Cookies? We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Cookies

I tried. I really did. Someone gave us a sugar cookie kit for Christmas, so I dug out the cookie sheet from its hiding place beneath the kitchen island. I found a cooking rack, so the cookies could relax for a while when they came out of the oven. I even dug out the rolling pin I received as a gift thirty or so years ago. I purchased cookie cutters thinking that finally, at the advanced age of 66 I’d be able to successfully roll out dough and cut it into Christmas shapes.

Following the explicit directions on the package, I mixed the dough until it clogged the beaters on my mixer. I scraped it out of the beaters with a knife, then rolled it into a large ball and chilled it for over an hour.

Then I sprinkled flour on my workspace and rolling pin and on my hands and the cat and every other place I could think of. I even dabbed some behind my ears for good measure. I began to roll.

The dough was uncooperative. I used more flour. I rolled and rolled until the dough surrendered and allowed me to cut a snowman. Alas, the snowman fell apart when I attempted to move it to the cookie sheet. The same thing happened with the Christmas tree and the candy cane.

Fine. I decided to just make round cookies. Apparently, my idea of a teaspoon sized ball is warped. And inconsistent. The cookies varied wildly in size. The cutest was just about a quarter of an inch in diameter. I ate it.

Studly Doright said they just need to be decorated. I handed him the icing. And washed my hands. We don’t need no stinkin’ cookies.

Peace, people.

Author: nananoyz

I'm a semi-retired crazy person with one husband and two cats.

19 thoughts on “Cookies? We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Cookies”

  1. Yeah, what’s the big deal about making cookies anyway? I’m with you. It’s not a talent I possess. Back in my hippie days I made great pies, cooked some awesome veggie dishes and thought I did a great version of playing Mother Earth when my oldest son was a baby. But truth be told, I never made great cookies. And when they looked good on a cookie sheet then I’d burn them! 😩 I guess I could never star in a Halmark movie because I can’t make holiday cookies. (However I do make a fabulous salad)! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

      1. We don’t need no stinkin’ recipes either! Cos yeah that is what I think every time I see a cookie recipe. I thought it was just me. I make a lot of stuff, cakes and puds are no probs. But cookies?? Every Christmas I get out the various xmas shaped cutters and I make cookies to serve with various other things I’ve made when folks arrive. But this year them stinkin’ cutters are staying where they belong. That is the baking cupboard. I’ve made xmas cake and i will make a tree shaped sponge for the kids that I then ice with white chocolate and cover in smarties and buttons. i’ll also make cakes with fondant icing colored and with xmas shapes. Truly i have even tried adding every little addition ..a dash of spice, some this some that .. and they are still vile.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. That’s why I bake the easy cookies, that you do not need to touch with your hands. You just mix up the dough, dump a dollop of any old size of dough (preferably stuffed with chocolate chunks) onto a sheet with a spoon, shove into the oven for 10 mins and voila. I never understood sugar cookies and never managed to make anything that did not crumble, so I am with you lol!

    Liked by 2 people

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