day. I hope I’m worthy.

My guardian angel must be exhausted.

Peace, people.

Near Misses

Have you ever had one of those days where you seem to successfully dodge one mishap after another? I have to confess that’s not my norm. If a ball has begun rolling down hill a mile away from me then chances are our paths will cross before long and I’ll go heels over head in spectacular fashion.

Yesterday, though, on my way home from Tallahassee I managed to avoid one potentially injurious incident after another. Rather than go into detail I’ll simply list them.

1) Someone driving a sporty red car ran a red light through a busy intersection just as I entered said intersection. My reflexes saved me. My raised middle finger was of no use.

2) A mile or so down the road an impatient driver on a side street pulled around another car and darted in front of me. I applied my brakes and my horn simultaneously. No fingers were raised.

3) As I entered a tightly engineered roundabout the car in front of me came to an abrupt stop causing the car behind me to very nearly rear end my car. At this point I’m thinking, Should I just park and call an Uber to take me home?”

4) I turned onto a familiar country road to take a shortcut home. A road construction crew had stopped oncoming traffic allowing cars in my lane to proceed. Unfortunately one southbound idiot decided he didn’t need to wait on cars going northbound and came right at me. I’ve now become something of an expert at avoiding crashes, so I find space to make room for the $&:(@?! and after honking and glaring at him I went on my less than merry way. Note: glares are as ineffective as middle fingers.

5) At this point I figured I had most certainly survived the gauntlet. Now that I was within three miles of Doright Manor surely nothing else could befall me. Then there was a cow. Now, I grew up in rural Texas where it wasn’t uncommon to see a lone cow or even a small herd of cattle on the road, but this was a first for me in Florida. I rounded a curve in the road and there she was, just waiting for me to kill both of us. I pressed on the brakes and stopped with at least two entire inches to spare.

6) I managed the rest of the drive without incident, and have decided to become a hermit. At least for a day or so. My guardian angel needs a rest.

Peace, people!