Category: Uncategorized

Movie Etiquette for Dummies

Today, I rant. Either I’m getting less tolerant, or the movie-going population has become more rude. I suspect it’s a little of both. At any rate, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore” — a line from the film “Broadcast News” that I might have missed if the couple sitting beside us in the theater today had been sitting by us when that film was released in 1987. And that was a line that was quite literally shouted from the rooftop multiple times. I would have missed every single repetition.

Nowadays, Studly and I move to different seats almost every time we attend a movie, and today was no exception. So, here is my list of theater etiquette. Thoughts are welcome.

1. Don’t text during a film. The light from a smart phone is a real buzz kill. Part of the reason one goes to see a movie at a theater is for the ambiance, and sharing light from a cell phone in a darkened theater is akin to flushing a toilet in the middle of a ritzy restaurant. It ruins the ambiance. And the appetite. And it’s inconsiderate.

2. Don’t rattle wrappers. It drives me insane when people scrunch, shake, and otherwise loudly manipulate their sacks of popcorn and boxes of candy. For pity’s sake, just eat it all before the movie starts, or open the package in such a way as to facilitate easy access to the snack during the film. It’s not rocket science!

3. Chew as quietly as possible. Really. No one wants to hear the crunch, crunch, crunch of popcorn or Jordan almonds during a romantic flick. In a perfect world, only gummi bears would be served in movie theaters. And maybe pudding. Oatmeal would be okay, too.

4. Be aware of surroundings. if the theater has plenty of vacant seats, don’t choose to sit right next to someone else. It’s just awkward. And if you rattle wrappers or chew loudly I’m just going to want to slap you upside the head.

5. Don’t talk. Ok, the words, “Whoa!”, “Ahhhh!” or similar declarations of fear, surprise, even wonder can be uttered, but under no circumstances should one carry on a full-blown conversation. Even in whispers! Whispers carry. Whispers are annoying.

No lie, the couple that sat beside us in the theater today (who could have chosen from among multiple seats, by the way) carried on a running commentary throughout the film. I gave them my best teacher look, the one that says “shut the hell up!” They were too busy talking to notice. I ahem’d. The talking continued. I coughed loudly. They actually gave me a nasty look. Finally Studly and I moved, but it just wasn’t the same after that. They’d blown my experience.

Movies aren’t cheap. And i just want to enjoy my movie in a respectful atmosphere. I know, I know I should just stay home and enjoy movies on HBO or Netflix, but I still like the big screen experience. I refuse to give up on my dream of watching a first run film in companionable silence with a bunch of random strangers. Is it too much to ask? Studly says the odds are against me. As for me, I say, “Never tell me the odds!” Han Solo would be so proud.

In spite of it all,
Peace, People.

Goose, You Big Stud

There are a handful of films that I can watch again and again, coming in at any point in the narrative and getting right down to the business of rooting for the good guys and booing the bad guys.

“Top Gun” is one such movie. I know, it’s an over the top macho fest (aka pissing contest), but it also shows the vulnerabilities of the characters, Maverick and Goose, as well as those of other characters. My favorite scene is the one in which Meg Ryan’s character, who has something odd stuck on her eyelash–I’ve never been able to figure out what it is, declares, “Goose, you big stud. Take me to bed or lose me forever!” Dang! If that isn’t one of the best lines in moviedom, I don’t know what is.

Another movie I can pick up at any point is “Pretty Woman.” Yes, the main character is a good girl gone bad gone good again, and I get that the movie glamorizes a less than glamorous profession, but how can you not love the scene where Julia Roberts’ character, newly made over, dressed to the nines, and carrying shopping bags from a high-end store, strides into the upscale Rodeo Drive establishment that had previously snubbed her and says, “Big mistake. BIG mistake.” I don’t know about you, but I’ve been given the cold shoulder in one of those boutique-y type stores, and I’m not, nor have I ever been, a hooker. Julia’s win is a win for all of us. Plus, she gets Richard Gere.

