Long After the Birth of the 2008 Financial Crisis, The Republicans Want Another Baby

Who remembers the financial crisis of 2008? Anyone?? Anyone?? Bueller??

Like the pain of childbirth, the economic contraction that burst the housing bubble and led to epidural bank bailouts that were as ineffective as self hypnosis at relieving said pain felt while birthing oversized billionaires with giant heads, it all seems to have been forgotten.

The placenta was buried like a quarter of the net worth of the middle class. Stocks, like sagging breasts, dropped 45%. Retirement became the imagined happy place that didn’t exist…a unicorn in the fog— breathe, breathe, PUSH!!!

What happened to my body after giving birth happened to the U.S. economy. The imbalanced redistribution of wealth was much like my weight…because pre-baby weight and post baby weight might be the same but nothing is where it had been prior.

The pelvic floor dropped out of the housing market, so people (like my legs) foreclosed. Abandoned and…