Category: Uncategorized

I hear you.

You’re angry.

I get it, I’m angry too.

I’m not talking to the people who are angry at Target because their Pro Transgender bathroom policy flies in the face of their cherry picked moral compass. I’m not under any obligation  to respect their beliefs. 

I’m talking to you… the people who have no issue with sharing a bathroom with LGBT people. I’m talking to those of you who are speaking out about this bathroom policy, expressing concern over the women and children who you fear will be in danger because of this policy.

You’re reasonable people. You aren’t expressing hate or bigotry. You just worry. You worry about your kids, your wives, your sisters. I worry too.

I probably worry too much. I have always accompanied my younger kids to the bathroom in public places. When my son was too old to go into the women’s room, I…

Dear Whitechapel Whelk

I spent last Sunday morning enjoying the wonderful spectacle of The London Marathon and was filled with admiration for all the thousands of people prepared to put themselves through the pain barrier in order to raise money for worthy causes.

Imagine my fury, therefore, when I spotted a number of so-called athletes completing the distance whilst comfortably seated in chairs with wheels attached.

These sluggards and stay-a-beds should be brought to book by the organisers and should never be allowed to compete again in my view. No wonder they’re starting to call our once-proud nation “Broken Britain”

Marvin Pistorius

The Azores.

**************************

Dear Whitechapel Whelk

I’m not a bigoted man but I’d strongly advise the president of The United States to change the name of his country retreat from Camp David to something a bit more manly.

How on earth does he expect despotic world leaders to…

Now this is an original take on the zombie apocalypse.  

The world has been decimated by the KDH virus. It kills most people, but for some, usually the young and strong, it Reboots them, bringing them back stronger, more powerful, less bothered by emotions.

17-year-old Wren is a soldier for HARC (Human Advancement and Repopulation Corporation) in the Republic of Texas.  178 minutes after she was shot in the chest three times, she came back as a Reboot, not fully human, but not dead, either. The Reboots’ value is measured by the number of minutes it takes them to revive. Depending on how long they are dead, the less human they are when they return. As a soldier, fewer emotions and faster healing are optimal. This makes Wren a legend. She is a machine. They are known by their numbers and Wren 178 is the deadliest.

Wren’s job is…

Suicide is different. If my husband died by suicide next week, people would wonder why I didn’t see it coming. They’d puzzle over why I hadn’t known that he was depressed and gotten him to a doctor. They’d question why I’d left him alone, why I’d decided to go to meetings all afternoon, saying goodbye to him buried under the covers of a messy bed.

They would blame me.

I remember taking a young friend to a teenage boy’s funeral. His parents stood next to his open casket and shook people’s hands. I didn’t know them but I shook their hands anyway and told them I was sorry. In the back of my mind, I thought, ‘how could you have let this happen?’ And then just as fast, I thought ‘anything can happen.’

Anything can happen.

If planes can fly into skyscrapers and no one, not air traffic controllers nor…

It’s his birthday!

What fools, what fools, what fools these mortals be
what fools to mimic riches glitter fame
what fools to in those masks refinement see
what fools embraceth folly without shame

Where every likeness hath its own deceit
wherein it looketh match to opposite
pretended twin to answer in repeat
the shoe that forceth toes and heel to fit

With voices like to painted artifice
with jaws that stretcheth into polished teeth
with promises that proveth meaningless
duplicity a smile cached underneath

And will the masquerade yet come undone?
I fear the jester killeth us with fun.

Shakespeare knew a few things about fools.  With admiration, and as part of my April Fools series, my first ever sonnet.

I. Around the corner

Lurk petals ready to bloom.

Spring where have you been?

II. When robin first sings

All nature stops to listen

Welcome back my friend!

III. My heart is stirred by

Lengthening days, earth’s rebirth,

Warmth of soil and sun.