Lately my health has been Rosanne Rosannadanna-ish. If it’s not one thing, it’s another.
Yesterday I was in the waiting room of a radiology clinic awaiting a CT scan of my digestive tract when my right eye went wonky. First there was a bright flash of light from the corner of that eye followed by what can only be described as a parade of ink blot animals à la Rorschach. Well, to me they appeared to be animals. Who knows what some of you degenerates might’ve seen. There was an elephant dragging a walrus, a hippo in a tutu, a lamb with a baton, among others.
I called the eye doctor’s office just before I was handed my first barium smoothie, and had an appointment scheduled after just a few sips. Yum, yum.
The second smoothie didn’t go down quite as easily, but it could’ve been worse. Some folks in the prep area had to drink three of the concoctions. The CT scan was kind of fascinating. I’m always amazed by, and a little leery of, the ways in which systems within the body can be manipulated:
Them: We can make you think you’re urinating.
Me: No, you can’t!
Me, two seconds later: Holy cow! I think I’m urinating.
After the test I grabbed a quick bite to eat and went directly to my eye doctor’s office. They took more pictures of the inside of my eyes than a helicopter mom takes of her offspring.
Not my eye, but still pretty cool, right?
I’d worried that my retina was detached, but apparently people in my age group are susceptible to such floaters.
Most eye floaters are caused by age-related changes that occur as the jelly-like substance (vitreous) inside your eyes becomes more liquid. Microscopic fibers within the vitreous tend to clump and can cast tiny shadows on your retina. The shadows you see are called floaters.
Diagnosis: I’m old.
I’m scheduled to see my gastroenterologist tomorrow, and if all goes well I’ll get a similar diagnosis from him: “Nothing to see here. Move along. You’re just old.”
Today though, I’m going for a facial. My insides might be old, but my outsides don’t have to advertise that.
Peace, people.
Praying for Eyebrowz 
I had a persistent floater after cataract surgery two years ago. As I write this I’m blinking a lot to see if I still notice it! Either my brain has finally adjusted to it or it’s resolved itself. That leads me to believe that what I assumed was still the black spot in my vision may really have been little gnats flying near my desk light the other night… 🙂
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Little gnats vs. floaters. Not sure there’s a preference there.
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You crack me up, Leslie. I so love how you find humor in even doctors’ appointments! Love the line, “They took more pictures of the inside of my eyes than a helicopter mom takes of her offspring.” Hee hee.
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Thank you! I’m beginning to feel like a centerfold!
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You have a great way of taking a mundane chore of seeing the doctor and making it hysterical. Bravo 👏🏻 And you’re totally right! The outside definitely doesn’t have to match the inside, getchur facial on girlfriend!
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Thanks so much! My facial had to be rescheduled due to a flood in the salon! Hoping for Saturday now.
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Oh for Pete’s Sake. Sorry your pamper sesh was rescheduled, couple more days and you’ll be fresh as a daisy again!
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I first noticed a floater when I was 5. So I guess you’re lucky.
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I’ve had small ones in the past. Annoying little black spots that hang around for a couple of days, but this one’s a whole different kind of animal. Sorry you’ve had to deal with them for years!
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I’ve had floaters most of my life (eye injury at 14). Sometimes I leave one in the loo
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Hahaha!
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Ah, not that old, many people have these things early in their life, because the retina problems are inherited. The docs are always too fast to point out age. Ignore these hints. In fact, there are many older folks who have an excellent health.
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My 82 year old mother-in-law is way healthier than I am.
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Tough generation.
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