Newlywed Sandwich

My husband, Studly Doright, enjoys recalling our early days of matrimony when his young bride (me) tried to settle into the life of a domestic goddess. Studly was a hard working young man, in a blue collar job with a natural gas company, and I was clueless.

On Studly’s first day back to work after our honeymoon, I arose early to prepare his lunch. I’d never prepared a lunch for anyone other than myself, but how hard could it be? I spread two slices of white bread with a smear of mayonnaise, a piece of bologna, a bright yellow square of American cheese, and added a baggie filled with Studly’s favorite Cheetos. I was pleased with the way his lunch looked as I loaded his manly lunch pail and sent him to work with a smile and a kiss.

When my husband came home from work that afternoon he politely told me that his lunch wasn’t quite big enough. So, on day two of making his lunch I put not one, but two pieces of bologna on his bread and added a few more Cheetos to the baggie. Again, I admired the way his lunch looked and sent him on his way with a sweet smile and a kiss.

Studly came home from work that afternoon, took me by the hand, looked me in the eye and said, “Honey, I’m going to make my own lunches from now on.”

Apparently I was starving him to death. Even forty-one years after those first days of marriage Studly remembers how he almost cried upon seeing how paltry his lunch looked. I’d like to think I’d do better now, but he’s not taking any chances.

Thanks to https://nonsmokingladybug.wordpress.com/ for the inspiration for this post.

Cleaning House for the Housekeeper

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Studly Doright and I are not messy people. Well, Studly isn’t, but I am. And I have few domestic skills. While I’ve begun cooking for the Studmeister I still don’t clean for him. Twice each month a lovely woman comes to Doright Manor and makes everything sparkle like a shiny, new penny. What I do before the lovely Rosa sets foot in our home every other Friday is, according to Studly, pretty ridiculous.

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On Thursday evening I go room to room inspecting for misplaced items and returning them to their appropriate positions. I scour around the cats’ litter boxes. Anything in the kitchen that looks even remotely as if it’s been used goes in the dishwasher or the recycling bin. Trashes are emptied, counters wiped down. I straighten the closet and align our shoes. On Friday morning I hide everything that’s been left on the bathroom counter in the cabinets and clean out the cat boxes one more time.

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By the time I’ve finished, the house almost appears as if it doesn’t need cleaning at all. That, of course, is my goal. Well, I’m writing this at 7:25 on a cold Thursday, February evening. I guess I’d better get to work. The house isn’t going to clean itself.

Peace, people!