Remember buying candy cigarettes? I do. I’d walk around pretending to inhale before dramatically exhaling, sometimes imagining elegant smoke rings emanating from the tip of my fake filtered Winston.
Even as a child I knew that was rather messed up. We didn’t yet have the surgeon general’s warning on actual packs of smokes, but my mom still lied to her mom about smoking, so why was it okay for me to make-believe I smoked?
Candy cigarettes didn’t even taste good. I’m fairly certain they could’ve substituted for blackboard chalk in a pinch, but that never deterred me from indulging my fantasy addiction. Thank goodness they became politically incorrect and disappeared from store shelves. For the record, I’ve never smoked. Maybe they acted as a deterrent.
At least candy cigars had some flavor. They were bubble gum, though, rather than candy. One might still be able to purchase candy cigars. Perhaps Prince Charles handed some out after the birth of the newest royal baby. I revel in that image.
There are still candies, though, that defy good taste. Like these I discovered in Walmart yesterday afternoon.
Apparently the candy “Zits” are stuck onto one’s face, then popped, and the resulting substance eaten. I say apparently because I’m not going to test them out. I feel like gagging.
Quick, I need a smoke.