Lately my health has been Rosanne Rosannadanna-ish. If it’s not one thing, it’s another.
Yesterday I was in the waiting room of a radiology clinic awaiting a CT scan of my digestive tract when my right eye went wonky. First there was a bright flash of light from the corner of that eye followed by what can only be described as a parade of ink blot animals à la Rorschach. Well, to me they appeared to be animals. Who knows what some of you degenerates might’ve seen. There was an elephant dragging a walrus, a hippo in a tutu, a lamb with a baton, among others.
I called the eye doctor’s office just before I was handed my first barium smoothie, and had an appointment scheduled after just a few sips. Yum, yum.
The second smoothie didn’t go down quite as easily, but it could’ve been worse. Some folks in the prep area had to drink three of the concoctions. The CT scan was kind of fascinating. I’m always amazed by, and a little leery of, the ways in which systems within the body can be manipulated:
Them: We can make you think you’re urinating.
Me: No, you can’t!
Me, two seconds later: Holy cow! I think I’m urinating.
After the test I grabbed a quick bite to eat and went directly to my eye doctor’s office. They took more pictures of the inside of my eyes than a helicopter mom takes of her offspring.
Not my eye, but still pretty cool, right?
I’d worried that my retina was detached, but apparently people in my age group are susceptible to such floaters.
Most eye floaters are caused by age-related changes that occur as the jelly-like substance (vitreous) inside your eyes becomes more liquid. Microscopic fibers within the vitreous tend to clump and can cast tiny shadows on your retina. The shadows you see are called floaters.
Diagnosis: I’m old.
I’m scheduled to see my gastroenterologist tomorrow, and if all goes well I’ll get a similar diagnosis from him: “Nothing to see here. Move along. You’re just old.”
Today though, I’m going for a facial. My insides might be old, but my outsides don’t have to advertise that.