Probably my favorite movie to watch, watch, and watch again, is “Star Wars Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back.” I can almost quote the entire movie, not verbatim, but close enough to drive my family nuts. This is the movie that cemented my love for Han Solo, that caused me to daydream endlessly about sharing one of those uncomfortable looking cement cots on Cloud City with the infamous scoundrel. When Princess Leia tells Han that she’d rather kiss a Wookie than plant one on him, and he responds, “I can arrange that,” I pretty much swoon. I’m right here Han! I’ll kiss you! No Wookie kisses for me!

There are other films I could add: “The Princess Bride” (“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means,”) “Dumb and Dumber” (“So…you’re telling me there’s a chance,”) and “Raiders of the Lost Ark” (“Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes?”) are a few of the more memorable.

I’m not a film snob. Obviously. I mean, the “Dumb and Dumber” reference should have been a clue. What are your go to films, favorite quotes, insane movie fixations? Share if you’d like. Just remember, “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” (Animal House)

Peace, People.

High Five

I saw this post on Facebook yesterday and it made me think. Just what are my cardinal rules for life? Do I even have one cardinal rule?

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So here’s what I think. See if you agree.

1) Love. Everyone. Period.

2) Be kind, even if it’s the last thing you feel like being.

3) Forgive. Yourself, others, the world.

4) Do what needs to be done. It might be hard. It might be distasteful, but do it anyway.

5) Experience life. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Okay. It’s your turn. What are your cardinal rules for life? You don’t have to have five, but that happens to be my favorite number.

Peace, People.

Goooaaallll!!!

Normally I am not a productive person, but when I started this blog I told myself that I needed to post something at least once a day for the first two weeks. Being the good listener that I am, I set myself a goal (thus the title) and have every intention of reaching it. So far, so good.

If you read my very first blog post you know that I started blogging, in part, to deal with all the crazy thoughts going on in my head at bedtime. Every single night of my life goes something like this: Around 9 p.m. I begin yawning and can barely keep my eyes open. I remove my makeup, take my night time medications, and climb into my very comfy bed, laying my head on the oasis that is my cool pillow. I say my prayers and softly I drift into sleep. Lovely, lovely sleep. Then BANG! The random thoughts attack:

“Should I look for a new job? ”
“Will I ever make friends in Tallahassee?”
“How are my kids and grand kids?”
“What was up with that pushy lady at the grocery store?”
“Will Lebron James lead the Cavaliers to a championship in the next three years?”
“Do I have a brain tumor, or is it merely a sinus headache?”
“Will I ever be able to watch “The Shining” all the way through?”

And on and on and on. Of course by now, Studly Doright is honing his snoring chops, so I’ve lost the opportunity for peace and quiet.

Since starting the blog thing I’ve now begun analyzing each one of my random thoughts for future use. Prospective titles run through my mind like children at play. I like writing titles, and a new thought pops into my head: “Could I possibly get a job just writing titles?”

I think, “Maybe Ellen Degeneres would hire me to write titles. After all, we have so much in common. We’re both women and both in our 50’s. She’s a spokesmodel for CoverGirl, and I used to wear CoverGirl. She has short hair, and I have short hair. She likes Justin Timberlake, and I like Justin Timberlake. We both have spouses with blonde hair. We’re both from Texas. We are almost the same person!”

About this time I roll over and look at my clock. Ugh. Midnight. I adjust my pillow, rearrange my t-shirt, sigh heavily and try to slough off any errant thoughts. I have a hot flash and throw off all of my covers. I begin repeating my mantra: it just doesn’t matter, it just doesn’t matter. Hmmm. Matter. There’s a topic. Maybe I should get up and google it. I resist that urge. I probably should go to the bathroom, though, so I do.

Upon my return, the sheets feel cool and welcoming. My pillow is again an oasis. My breathing deepens and sometimes I’m even able to fall asleep.

I know I’m not the only one dealing with this. How do you handle the crazy thoughts, the restless legs, the night sweats? Maybe you need to start a blog if you haven’t already. I’ve heard it almost helps.

Peace, People.