Ho Ho Ho, and all that jazz. It’s not quite bah, humbug, but it’s not that far off either.
My seasonal depression keeps me from fully embracing the spirit of the upcoming season, and this year feels a bit worse than any I can recall from recent memory. There’s no mystery as to why I’m feeling low–it’s knowing I won’t see my kids and grandkids at Thanksgiving or Christmas that’s weighing me down. It’ll just be Studly and me for both holidays.
The Christmas just after my mom died in late October, 1997, was worse than this, though. I still feel the weight of her loss during the holiday season more than any time of the year.
Some days it feels like a block of anguish around my neck, dragging me down, forming an insurmountable barrier to getting out of bed. Other days her absence is just a touch on my forehead, a reminder of what I miss most–my mother’s ability to make the pain go away.
The Christmas season comes with so many expectations. We should be happy and joyful, surrounded by the ones we love. But many will be alone and some will be depressed even in the midst of a happy crowd. If anyone needs a hug, I’ll send a virtual one.
Based on my previous experiences, I’ll manage to pull myself together before December 25, but until then don’t expect my happiest self. I’m just bah humbugging along for now.
Peace, and hang in there, people.
Praying for Eyebrowz 
Christmas can be a most depressing time – when losses or absences become more powerful than the general pressure to be joyful. At least you understand its pattern
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It took me awhile to figure out my downturns, but once I did they became more manageable.
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Meh. I’m not into it either but the 12yo girl here makes up for it. I will send some of her squeaky energy down your way. 😉
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Thank you! I’ll soak up the vibes.
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You have Studly….skin on skin, hand in hand, conversation, a warm shoulder, candles at the table, jokes here and there, fireplace, movie……wonderful things to land on. I feel you though, it will never be like it was …..this is where reality hits the road……do you go flat , or do you drive on ?…..who created these ominous days, plucked from nowhere…..this day is just like yesterday,only painted in depression and wishes that can’t come true…….maybe next year, maybe next year
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Always maybe next year. The two oldest grandkids are 17 this year. I’m feeling a sense of urgency to have them all together next year. I’ve never played the guilt card before, but I might just do it starting right after this Christmas is done.
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Insofar as is possible we…well I do…tend to ignore Christmas. ‘Tis a time for little kids and calories. An extra Sunday I could do without. Then again they don’t call me Doctor Gloom for nothing! That said, I wish you well and trust you have a sack full of presents, young Leslie – Regards, The Old Fool
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Thank you! I’d gladly ignore the holiday this year, but I have grandkids to buy gifts for. And I never seem to buy the right thing, but that’s just because I’m old and out of touch.
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I tend to send my tribe of sproglings hard currency within a rude Christmas card. Never fails.
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Little kids and calories… 😂
Add some credit card debt and Marie Kondo “does this spark joy’ declutter methods into that and yep…pretty much.
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You nailed it.
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💗sending hugs!
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Thank you!
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January is my tough month for many of the same reasons…but I find the lead up begins way earlier…winter is rough in general. Blergh.
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I agree. I used to blame my depression on cold days and long dark nights, but I live in Florida—I still get mostly sunny days and it’s seldom THAT cold. It’s just something to deal with. Blergh is a good word. I’m stealing it.
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I glady give it. It covers SO many Blerghy type feelings! 😣
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It does!
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Sometimes I long for the days when the kids were little and memories were happy. As they grew, and attempts were made to continue traditions it became clear that it was me who didn’t want to let go, not them. I realized quite some time ago that I love the idea of the holiday mostly because it’s a habit. Each year I let go of a little more of the habit and watch the folks around me dissolve into chaos trying to out-do everyone else.
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That’s a very healthy way to go about it. We were supposed to all be together last year, but that fell apart. This year I’d hoped my daughter and her family could come, but that didn’t happen. I’m pinning a lot of hopes on next year. My two oldest grands will be seniors in high school next year and I’m afraid it’s my last chance before everyone scatters to the winds.
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I can understand that. Definitely lay on the family guilt trip for next year. I think you deserve lots of contact for such a momentous year 🙂
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Of course you will get out there but yes Christmas is a very hard time for many people for so ,many different reasons. and I do think it does no harm to say so x
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Thank you. I used to keep it all inside, but I’ve learned that if I write about it, I feel some relief.
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Writing is a good thing that way xxxxxx
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It is, indeed.
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I have always sworn by it in my life. Takes you to another world but also lets you say things sometimes like this post.
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I sympathize, I get the blues this time of year too, and anxiety about getting things done. Also, winter is coming. Blah indeed.
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Or my new favorite word, Blergh!
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Christmas in the middle of summer has never felt right to me, so there is that. But I am right there with you this year as last year. The large tree will not be leaving its storage place in the attic again this year and the grandies will not be visiting either, so I’m Grinching my way through the season and keeping away from folks who are all excited. It’s the way it is. Blergh! is too right.
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We can blergh together. Safety in numbers.
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