Tag: Craigslist

A Matter of Lice and Death

Now and again I find it amusing to browse Craiglist for employment opportunities. And who knows, one day I might find the perfect job, namely one that pays me a large sum of money for doing very little work. Oh, and it must be a position to which I can report as suits my schedule. 
Studly assures me that I need not work, but occasionally I’d like to have a bit of my own money so I can purchase things like birthday and anniversary gifts for him without having to fib. “Oh, that $200 missing from our account, um, that was for groceries.” 

He knows I don’t buy groceries, so why do I bother? It’s part of the game, I suppose. 

Anyway, I looked on Craigslist this afternoon and discovered a few interesting positions:

  
Of these, Head Lice Removal Technician and Funeral Associate sound promising. Who’s willing to serve as a reference?

  

Just a Scary Night in Jacksonville

Studly Doright and I drove over to Jacksonville last Thursday afternoon to purchase a 2010 Honda Goldwing he’d found on Craigslist. Even though Jacksonville isn’t terribly far from Tallahassee, Studly arranged to take Friday off from work so he wouldn’t be driving home from Jacksonville on an unfamiliar bike after dark. 

Craiglist purchases always make me nervous. After all, there have been cases in which the person placing the ad just wanted to murder and rob someone by luring them to a meeting spot. As a proactive measure once we got to the designated location I stayed in the running car with my finger poised to dial 9-1-1. Studly shook his head and laughed at me. I get no respect.

Once we had the bike and title in hand, I set the car’s GPS for our hotel address and with Studly following on the Goldwing we set off across Jacksonville. Studly had instructed me not to worry if we were separated, assuring me he’d find the hotel on his own if necessary.

As soon as we got on the interstate a car cut in between us and in spite of Studly’s instructions I slowed a bit to allow him to catch up. Before long I spotted him in my rear view mirror making a move to catch me. Unfortunately, the driver of the car fell victim to a bad case of road rage and I watched in horror as he attempted to intimidate Studly.

Now, my husband is a former motocross racer. His reflexes and instincts are still sharper than those of most people I know, but this angry driver was incredibly aggressive and determined to teach Studly Doright a lesson.

When our exit popped up I hoped this person would stay on the interstate, but no, he came off right behind my husband. We immediately hit a stop light, and the driver stopped beside Studly. I was watching intently in case I needed to intervene. Studly was nodding. The driver was yelling; although, I couldn’t hear what he was saying. 

Apparently, the angry man finally felt vindicated and took a left turn as soon as the light turned green. Studly and I made it to our hotel without further incident. 

Once in our room I asked Studly what had happened. “Oh,” he said calmly, “he threatened to shoot me.”

My knees buckled. To think I’d been so concerned about the Craigslist seller and only mildly worried about the road rage guy. I didn’t sleep well that night. 

In the morning we left the Goldwing at the hotel and headed to a diner for a great breakfast. Much to my surprise Studly suggested we find a beach, so we followed the signs to Hanna Park, a gorgeous two mile stretch of powder soft sand. The tide was out, and we plucked a handful of delicate, intact shells from the beach.   

   
The walk and the clean tang of salt and sea cleared my head. All was right in the world, and I banished the potential violence of the night before from my mind. After taking Studly back to his bike we parted ways for the rest of the day. I drove down to St. Augustine to see what the outlet stores had to offer and Studly headed home to Doright Manor.

I hope that stupid driver came down with a bad case of diarrhea followed by extreme constipation and excessive gas. Otherwise, I wish him well. 

Peace, people.

  

Craigslist

If I ever want a good laugh I need go no further than Craigslist, that online domain where goods are bought, sold, and traded, where jobs are found and relationships launched.

I’ve never actually purchased anything advertised on Craigslist, nor have I discovered a job worthy of my considerable talents, but there is something slightly mesmerizing about Craigslist. I’m especially fond of the personal ads and rants and raves.

In the relatively small market of Tallahassee I discovered a potential 50 Shades of Grey scenario in the making:

Tallahassee Italian late 50’s (looks and acts younger) seeks attractive open minded younger female for a 50 shades relationship. Please send description or pic in first reply. No experience necessary if interested in learning the lifestyle. Be open to :

-being shown off
-shared
-light bondage
-spanking
-costumes
-role playing
-being trained
-obediant
-more

I am a classy, patient, understanding teacher. If you have experince let me know.

He says he’s classy, so he must be, right? He does have some serious spelling deficiencies, though.

And how about this rant I politely edited about an older female driver from a self-avowed nice young man?

You are a menace. You are not in a position to lecture anyone on driving or etiquette. I apologize for ending our conversation with an abrupt “F____ You” and I admit it was not my finest moment. However, I was a bit flustered after you almost caused an accident and then ambushed me in the parking lot. When I calmly explained to you that I had the right of way, you agreed. Then you claimed that the rules did not apply to you and proceeded to denigrate me, my manners, and my upbringing. My manners are fine, because I was not raised by people like you.

If I see you pull a stunt like that again, I will do the polite thing and call the cops.

Sincerely,

Nice Young Man

I couldn’t make this stuff up, folks!

So if you’re in need of a giggle, check out Craigslist. Oh, and read my poem:

Craigslist

Whatever I need
Day or night
A quick search of
Craigslist can make
It all right.

Need a car?
A job or a house
To rent?
Golf clubs or maybe
A small pup tent?

Personal ads
In search of romance?
Casual encounters
Might turn raves
Into rants.

Just need to discuss
A topic online?
The forums can
Guide you,
If you just have the time.

Oh Craigslist however
Did we survive
Before you brought
This variety
Into our lives?

IMG_0816

Peace and happy reading, People!