Holiday Blahs

Ho Ho Ho, and all that jazz. It’s not quite bah, humbug, but it’s not that far off either.

My seasonal depression keeps me from fully embracing the spirit of the upcoming season, and this year feels a bit worse than any I can recall from recent memory. There’s no mystery as to why I’m feeling low–it’s knowing I won’t see my kids and grandkids at Thanksgiving or Christmas that’s weighing me down. It’ll just be Studly and me for both holidays.

The Christmas just after my mom died in late October, 1997, was worse than this, though. I still feel the weight of her loss during the holiday season more than any time of the year.

Some days it feels like a block of anguish around my neck, dragging me down, forming an insurmountable barrier to getting out of bed. Other days her absence is just a touch on my forehead, a reminder of what I miss most–my mother’s ability to make the pain go away.

The Christmas season comes with so many expectations. We should be happy and joyful, surrounded by the ones we love. But many will be alone and some will be depressed even in the midst of a happy crowd. If anyone needs a hug, I’ll send a virtual one.

Based on my previous experiences, I’ll manage to pull myself together before December 25, but until then don’t expect my happiest self. I’m just bah humbugging along for now.

Peace, and hang in there, people.

Author: nananoyz

I'm a semi-retired crazy person with one husband and two cats.

29 thoughts on “Holiday Blahs”

  1. You have Studly….skin on skin, hand in hand, conversation, a warm shoulder, candles at the table, jokes here and there, fireplace, movie……wonderful things to land on. I feel you though, it will never be like it was …..this is where reality hits the road……do you go flat , or do you drive on ?…..who created these ominous days, plucked from nowhere…..this day is just like yesterday,only painted in depression and wishes that can’t come true…….maybe next year, maybe next year

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Always maybe next year. The two oldest grandkids are 17 this year. I’m feeling a sense of urgency to have them all together next year. I’ve never played the guilt card before, but I might just do it starting right after this Christmas is done.

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  2. Insofar as is possible we…well I do…tend to ignore Christmas. ‘Tis a time for little kids and calories. An extra Sunday I could do without. Then again they don’t call me Doctor Gloom for nothing! That said, I wish you well and trust you have a sack full of presents, young Leslie – Regards, The Old Fool

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I agree. I used to blame my depression on cold days and long dark nights, but I live in Florida—I still get mostly sunny days and it’s seldom THAT cold. It’s just something to deal with. Blergh is a good word. I’m stealing it.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sometimes I long for the days when the kids were little and memories were happy. As they grew, and attempts were made to continue traditions it became clear that it was me who didn’t want to let go, not them. I realized quite some time ago that I love the idea of the holiday mostly because it’s a habit. Each year I let go of a little more of the habit and watch the folks around me dissolve into chaos trying to out-do everyone else.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a very healthy way to go about it. We were supposed to all be together last year, but that fell apart. This year I’d hoped my daughter and her family could come, but that didn’t happen. I’m pinning a lot of hopes on next year. My two oldest grands will be seniors in high school next year and I’m afraid it’s my last chance before everyone scatters to the winds.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Christmas in the middle of summer has never felt right to me, so there is that. But I am right there with you this year as last year. The large tree will not be leaving its storage place in the attic again this year and the grandies will not be visiting either, so I’m Grinching my way through the season and keeping away from folks who are all excited. It’s the way it is. Blergh! is too right.

    Liked by 1 person

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